</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by runningwithscissors:
<strong> Orchid:
I've been watching some of the posters that I've been reading throughout my dilemma and you've posted on my threads before. I was wondering if you would tell me your story. Your signature line doesn't spell out a whole lot. Thanks </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will give you the short version:

For starters here's my sig line (which I don't post often):

d/d Nov 2000
BS 43 - miscarried twice after d/d
WS 38
1 child - son 6
OW 45 PBR - claimed prego 3x (no proof )
WS moved out Dec 00, returned April 01, WS out July 01, ret'd Aug 01.

1. d/d Nov 2000 - learned via listening to voicemail on H's cell after coming from a visit with MC. A man left a msg about renting a room and OW left a msg w/ ILY. I woke the WS up out of bed and d/d turned into the beginning of my nightmare. By that time the A with this OW was into it's 3rd month. OW claimed to be prego at about 6 wks and claiming she was carring a girl. (dumb OW). OIW accused me of causing her miscarraige but she never gave proof of any pregancies. Just gave lots of drama.

2. I found MB end of Dec and joined in Jan 01. Read concepts section and copied it out in 1 days. Read for about 8 hours straight. Couldn't sleep, wonder why?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

2. WS moved out 12/31/00. Lived out in a rented room closer to OW for 4 1/2 months. WS asked to come home.

3. BS was pregnant in May 01 and miscarried end of June. OW called up in June to tell me she was prego 2nd time and thought I needed to know. Again no proof. I had ultra sound pictures from my doctor of my pregnancy so mine claim was legit. More drama from OW.

4. BS threw WS out whenever contact was uncovered. This led to WS calling police to say I was going crazy but when police came, WS was arrested for DV. Spent 2 1/2 days in jail with a 10 day RO against him. He couldn't come home and I didn't want him. WS chose to stay with OW. That lasted less than 10 days. Ended with WS calling me and begging with tears to come home with OW yelling in the background: "take him bacfk L, take him back." For some stupid reason, OW thinks she helped our M. Go figure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

5. Ws comes home and promises to work on M. Wedding anniversary is in August and OW calls on anniversary day and the day before. Ruins anniversary. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I answer the WS' cell thinking it was his work and OW yells at me claiming she is Mrs. WS not me. I ask her where is her M certificate. She cusses me out. I hang up on her. She tries to call back and I hang up again. OW is furious. So am I.

6. WS claims to have ended it. A few times earlier he tried with me hearing his phone convo and once in person, I had to witness them talking in her car in a parking lot. This was at the WS' request. That lasted less than 40 minutes. OW called again begging him to return and he did.

7. WS kicked out off and on for 2 years. Each time he promised to end A.

8. OW claimed prego 3 in Aug 2001. The woman is a nut,. 2nd time she wanted to be paid for her medical expenses (that she never proved). She asked for $100.00 per month for prenatal and more an undisclosed amount for child support.

9. Every anniversary for 2001, 2002 and 2003, OW calls. In the beginning of August 2003, OW filed RO against WS. Evidently he had ended it with her and she was going to now make his life miserable by informing me. She would either call or e-mail me when she felt she was losing. I was never in a contest for him and quite willing to move forward without him. So basically she was losing a race against her opponent who wasn't even trying to beat her. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OW sent me an e-mail which started out as Dear L, . YUCK!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Not only was that bad, the OW proceeded to say she was sorry my mother was dying. Imagine that. My mother was NOT dying. My mom was dealing with dialysis but at the time it was not life threatening. I was incensed to say the least. I called the Ws and told him to stay up there with the oW and NOT to come on vacation with us (he was suppose to meet us in 1 week). At that point we did not know of the RO. OW called me at my work, home and cell phone. Even threatened to have me fired. Claimed to know people at my work and supposedly told them all about me. Imagine being described to my co-workers from someone who has never met me but claims to know all. The psycotic events continued. OW even accused me of being an embezzling lesbian, etc..... it gets worse. She even accused me of having an A with my FIL and that I was an abusive mother and W.

Amazing from someone I had not even seen. Some of those comments came about 2 months after d/d.

10. Through it all I learned a lot here at MB. I created a support group around me (including my son). I kept a journal. Went to some MC sessions (he was too far away) but he would let me call him for free. We had 1 session (w/s and b/s) with Steve 1 month after d/d. It was good but ws refused to have more. I read SAA, Hn/Hn, Giver/TAKER and Love must be tough. I posted a lot on MB. Asked questions, took my MB medicine and cried a lot. Eventually I learned that my posting was therapeutic for me. I helped myself while helping others. I would share parts of my story as needed. I saw the pain and the stories were similar. The resolution methods varied but each one that tried their best always seemd to succeed.

Success comes in 2 stages: Personal and Mariital.

Personal recovery/success is attainable by all. Marital recovery/success requires equal participation by both H & W.

Each time my WS came back the stakes/requirements to live with our family went up. Not down up. Ws eventually took back all his accusations of me being the one he blamed and the OW hated it. One of her voicemail messages begged him to remember how bad I was..... I recall her saying remember how L is like this or that...... I asked the WS how OW came to those conclusions and was that his perception. He said she embellishes a lot. He told me that when he defended me to her, she would get enraged.

I learned where my power points were in the fog and used them. I learned that sefl respect for myself and my family was NOT taking the back seat to recovery but rather it was and is a requirement.

I learned what my boundaries really were and implemented them. I learned that I was a valuable person and would survive.

I did have panick attacks and did attempt suicide more than once. Each time both MB, my friends, MC, family and God helped me through.

I post here on MB in gratitude for the help that has been extended to me. I wasn't an easy learner. I am quite stubborn at times but do recognize when someone is speaking the truth and saying something valuable. I listen and then try my hardest to implement. I am not afraid to admit when I make a mistake and work hard to correct it. I am grateful for the help extended to me.

To conclude: RO case went before the judge, Ws asked me to be there. He wanted to make a stance as a couple and asked once again to let him try to earn his way back as my H and our son's father. I relunctantly agreed. We went to court and that is the first time I saw OW face to face. She made an a## of herself in front of the temporary judge. Judge said her story was quite weak. She brought in a binder filled with e-mails and claimed WS sent over 600 of them. Of course she left out the part where OW sent probably double or triple that amount and her endless phone calls lasting hours and hours. Judge granted the RO and told BOTH to stay away from each other. Ws did not contest. He felt it was safer.

1 month later the OW tried to file another RO in our county. WHAT a nut. Take that from a Berkely grad who claims she is smarter than the BS. LOL!!!!

That was 9 months ago. Recovery has been much better since then. I still keep plan B in my back pocket. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> WS has now shed that title and is an H. He is working hard to prove his worth. He is keenly aware that he lost his status once before and can easily lose that and more again. He has greater appreciation of his family and we feel it.

That's the gist of it. There were several other experiences that happened which I did not include, some are quite comical.

Hope this satisfies your question. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Did you have a special reason for asking for this story?

L.

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 01:36 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>