D-Day May 22, 2004. Learned of my wife's long term affair with a married man. This Om is her old high school bf. They have mostly been e-mailing and telephoning but it has also a PA when they could arrange it. She has indicated that she wants to leave our marriage and go halfway across the country to be with him. He also is married with 13yr old at home and a 19yr old in college.
I love my wife but I'm afraid of the future without her. My delima is that how much of what I feel for her is love and how much is fear of the future. I hate to see her and him break up two marriages. She and I have had some really open and honest conversation over the last few weeks and some of what she says is the truth and very hard to swallow but it is the truth. I wasn't meeting her needs for a long time. I have to examine why I didn't. She has to examine why she broke her marriage vows so easily.
So I pick up the separation agreement today and I hope she doesn't sign. She hasn't eneded the A cause they are still talking reguarly. The OM is hanging himself. He is lying to his wife and now he is lying to my wife to save his own skin. The OM's wife and I have talking off and on for the last few weeks too. She hasn't been willing to read SAA or any other save the marriage literature. I may be forced to Plan B if she chooses to leave. She will find out this A is not all sweetness and light. The day to day business of living with someone will be very different than the romance and secrecy they shared.
But how much of my love for her is based on fear of the future? Anyone got any insight into this question? I would welcome your thoughts


Me-52
She 49
OM-52
Married 28 years
7 children involved.

You have been married a long time, and this is very early for you. You just found out. Your wife has known for a long time. So your feelings are very normal.

Your wife is making a huge mistake. I am sure she will be back (if she even leaves). So don't worry about the future right now.

It is time to make the changes that you need to make in you. You will not be able to control your wife. Just be sure to protect yourself financially the best that you can.