After his 6 hour drive home my husband has since changed his mind about trying. He now says he don't want to be married anymore. Says that he feels like trying would be no use. I asked him to atleast try without her in the picture to see if things could be different. I really don't know what to do... I assume it's still fog talk. He says he will go live with his parents and work and send me all the money to keep the house and pay the bills. He is being very silly right now. In my head I really don't think he will leave. He says I deserve better someone who truly loves me. I think he feels like he is in love with OW. I do believe he did end it with her.

I shouldn't have called her I said some things that normally I wouldn't say. I was just so upset knowing he was with her. I think that is why he is so upset with me. Why he decided to not try. He said when did you turn into this harassing woman. Said he never believed I would say the stuff I did. I could tell he is bothered by this. I told him after I did it and calmed down I realized I should not have done it.

How could he be so willing to try one minute the next say I thought about it some more and don't want this? What do I do? Do I just let him go? Do I try to reason with him? I love him and need him and I really don't know what I would do without him beside me.

Also he feels like I have made his whole family mad at him and this bothers him. They pretty much figured out a lot of things on their own but I did talk with his sisters.

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: SadMarylandLady ]</small>

I understand how you feel. I too have called the OW and my WH said it was jr. high school stuff for me to have called her. I didn't say really bad stuff just that I had been to the doctor for blood work and if anything came back positive I would be passing her number on to the health dept. My WH was still trying to rationalize what he has been doing to the past 2 years. He admitted he was seeing her just for SEX because our sex was too boring! Imagine what I could have said to her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
My WH has moved into an apartment and after 2 months he still hasn't given me his address. We are in MC and I just emailed him the Plan B letter. He still believes I don't need to know who the other woman is because if it hadn't been her it would have been someone else! Because he is a pharmaceutical sales rep. and the job requires travel and overnites, I do need to know. He said she worked at a hospital, so do I want to ever go to that hospital....I don't think so but he won't say which hospital!
He continues to put the blame on me...I made him do it. I suppose that is how he justifies and takes the guilt away.
You may want to try plan B, because now you are sounding desperate and that can be a turn off to your WH. Good luck, keep on posting

Annie

Sounds like these WS's are in Mid life crisis mode just like mine...have you read the postings on the mid life crisis forum...the stories all all the same ...50 year old men wanting to relive their youth with no responsibilities...what you have to do ladies is let them go...they will blame you for everything that has gone wrong in their lives...BUT their problems lie within themselves and until they take a long hard look at themselves and get help there is nothing you can do or say to help... I have learned this from reading much material on the subject...I have had to enforce no contact with WS and have let him go...this Plan B helps keep you the one left behind to forcas on you and lessen the pain with dealing with the angry WS...detachment is the only way to get you forcased on becoming stronger...

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

SML - I belive we must be MD soul mates! I too got that exact same speach. Plus the love you but I'm not in love with you talk. These WS's are all alike. Two months ago I was completely devistated, but now things are better. My HW moved out, if this happens to you, trust me it will not be the end of the world. You will get through it and it might be good for you right now. Before WH moved out I couldn't sleep, and in our condition, we need lots of sleep. I think I have only had one sleepless night since he has been gone. Yes it's hard when they are gone, but it has also been very good for me. I don't focus 100% on all the hurt, pain and betrayal. Instead I have been focusing on me and the baby. I have used this time to really take a look at my life and I have been working on the things I didn't like. I think I have become a much better person during this time.

Has this helped my M? I'm not sure but two months ago WH didn't want to be married and wanted out. Now he comes by all the time, Tuesday night stopped by, Wednesday went to dinner, Saturday stopped by for an hour and Sunday for 4 hours. And today he sends me an e-mail asking if I knew of a dentist. He works two blocks from me at a firm with over 300 people and he has to ask me? At this point he seems to be making up excuses to talk to me. Why? He says he has seen the changes in me. Now I can talk to him and not break down and cry. This wasn't possible the first month. He can now start to see what it would be like if he came back.

Without this web site, I would probably still be wallowing in self pitty and crying me eyes out all the time. Instead I am on the way to becoming a better person and if given the opportunity a better wife. So hang in there and realize he is following the pattern. Use this time to take care of yourself and the baby. I'll admit I was skeptical at first, but in my case it seems to be working and who am I to argue with success?