regarding: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, it’s not my job to understand that, I should simply respect her decision.

The problem is I don’t respect it. I feel like her mind is already made up (for D) and she is just dragging it out for some unknown reason. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">the way i see it you are saying you don't believe her, you are saying she has no intention of wanting to try... its not that you don't respect her decision. think about that.

and i do agree with you, how can they possibly think we would continue after taking the risk by being honest and confessing!!!! most As get discovered, we saved them that horrible part of it, right??? but... it is understandable that they cannot get that. i did have my H say to me once when i once again said to him, but i confessed to you!!!! he said, yes you do get some integrity points for that. it's just not enough for them right now.

how long ago did you confess?? [edited to say... ok skip that question, i see it in your signature line now, you confessed about a month before me]

i hope you are still breathing!!!

<small>[ June 30, 2004, 12:16 PM: Message edited by: FinallyLearning ]</small>

FL-

You asked a lot of important question and I'm working on answering them. In the meantime...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">now tell me... what movie are you talking about???? ok, i know that is extremely irrelavant but i am still curious. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The movie is Multiplicity with Michael Keaton (1996). $12.99 on DVD at circuit city

Synopsis: In this zany comedy, Michael Keaton is Doug Kinney, a man with too many tasks and not enough time to complete them. When he feels too much pressure, his temper explodes with disastrous results. So when researcher Dr. Owen Leeds (Harris Yulin) offers him a somewhat unusual remedy for his problem, he gives it a try. Soon, a fully grown clone of Doug is delivered, complete with his memories up to the time of its "birth." Being in two places at once offers some advantages, but problems arise when Doug #2 can't handle the stress of overwork any better than the original. Perhaps Doug #2 could benefit from having his own helper. Versions of Doug multiply, each of them emphasizing some facet of his character, and complications multiply. For instance, having more of him around doesn't make life simpler for Doug's wife Laura (Andie MacDowell). ~ Clarke Fountain, All Movie Guide

Now I've got to get back to breathing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Answers to your important questions soon...

Rob


p.s. thanks again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ohhhhh Multiplicity!!! i remember when that came out, i never saw it. i'll have to look it up sometime.

waiting for the rest of your answers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

are you feeling any calmer yet??? IC fast approaching!! you can make it!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">sounds like you confessed which is what i did too. my H was shocked, was yours?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ultimately I think she was. She always claimed to “know” but hearing me confess did shock her. Maybe not in the way you meant, but she was shocked nonetheless.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
how long did yours go on for? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">a long time… I’m avoiding details on this question right now… I’ve typed and deleted details 3 times…

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">everyone has problems trusting!!!! in my humble opinion anyway, some have a harder time than others. all you can do is keep your actions true now and understand her fear. when she accuses you, how do you react, angry? frustrated? try quietly telling her "i will never hurt you again" and if she lets you, hug her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">angry sometimes, frustrated others. Tell her I will never hurt her again but no hugs…

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">regarding her moving out... does she have concrete plans on how to do this? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">concrete plans? No, but she’s working on it. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">can she financially afford it? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We definitely cannot afford it right now. My career is in the crapper.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">does she work? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She’s working but I’m pretty sure she resents me for it

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you have a small son to care for. are you really sure she is serious when she talks about moving out or is she lashing out on you? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, she’s dead serious. She is unwavering on this point. She is a very strong willed person.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> the way i see it you are saying you don't believe her, you are saying she has no intention of wanting to try... its not that you don't respect her decision. think about that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You’re right! I don’t believe her! I think she’s already made up her mind! She claims she hasn’t and needs time out on her own to decide!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

IC in less than 2 1/2 hours! Yeah!

Yes, I'm calmer now. Feels good to vent though. Being upbeat when you're being beat up is tough sledding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for listening! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Robby, now I'm lurking, you made me curious. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Is there a fee? Let's see how confusing I can make your thread. Hee hee. Oh wait your doing fine on your own with the M. Keaton monologue.

Hey when you go to your IC appt. you might ask her for something to calm you down a bit. UGH!!

I had mine last night, I so needed it. I told her I would be needing her home phone #, she laughed, but real nervous like. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I told her laugh now, get stalked later.

Now here is a statement to be proud of.
At least it’s not her sister this time!

I really have to read up on your thread. Your W seems very determined, I'm so wondering what the pre-A state of M was. I'm guessing not that good from the above statement.

KY

well robby, here is my take on it... YOU are afraid she has made up her mind.

she says:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she hasn’t and needs time </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">well, IMHO, sounds like you should give her what she is asking for. truth be told my H has not decided yet, he not saying he wants a divorce, yet(his words), he has not said he wants to 100% recommit. he is in limbo. i say, wouldn't we rather have them in limbo than telling us they want a divorce?

maybe you need to work on your managing your fear better.

maybe you should be saying to her, ok honey if this is what you need i will give it to you, tell her you don't want to seperate, tell her you think it is wrong on every level because you love her and you so deeply believe you two belong together forever, tell her you will remain faithful even if seperated, but then put away your needs and give her what she wants, give her the space she needs robby. help her work out the details, with a young son in the picture, you two would have to work out details about visitation, right?

you may be surprised, if you say ok, you might just take the wind out of her sails. she might not be 100% sure this is what she wants to do but as long as you are fighting it she can focus more on the power struggle between the two of you and less on if this is really what she wants.

and when you tell her this do not have anger or frustration in your words (i was going to say heart but i acknowledge that may not be possible to control) but you can control your words. maybe it would help you if you tell yourself you are doing this because you love her, you are giving her what she is telling you she wants.

patience and time, it is the hardest thing to give!!! trust me i know this. I am fortunate, at least he does not want the time to spent seperate from each other, i believe the kids have a roll in that. if they were so young that they would not be as aware (as a 7month might not be), he might have wanted to seperate. i don't know.

what do you think? if you see this before counsoling, maybe bring it up there and see what your C thinks.

you and your W remain in my prayers.

hi robby,

i'm only in for a few hours today, H got a photo shoot and needs me to be with kids so I'm taking 1/2 off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

i hope C went well yesterday and you are feeling better.

IN

OUT

IN

OUT…

Get your minds out of the gutter, I’m just breathing!!

Actually today is a pretty darn good day. IC went very well last night!

Sorry about the rant yesterday! Part of this process is a total exposure of who I was -as well as who I am or want to become. Two areas my IC and I identified as needing work deal with ego and humility. Too much of the former; very little of the latter – in the past!

Some background- I’ve been fairly successful in my career, up to this point, at a very early age. I met or surpassed many of my personal goals- VP, salary, etc with relative ease. (We can talk later about my goal choices, just keep reading!) I now believe that I made too much $$$ way to young and was not prepared for the consequences. My ego swelled and I did not balance it with any humility. This is one factor that, for me, paved the road, the EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, COWARDLY, STUPID, HATEFUL, AMAZINGLY SELFISH, EVIL, EVIL,, DID I MENTION EVIL road to an A.

Now that I’ve made this discovery about myself I am working on reducing ego and increasing humility. At times, think yesterday’s post, this leaves me not knowing exactly who I am. That feeling breeds fear. Fear cannot be dealt with the same as before.

Nothing can.

Forget that I’m a man, or even a Marine, I’m changing. Looking into my core and picking out the EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, COWARDLY, STUPID, HATEFUL, AMAZINGLY SELFISH, EVIL, EVIL,, DID I MENTION EVIL parts.

My core is my foundation. While I’m working on my foundation I don’t have as many walls up. I’ve been knocking a lot of them down, not all but many.

Anyway, thank you all for listening and helping me throw a tarp over my construction site yesterday!

KY! You’re on my thread! Wow!

#1 I’m going to buy you something…
#4 A chainsaw?
#1 …or a book….

I really don’t think I need drugs, c’mon now!


FL- Much of what you posted was exactly what we discussed in IC yesterday.

I actually turned some sort of corner about it. Still trying to digest it but IC changed the way he has been saying something.

For the past 6-8 he’s been saying:

“W is doing this for her, it’s what she feels she needs for her…”

Yesterday said:

“Her moving out probably has very little to do with you.”

More later, want to post this before you leave for the day!

Rob

By the way, great that your H has a photo shoot, have fun this weekend!

KY! You’re on my thread! Wow!

ever hear the saying be careful what you wish for? Are you scared?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> IN

OUT

IN

OUT…

Get your minds out of the gutter, I’m just breathing!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Damn, the search for the sex thread continues!!!


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> #1 I’m going to buy you something…
#4 A chainsaw?
#1 …or a book….
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ooh ooh ooh, make it a chainsaw!!!

I love Dory, she cracks me up, oh great I said, Crack, CP will be all over this thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Isn't therapy amazing. I felt so much better after my session as well. I wish she was my neighbor....

I'm sensing you are feeling a bit EVIL??

My sit. is so different than yours, I'm guessing your W will forgive you, she probably does need time. Hang in there.

My H is up my butt and out my nose. He should be a firefighter, he could suffocate anything right now.

I say that in humor people, ha ha, just a joke.

Semper Fi (am I close?)
KY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Isn't therapy amazing. I felt so much better after my session as well. I wish she was my neighbor....</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Therapy IS amazing! Equally as amazing is the fact that my new outlook on my sit has survived through the night (2 actually). Believe me, I’m still screwed in the head but I feel like I’m making progress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Want to know what the last words my IC said to me Wednesday night were?

“You’re whacked, get out of my office.” lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

He was kidding, of course.

I think!

Crap!

Now I need another IC to help me translate my current IC!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My sit. is so different than yours, I'm guessing your W will forgive you, she probably does need time. Hang in there.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Great! Now just send me the kitten poster and my recovery will be complete! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now where did:

FL
Turtlehead
MelodyLane
WMWB?
Halsey
Rook
DeNovo
WOE

Go?

It's my week to provide the kitten posters, Decisions, decisions...

Guiness and Fatboy? http://www.art.com/asp/sp.asp?PD=10084148&RFID=965584#

Or Marvelous Mavis? http://www.art.com/asp/sp.asp?PD=10037688&RFID=965584

Keep on keeping on, Robby. Facing hard truths about yourself is, well...hard. But it's also very freeing. One foot in front of the other, over and over again. You should stencil that on a wallpaper border in your living room in colors to match the kitten posters. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for the kittens!

Been feeling alot more like this lately.

Trying to get here.

Thanks for the encouragement!

hello!!!

I left prior to your post robby, then i didn't come into work today until just now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

you are sounding so much better i am very glad!!

this thread turned out to be very humours, i love it when that happens!!!

i liked your cat pictures too, your goal to be like the one in the hammock is mine too!! we actually do own a hammock, i'm sure i will be in it over the weekend. it hangs perfectly between two trees right off the water at our vacation house (which is on a man made lake). no place more peaceful than there, and no place better to take a nap!!

hope everyone has a great weekend. keep smiling.

Okay, the newbie is gonna throw in her $0.02 here. There was a part of your post that caught my eye and started me thinking (which I don't mind telling you gives me a horrible headache).

"Forget that I'm a man, or even a Marine"

Two words: Semper Fidelis

Always faithful. How powerful are those two simple words. And believe it or not, I'm not trying to say that you owe it to your W to be "always faithful". You do, however, owe it to yourself to be always faithful to yourself, your beliefs, your ethics, your morals. When it's all said and done you must be true to yourself, and faithfulness to your W will follow.

Okay, the newbie is sounding like a big hipocrit. Yes, there was a point in time that I was not always faithful. Then I had a figurative 2x4 hit me in the head with the reality of the lie I was living and the foolish decisions I had made. My H and I have had a difficult time post A. We still aren't back to "normal", however, I'm okay with that because I can look myself in the mirror every morning and know that I'm not living a lie anymore and I am being faithful to myself.

The newbie is now off her soapbox.

Thank you for the reminder MB302

No truer words....

And welcome!


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You do, however, owe it to yourself to be always faithful to yourself, your beliefs, your ethics, your morals. When it's all said and done you must be true to yourself, and faithfulness to your W will follow.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I lost sight of this. I never will again.

My integrity has taken a huge hit...

I'm working on restoring it....

Thanks again.

Semper FI!

Have you seen this yet?


Letter from A Marine to the Terrorist Operating in Iraq
by Freedom Alliance

July 1, 2004
To the terrorists currently operating in Iraq,

I see that you have captured a U. S. Marine, and that you plan to cut off his head if your demands are not met. Big mistake. Before you carry out your threat I suggest you read up on Marine Corps history. The Japanese tried the same thing on Makin Island and in a few other places during World War Two, and came to regret it. Go ahead and read about what then happened to the mighty Imperial Army on Tarawa, Iwo Jima and Okinawa. They paid full price for what they did, and you will too.

You look at America and you see a soft target, and to a large extent you are right. Our country is filled with a lot of spoiled people who drive BMWs, sip decaf lattes and watch ridiculous reality TV shows. They are for the most part decent, hard working citizens, but they are soft. When you cut off Nick Berg's head those people gasped, and you got the media coverage you sought, and then those people went back to their lives. This time it is different. We also have a warrior culture in this country, and they are called Marines. It is a brotherhood forged in the fire of many wars, and the bond between us is stronger than blood. While it is true that this country has produced nitwits like Michael Moore, Howard Dean and Jane Fonda who can be easily manipulated by your gruesome tactics, we have also produced men like Jason Dunham, Brian Chontosh and Joseph Perez. If you don't recognize those names you should. They are all Marines who distinguished themselves fighting to liberate Iraq, and there will be many more just like them coming for you.

Before the current politically correct climate enveloped our culture one of the recruiting slogans of our band of brothers was "The Marine Corps Builds Men." You will soon find out just how true that is. You, on the other hand, are nothing but a bunch of women. If you were men you would show your faces, and take us on in a fair fight. Instead, you are cowards who hide behind masks and decapitate helpless victims. If you truly represented the interest of the Iraqi people you would not be ambushing those who come to your country to repair your power plants, or sabotage the oil pipelines which fuel the Iraqi economy. Your agenda is hate, plain and simple.

When you raise that sword over your head I want you to remember one thing. Corporal Wassef Ali Hassoun is not alone as he kneels before you. Every Marine who has ever worn the uniform is there with him, and when you strike him you are striking all of us. If you think the Marines were tough on you when they were cleaning out Fallujah a few weeks ago you haven't seen anything yet. If you want to know what it feels like to have the Wrath of God called down upon you then go ahead and do it. We are not Turkish truck drivers, or Pakistani laborers, or independent contractors hoping to find work in your country. We are the United States Marines, and we will be coming for you.

MSgt USMC (Ret)

Semper Fi!

No, I had not seen that letter. Thank you for sharing.