i don't know if many of you remember my situation, but i found out in apr. that my husband had 2 1-night stands. we have been trying to work things out, have talked a lot, and things have been going great.
H gets home from work today, 1 hr. after went in, and said he quit. he said him and 1 other guy had sexual harrassment charges filed on them. he was given the option to get fired or quit. he was soooo mad, and he said the only thing he knew was that a few days before, him, her and this other guy, were all 3 having a conversation about sex. they were all talking about their own sex lives, she mentioned that her and her husband videotape themselves. he said all that he said was that he has no complaints about his sex life, but i would never let him videotape it. he said everyone was fine when they closed and he didn't think nothing of it.
i'm just worried since it was so soon since d-day, and i think i believe him(i can usually tell when he's lying). i asked him what he expects me to think, after what all he has done. he promised that it was nothing, and don't understand why she did this to the two of them.
i just wodered what you all think???
thanks to anyone, julie

is there anyone out there who has any opinions. i just feel like i need some kind of reassurance.
thanks, julie

I would not know how to answer. I would suspect your husband ended contact. She may have been angry and retaliated by pressing charges.

Heartbroken, is the woman who filed charges one of the original OW's? I am trying to piece together your story. Two ONS which he admits to after being busted by an OW phone call.

I'm so sorry to ask you these questions but something is definitely wrong here. I think it's pretty unusual that an OW would call you after a ONS. Having a second ONS in the same week is also strange. Is it possible that these women were coercered into the sex?

That would be a plausible explaination for the first OW call to you. She may not want to report him for rape but she can make still trouble for him by calling you. The fact that he now faces the harrassment charges from yet ANOTHER woman is somewhat worriesome. Is there any way for you to contact either OW or the female who wants to press charges?

I am concerned for you. According to him ALL THREE incidents were the OW's fault. It is possible that he behaves inappropriately and sees nothing wrong with his behavior. Unfortunately his behavior is SO outside the norm that you are going to have to dig deeper to find out what is really going on with him.

Please do what you can to follow up with these women. At the very least you could talk to his boss and try to get the details of the actual conversation. There is something lacking in his explanation here, you need to get the facts.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this and that I have to point out some possibly painful possibilities but you must protect yourself emotionally AND health wise. Please do not put your head in the sand on this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> KB

knewbetter,
thanks for your reply. i'm going to give some background info, just to help you understand.

b/w feb and mid april, i don't know why, but we seemed to be really distant from each other. i was busy with work and school, as well as him and i think we were both just growing apart.
i e-mailed hima letter, telling him that i was unhappy, and he called later that night wanting to talk. we had a good talk, but the fact the he had slept with 2 other girls never came up.

things were great for the next few weeks, until the night of the dreaded phone call. it was someone he was going to school with, she said it only happened once, but she thought i should know.

i was angry and hurt(obviously) and i made him leave. he cried, he apologized,.....he called the next morning wanting to come home so we could talk.

he told me that he thought we were through, and that he didn't think i loved him anymore.
he said "it just happened".
i asked the typical ?'S...WHY..HOW...
he just burst into tears.

he said there was something else that he wanted to be honest about....he had been with yet another girl about a week after this one. and once again....it just happened.

he said that neither one meant anything, just sex. he said he thought we were through and when "it" happened he just finally felt like someone cared.
(he did say it wasn't my fault, and that this has been the biggest mistake of his life...which i'm sure they all say)

he told me the reason OW #1 called was b/c she came back for more(they happened at a radio station he worked at....which he quit afetr we decided to work things out), and he told her it was a huge mistake, and that it never should have happened. she was angry,and that is why she called (so he says)

the other girl, he didn't even know. she had came to the station to get tickets that they were giving away (I KNOW....HOW COULD HE?????)

we cried, and we talked more than we had talked the past year. things have been hard for me, but thanks to MB's i feel ok.
he says "i'm so sorry i ever hurt you... and that he doesn't deserve me..., but i still question WHY?

everything has been going GREAT, until he came home from work and said he quit.

supposedly, this lady at work,(not either of the OW) him, and another male co-worker were having a conversation about sex. he said they were each talking about their own sex life, and she mentioned that her and her husband videotape themselves.

he said that he has no complaints about his sex life, but his wife(me) would never let him videotape it.

he said most of the conversation was b/w her and the other guy.

well, somewhere in the conv. she got offended, b/c the next day both my H, and the other guy were told that she had complained that they had sexually harrassed her.

i can't truly trust my H for what he has done previously, and even though i have talked to the mgr, i still wonder if he's telling the truth.

i'm just so confused. i love him so much, we have really been doing great, but i told him that if more thing happens, i'm done. (i know that was probably LB, but i said it).
he swore to me he doesn't understand why she did this, b/c all 3 of them were just talking.
(he said he thought about not even telling me he quit b/c of this b/c he knew i would think this way, but said he won't ever lie to me again)

i think i believe him, but how do i know for sure. i'm so scared of getting hurt again, but i don't want to be blind to what is happening.

thanks guys, and sorry so long, julie

I read your post, help me.

[QUOTE] i can't truly trust my H for what he has done previously, and even though i have talked to the mgr, i still wonder if he's telling the truth. /QUOTE]

Did you talk to the employer... they might be able to shed more light on it, and what about the woman that filed the complaint. Is there any way that you could talk to her? They would be a thrid party that has never lied to you, versus your H who has lied to you a lot.

Just a thought

hb2,

I have worked at a large company before. Publicly held (stock market) companies typically take sexual harassement VERY SERIOUSLY.

Also, it can be one-sided in a he said/she said situation. Company will usually side with the person MAKING the complaint.

A co-worker I knew was supervisor over a girl. She got two other girls to (lie) swear out a complaint and this guy lost his job. He had told her to do something job related she did not want to do that other people would do. She paid him out in a bad way.

What happened to the other guy? IMHO the scenario I told you above is rare. I would be concerned that he is not telling the whole story. IF she HAD brought the topic up, unless she denied that to human resources, they probably would have issued warnings all around. Also, if she was "out to get the guys" and it is their word against hers, that is 2 against 1. Those two things make it smell fishy.

The sad truth is, if a few gals at the office have it in for a guy, then can EASILY do it on trumped up sex. harass. charges. Means the guys in the work force have to be EXTRA DILIGENT to not even present impropriety. No coarse joking, no innuendos, can't even talk about sex life at home EVER or you could carry the stigma. Does his job know about the As? May have swung the decision against him.

If you dig deeper, do it gently. Guys are typically touchy about their jobs.

NCWalker

thanks guys,
i told H i was going to call this girl(i have met her a few times) and ask her what happened. he told me to go ahead, that he would like to know why also.
as for them knowing about the A's, i don't think they did.
i don't know if this could mean anything, but she is a supervisor, and one day he was saying "if i got a management position i would fire evryone here and take over the store". he said he laughed and said "just joking", but she seemed to be kinda rude and hateful every since.

i don't know what to think, b/c he told me to go ahead and call her(and he knows i would do it)
what do you guys think i should do???julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

BTW, forgot to mention that he said his mgr didn't tell him what she had complained about, or ask for his story, just said that he and co-worker was accused of sex. harr. julie

hb216,

Something is not adding up. He was told to quit or he would be fired WITHOUT getting to tell management his side of the story?

Only time that should happen is if you fail the urinalysis test or are caught on tape violating some company policy. You know, evidence.

If it is all based on what people are saying, any reasonable company would want to hear both sides, or THEY are at risk from union troubles, lawsuits, etc. for unjustly firing someone.

Is this a publicly held company, or does one guy or a family own the whole ball of wax (private company). If the latter, you may be up the creek w/out the paddle because the owner of a private company can pretty much do what he wants.

If your H did NOT get to tell his side, I would say good riddance to the job. I would not want to work in an environment like that.

NCW

hi NCWalker,
i just tried to call her at work, but she doesn't get there until 6pm. i'm going to try then.

H worked at an office supply store, but he has only been there two months. (i don't know if that has anything to do with it though), julie

I agree NC, sexual harrasment charges CAN be trumped up but in this case Julie's husband's explanations about ANY of things he's accused of just don't make much sense.

He claims that OW#1's reason for calling Julie is because he rejected her for round two yet within the very same week he goes ahead and has sex with OW#2.

The ONLY thing anyone knows for sure is that he has now been "forced" to quit TWO jobs in a row because of sexually related issues. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by heartbroken216:
<strong>i can't truly trust my H for what he has done previously, and even though i have talked to the mgr, i still wonder if he's telling the truth. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Julie, I'm not clear on who is it that you are not sure is telling the truth, your H or the manager? What EXACTLY did the manager tell you, in other words what was different about your H's version?

OH, I just refreshed the thread and you are saying your H claims he does not know what the specific accusation is but he just up and quit anyway? Why would he do that if he has a clear conscience? If I was accused of something, I'd sure want to know exactly what!

I'm glad you have a chance to speak with the woman, make sure you ask detailed questions, including what his body language was during the conversation in question. You might want to write your questions and answers down so you don't forget. I'm so sorry this is happening to you! KB

hey, the mng said he could quit for "personal reasons" or he could go through an investigation. he decided to quit b/c he said it would still be held against him even if he proved to be innocent.

anyways, i called her, she said she asked him to get something out of the back. he jokingly said "i hate you", and when he came up front, he whispered(b/c there was a customer) i'm just joking, i love you. she said that really offended her, b/c she was married.

my H does joke around a lot and he says, "i love ya" to lots of people when he plays around.

well, what do you all think. should i buy it???
julie

Ok, so the three way conversation has nothing to do with the accusation after all and the other worker is not in trouble? Did you ask the woman what he looked like when he said, I love you? The tone and look on his face may have been the offensive part, not the words themselves. A joke is not a joke when the delivery is off.

I'm sorry Julie this is all so confusing to me, I can imagine how much more it is to you. I hope nothing else happens. Take care, KB

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by heartbroken216:
<strong>

anyways, i called her, she said she asked him to get something out of the back. he jokingly said "i hate you", and when he came up front, he whispered(b/c there was a customer) i'm just joking, i love you. she said that really offended her, b/c she was married.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is outrageous, Julie. That is a travesty of justice that your H had to leave his job over this nonsense. I can't believe any woman would make a complaint over such a stupid and inane remark, she should be ashamed. And his boss should be equally ashamed for not handling this better.

Thank goodness you had to balls to call her and ask. What did you say when she told this nonsense?

hey everyone,
i feel a little better since i called, but i can't believe she got so offended. i told her he says that to everyone, but she said "well i won't listen to it" (she's an older lady, i think.
well, i guess i made a big deal outta nothing, but ya never know. thanks again, julie

ps. i'm new to all this, but if anyone ever needs anything, just let me know - bye-

huy guys,
i just told H that i talked to her and he is furious. he wants to contact the mgr, but i told him he needs to cool off first. he said she is in her 40's (he's guessing), and that she has been their a long time. he thinks it was her way to get rid of him, and that they didn't want to lose someone who had been there that long, so they gave him the ultimatum, quit of go thru the investigation and more than likely get fired anyways.

he wants to tell the mgr that he says that to lots of people joking around, guys and girls.

anyways, he asked me what he should do, but i don't know if it is worth it, or if he should just find another job. i just think that if somehow he ended up going back, they would just have it in for him. what do you all think?

you guys have been great, i'm glad you didn't let me totally blow things out of proportion, b/4 i talked to that lady. julie

Julie, I think he should run for his life! He would not be safe working with a dangerous, nutjob and a wimp for a manager who can't handle a situation like that! He is lucky to be rid of that place! sheeesh!

<small>[ June 29, 2004, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

thanks ML,

i agree. i told him i think he should just forget about it, there's always another job out there, and at least this stupid charge won't go on his work history since he quit.

i feel kinda bad for getting worked up over this, but i really thought she was going to tell me something bad. i have been angry inside, so i have been kinda distant to H. i apologized, and told him i'm sorry he had to deal with this, he really liked his job.

oh well, the drama is over(for now) so i'll let ya go. thanks again, julie

good god, he quit over that?i was gonna tell you about a coworker of mine was fired because a girl kept trying to hook up with him( she was a slut, he was married and turned her down a number of times) and filed sexual harrassment charges against him and he was fired. and it didnt matter that the whole store knew about her and saw him avoiding her. someone on this thread was exactly right , big companies take even the slightest threat of s.h VERY seriously, maybe he should threaten lawsuit? is that woman insane? the way we talk at MY job, she'd have us all fired!