Thanks I needed that.

To all who responded to my other post...

Points taken. De nile ain't just a river in Africa.

I HATE FOG

So, with my newly splintered behind dragging behind my hanging head...

I have filled out the LB and EN questionnaires.
I printed a second set for H to fill out when he returns from out of town tomorrow. I will tell him of all contacts with OM since last I RH'd and also tell him what triggered me to distance myself the last few days after nearly 3 weeks of accidental NC with OM came to a halt. Really was by chance, I can claim no effort there other than not calling OM (which I rarely did anyway). For that matter, the extracurricular not-business-related C we did have was mostly by chance too. Meetings these last 2 weeks that we would both have been at were canceled, and my Dad was in hospital (he's ok for now).

So starting now, NC rules apply (except for the 2 absolutely unvoidable hours IN GROUPS per week). I will not hang out and converse with OM, I will not engage in pleasantries. It hurts like hell, but I have to do it. Withdrawal's gonna suck. I must do what needs doing to save this M if possible. NO MORE EXCUSES.

Over and out.

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: Singing for Supper ]</small>

Have you checked out the thread here "moving forward"? There are a lot of ladies in your same position.

HI believer. Good to hear from you again, O wise one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

YES I did go to moving forward board. It is partly what pushed me (aside from the uncomfortable sensation of multiple 2x4's whacking me in the [censored]) I saw that I was nt alone and that I would have so much support. I am glad I found MB!

In addition, I have printed out the basic principles, LB and EN descriptions. Should I also write a NC letter to OM? I have seen that addressed on several posts - is it recommended? I feel like I should give him some explanation, because of the long friendship we had before EA snuck up on us. Frankly, it is his restraint and common sense more than mine that kept it from going to a full-blown PA. In fact, he has been very much in favor of me getting my M back on track. How's that for irony?

Laughing at myself while I cry...

SFS,

I'm in the same boat. Should I send a NC letter? If so, what should it say? And isn't that just a form of "contact" that you should be avoiding anyway?

Singing for Supper,

I’ve followed your previous thread and I’m glad you have come this far and realize NC is the way to go! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I’m in a similar situation than you in the sense that I’m still working at the same company as FOM and can’t completely avoid accidental contact with him. Before I give you any advice, let me first give you a brief background of my situation:

I was also friends with OM long before the friendship became inappropriate and developed to beginning of EA during third year of e-mail contact. After the friendship ended, OM tried to contact through e-mail, but at that stage I’ve not yet send him an official NC letter. In stead, I have just ignored him. Like you, I was wondering if a NC-letter would be appropriate and if it wouldn’t be just another form of contact. Anyway, a few months later OM phoned me and eventually (1 YEAR after the friendship was ended) I’ve decided to send him a very short NC-letter. The letter just said the friendship was inappropriate; that contact will be hurtful to my H; that he must not try to contact me again and if there is accidental contact, he must just ignore me or pass me by. For a long time after I’ve send this letter OM respected my request but eventually he tried to contact me again. After this I’ve send OM a 2nd NC letter but this time I’ve send him a long e-mail and “closure” letter as well. OM responded to it. We both found “closure” and for the first time I felt as if I could put everything behind me and move on. Since then, I have not look back and there have not been any other intentional contact from him. If we accidentally bump into each other now, we just greet and don’t talk at all. After that 2nd letter both of us know where we stand with each other and that any intentional contact will be totally unacceptable. It also gave me the peace of mind I didn’t have before I’ve sent that 2nd letter. However, the mistake I HAVE made was sending the 2nd letter without my H’s consent…this was a big mistake. (Understandably I received many 2 x 4's from members <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ). If I could do anything over again, I would send OM a NC-letter and “closure” letter from the very beginning (just after the friendship was ended) WITH my H’s full knowledge and consent.

So, in my opinion and from my own personal experience I think it might be a good idea if you send OM a NC-letter ASAP and not dragging it out till it might became necessary at a later stage.... I think the sooner you close things off and let OM understand exactly how things will be in future and where he stands with you, the better. It will also help you to get these things behind you and move on WITH your H. Before you send the letter, discuss this with your H first and make sure he agrees with the content of the letter.

Good luck,
Suzet

<small>[ June 29, 2004, 07:40 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

SFS/Boss: I agree that a NC letter should be sent. Your H's should read and approve of it first. It would be best if he was the one to drop it in the mail. If you use email, make sure he is there when you press the send button. Your letter should be very business like, just state the facts and what you expect.

There may come a time when a 2nd letter would need to be sent if the 1st doesn't work. In the case of myself and Onlywords, we actually sent 3 or 4 NC letters. The first was ignored by OM. The 2nd had to be rewritten a couple of times. (Onlywords had some very good double entendre's-good digs at the OM, but also at the same time sounded like she was professing her love to him-so they had to be rewritten.) I wrote one to both OM and OMW, and then Onlywords sent another one in a birthday card to OM that she didn't tell me about until after she sent it.

This last letter/card was very hurtful to me because she didn't tell me about it ahead of time. She thought that it was most helpful to her because it came from her heart and not because I told her to do it. I might have agreed with that if I would have known about it ahead of time, but that's water under the bridge now.

If you want help, I'm sure you could look around here for past NC letters or write your own, then post it here for review. Best of luck ladies.

God Bless!
RH