My ws told our 25 yr old son that we were thinking about separating tonight and she told the reason was she had an affair. My strong young son is of course very angry of his mother. She cried that she had hurt her son more than she cried that she hurt me. The A is still ongoing with daily phone calls but now she is starting to realize who is hurt by this. Not just me but her children. She cried like I have never seen her cry and through her tears she blamed me for it. Cause I wasn't the husband I should have been. I may have LB when I told her I din't choose the A.

She still has one more son to tell and he being just like her will react very impulsively. He will also be very angry.

I kept my cool tonight pretty much. Even went to talk to older son and told him how much his Mom loved him and to realize that she is a human being that made a huge mistake. He is so angry with her. When I told him I loved her he said I don't know how you do it.

Question? How do I react to her and to my children? I let the 2 that know (28 & 25) that this is not their fault at all. And that I am available if they want to talk. How do I support my wife in this.

d-day may 22
married 28 yrs

hopeful - You are very new in this. I don't think you can help your kids, just let their mom talk to them.

However, I think she will be back.

Kudos to you for your handling of your son's anger. You did the right thing by pointing out that she is human, you still love her, and all of us make mistakes. Having been both the WS and the BS, I know how much it took for you to do that.

Continue to maintain your support of your wife's general character. Good people make stupid mistakes every day. Character assassination is no way to respond, especially to the children, no matter what their age. I have done it as the BS, and felt horrible, reaping what I sow in my children's disappointment in me. My H has engaged in it since my EA, and he feels badly too.

Continue to respond as you have to your sons. They can know that you are hurting, that you are angry, and that you are disappointed in thier mother. To say you are not would be an obvious untruth and insulting to the intelligence of all involved. But you can do this with dignity and all the while making deposits into the Love Bank, which your WW will appreciate down the road. I know I do.

Best of luck to you, my prayers go for your family. I ask that you do the same for me.

believer,

I hope your right about her coming back. How do I support her in this? I can make myself available for my grown children but WS takes it that I am turning her kids against her.

today i woke feeling pretty good. I can live without my ws if she chooses to go to the om. She had a real dose of reality last night when she told oldest son what she had done. She found out she hurt more than just me. One more son to know but I suspect he already know because his sister and brother already know. I need to support my ws and I try but she keeps blaming me for her A say I didn't show enough affection for her. So I will see what the day brings but I will get down. I will be positive no more what happens.

correction: I will be positive no matter what happens. I will not get down.

hopefulinnc - by any chance are you and your wife Christians?

In the meantime, having been pretty much in your shoes let me give you a link to my first thread on MB, some 2 years ago, that you might finding helpful, perhaps even hopeful, in dealing with your current events.

First post: WW left marriage for OM, decision to try to recover marriage.

God bless.

Great story, forever hers.

Hopeful - Okay your wife has given you a clue to what was wrong in the marriage. You must tell her you are sorry for your part. Then work on changing yourself. I know that it does not seem fair, but very necessary.

Well the youngest son has been told and he is quite angry with his mother. I said to him in front of her "don't cut her out of your life, she is your mother and she loves more than life itself." He said it is between us and he doesn't want to talk. I caught him in the garage for a short conversation and he is so angry at her.

She in the meantime is in quite a funk. The OM called this morning she didn't erase the caller ID. So the A goes on. How do I support her in this? She is blaming me for everything that was wrong in our marriage and that is why she had the A. To get her need for affection and conversation met. Both my sons told me leave her.

I am feeling like a separation is the right thing to do. I need for this chaos to be over with. Any advice?