I spoke with WW about the DV paperwork. She said our court date is July 16th. Its kinda weird that that day is exactly the same day she moved out a year ago. I asked her if this is what she really wanted. She said she didn't know what she wanted. I said it wasn't too late to work things out. There was some silence, then she said she had to go get ready to leave for her camping trip.
I also said to her that I couldn't wait forever for her to make a decision.

So, I guess she has about 3 weeks to get her head on straight or we'll get the DV. I don't want this, but I can't put my life on hold any longer. Looking forward to some sort of closure...

Hi LWH,

I was going to respond to your other post but I saw this one just now.

Even though your WW doesn't know what she wants,as she stated to you,YOU still have to get on with your life even if that's without her.Her confusion and indecision could last many months more or even years.Admittedly,many WS's are so confused about what they did,why,where they are going and everything else but it's not something we can figure out for them.They have to do that.It's their journey.

And,just like my WH,I need to let him go to be able to do that.If he cannot make the necessary changes within himself to save our marriage and our family then I can't do it alone and so I have to put a stop to the pain and suffering,my own and my childrens.

None of us wants a divorce but sometimes we have to go through it.There really isn't any alternative which is sad.Even Dr.Harley states in his SAA book that Jon gave Sue 2 years total to get her **** together or he's divorcing her.Staying with an adulterer is not something you can do forever.We each have our limits.Try not to feel too badly if it's possible.All of us here having been trying our best but we can't change other's,just ourselves,right?

Hang in there.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 29, 2004, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Octobergirl,
Thanks for the support. Some days I look forward to the DV. One, I just want closure, 2, I'd really like to tell my W and her OM how I "really" feel. I probably will never do that, but it would be nice to get some things off my chest...

My Ds are camping with WW and OM this weekend. I'm already lonely without my girls. I guess I'll just have to get out and catch a lot of fish!!!

LWH, I just thought I would echo OG's comments as she and I are going through the D process. You are in control of yourself and no one else is. I would seriously suggest it is time to move on move on...mourn for a little but realize what is ahead of you. Make this choice and you will begin to feel better about yourself. After all, you cannot change your WS, you can only change yourself. This will take some time for you to understand but you will begin to feel better.

It took awhile for me to understand this as I was Plan A'ing my *** off. But I also had a boundary setup and vowed long ago I would never be lied to again...and my WS crossed it and that was it for me, no turning back. I now realize I could leave, close the door and feel no regrets.

Good Luck to both of you in your Life's journey. Things will get better for us all.

I will toast a beer to you this 4th as I play volleyball on the beach in California...I am looking forward to some R/R for a few days.

My Ds are camping with WW and OM this weekend.
Why are you allowing ANY contact between om and your childen?

Chris,
My Ds are older and they see their mother whenever they choose, which isn't very often. They can't stand OM and they are pretty outgoing and let him know it whenever possible. So, I let them spend as much time with WW and OM as possible!

WW and OM got into a big fight during this camping trip and my Ds being there made it even worse, so all the better to me! My oldest D told OM he was a piece of $hit! He told my Ds, you win! I think its more like, OM you lose!!!

Court date is less than a week away. My heart is hurting. I thought it would be easy after all this time, but its not. I think my WWs affair is starting to weaken and I think this even puts more doubts in my mind as to whether to DV or not. She hasn't said anything to me about even trying to work things out. My contact with her has been very minimal, almost non existant. I don't know whether to try to contact her or just let it go.

Here's the latest as far as her and OM are concerned. Ds said that WW and OM had a big fight during 4th of July weekend. WW said she will be leaving OM as soon as one of them can find another place to live. Some things that bother me are: WW doesn't make alot of money and really can't afford a decent place unless it is subsidised housing, she ended up buying a truck for OM expecting him to be paying for it, her name is on the loan, she already has a car payment from before, she has alot of credit card debt, and she doesn't have any relatives that live close by, we live in Alaska and her mom lives in Florida. Most of the guys at work think this is great, that she is getting what she deserves, but it makes me unhappy and I feel sorry for her. I wish I could do something, but I'm not sure if she wants my help...

Why can't I just let go?....

Lwh,

Need to get your heart and mind in sync before you finish this D. She is ready to fall. You need to realize when you step back and she falls, it is her doing not yours or your family's.

OM is a loser and she is going to have to get to that realization ASAP. Her $$ maybe the only hardline tool that will force her to acknowledge it. Remember $$ is an inatimate object with no feelings.

$$ or the lack thereof, will force a wake up call but the results c/b devatsating. That is her choice. All you can do is be safe and watch. U up to that?

L.