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ark - Hello! Long time, no type to. I read that you posted the Lighthouse the other day to someone, and I cannot find it. I also do not know how to use the search functions on this site. So, could you copy the post for me, OR explain the search feature? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Thanks much. I want to give it to SadMarylandLady along with star*fish's explanations of Plan A and B (I found that post). Thank you! SS
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Here it is.... I am not very computer savvy...but the search function will bring this up if you search it under keywords lighthouse...and then click general questions as the forum..otherwise..it searches everything... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> hey spidie.... anyway your husband would ever post his side here?... I can't remember if he did ever post in his fogdom... but i'd love it if he would share his POV... not if it causes you or him any distress... but give it some thought.... you sound so good.... so glad for you.... Your spouse is in huge conflict.... the good news is and the truth is that they are totally incapable of a healthy relationship with anyone right now... the competition we believe that exist with the OP is a shallow empty reflection of Gods light in this world... It is empty and lonely no matter how good the rush their actions are actions that they themselves do not like in themselves right now....though the need to go back again again and attempt to prove themselves wrong or right is strong...they do not like what they are doing... their actions towards you, the children, the OP, and themselves...keep them from engaging in any type of real interactions...with real depth and truth all they offer are misguided attempts to fill the void that has appeared in their life... yet the filling is way too fleeting to sustain them and the truth is with them each night he or she lays down regardless of whom is next to them.... they are the living cliche..of no matter where you go to hide...there YOU are... he or she is lost to themselves... and you stand at that point of being the lighthouse home....even though they create the waves that block their vision from seeing that... You become the lighthouse..you fill your home with light, calmness and sanctuary... see just visualize yourself as a lighthouse... Your offer them glimpses into that sanctuary at every chance you get... you invite them towards it...let them know it is there as much as you can in a most subtle way.... they are untrustable right now... but you know that...so they can't hurt you right now...they will spend great energy to convince others differently...but you know better... you show the path by also protecting the children from their painful actions..... set clear boundaries that the OP is not part of your childrens lives.... without lovebusting... offer alternatives that let them see the children...but be clear that the OP is to have no access to them... you fill the childrens lives with stability....they deserve it and need it more than anything else.... Do not discuss and or powerstruggle with them on irrational movements...seek out and validate the rational ones with lots of praise for when he or she chooses correctly.... your spouse is very lonely and sad right now..but that is OK...no one can stay very long in that chaos...it is wearisome to the soul... and remove yourself from any aspect of participating or adding to the chaos...and eventually they will see that you are the only one...who stood with clarity and reason when they needed it most... be the lighthouse.... OK that's really out there I know.... hope that helps arkster
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AND even more important than anything else..
when do we get to try those awesome brownies of yours????????????????
ark
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It helped me, thanks for the inspiration!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> hey spidie.... anyway your husband would ever post his side here?... I can't remember if he did ever post in his fogdom... but i'd love it if he would share his POV... not if it causes you or him any distress... but give it some thought.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have asked H to post here, that so many FWS (or WS) are in need of hearing that it is possible to get through an A on the other side - that there is hope. His answer is that he is too busy to post here. Which, in many different ways, is true. Number 1 way is that he IS too busy to do much more than he is right now. He has 1 hi-stress job at a start-up company that is trying to make itself profitable before the investors drop it ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ); 2 he is back to school full time to get his degree before his GI bill expires; 3 he works part-time at a second job supporting software he created, that just will not go away even though we really want them to; 4 as you remember, he is a Scout leader, and that takes up the rest of his time planning and running the meetings. AND, as you and I both know, sometimes it is hard to pull away from here, especially when so many are hurting. H is afraid if he started posting, he wouldn't get all of his other stuff done. But he completely supports me being here. I finally told him my handle about a month ago. He really likes it (I knew he would). He thinks when I come here to MB that I become Spidey, the superhero, out to help people. That is my intention. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And, when people ask me specific WS questions, or about my H, a lot of times I ask him (since he is working here next to me on his computer each night). And he tries to explain it to me, and I try and explain it to others . . . I'm sure lots gets lost in the translation, though. Anyway, yes, I am doing good. It is amazing how much more sense all of this makes when you are not in emotional turmoil! I think that is why it is so important to keep telling people the same things over and over, so they can start to soak it in. Or perhaps others are not as thick-headed as I was. AND, on the best note (knock-on-wood), I believe OW's S has dropped out of Scouts. She hasn't gone since H moved back home and his NC email. In her reply to his NC email, she said she intended to keep her S in that Troop, because we could all act like adults for the children's sake (I wonder where her maturity was sleeping with my H on my bedroom floor, running and hiding and lying like a teenager - HM!) - but, I digress. She said, "I'm sure I won't be ostracized by the Troop because of the things SS has told them." And, after telling H how happy she was that we were getting back together, and she understood about NC, she told H to be sure to contact her about how he did hunting and fishing this year - and reminded him of when the seasons started. Dumb HW. I know, DJ, but . . . dumb HW. H and I are still in MC, and probably will be for a few more months, at least. Definately until we BOTH feel comfortable, and the MC says he thinks we are ready, as well. I struggle, but as far as I can tell, I am "normal." I am actually going to save your post on my hard drive, so I can find it anytime. Seems like whenever I search or anything, I get kicked off, lose my post, lose myself in words! So thanks so much for checking in on me. And thank you so much for your words and guidance and care during the most scary, painful, and difficult time in my life. You are one of many that I feel I owe at least the biggest THANK YOU to, if not a huge plate of BROWNIES!!!! Now, that tickles my memory . . . do you remember the story regarding the brownies? I kind-of do, but for a while, the days just oozed into the each other, and specifics have been lost. Chat at you later, you girlie-girl! SS
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spid.. whoooo-hoooo just went back and read some of your old posts... man if your FORMER wayward spouse is sitting next to you while you read this one...please lightly smack him right on the forhead and say... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> didn't "we" make/advise you to make and leave out brownies during one his plan "b" visits.... it's like the oldest plan b trick in the book... have the house smelling smashing with some favorite food or treat.. the smell is our memories strongest trigger more than sight or hearing.... hee hee... no level too low to be stooped to when in plan b... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> what I no longer remember is your original nick... ark <small>[ June 29, 2004, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>
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ya'll knock it off! You're going to give Ark a big head and pretty soon she will have helmet hair like me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Mel's do-------------------> http://www.revelationwebsite.co.uk/index1/evil/vanimpe.jpg <small>[ June 29, 2004, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>
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Girls girls girls. Yes, it is I, Amy Maree. That is what my aunts and grandma call me when I am being naughty. Like eating a chocolate-dipped icecream cone right before posting to LordsLady. Bad bad bad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Brownies is what HopefulinNY did for her WH. I am a master - I did H's favorite chocolate chip recipe that I am famous for over here in the potato state. But the one that really got him, was one Sunday he INSISTED he couldn't wait for the boys and I to leave for church before he came and got some tax info he was missing. The boys and I were just sitting down to the traiditional Sunday breakfast over here, that I put on hold for a while when H first left, but started up again - because it is good, and life goes on. So I put all the tax info on the chair right inside the door, so he just had to pop his head in and grab it. But then he insisted he remembered some other info he needed from the back room. I could tell by the look on his face that he was being flooded with memories. Did I offer him some? NO! Was I nice? YES! Was I chatty? NO! As he left that morning, I saw him looking back in the front window at his family, eating waffles and bacon (you know that smells up a house), watching cartoons, laughing and having fun, our own little "family." I truly think that day grabbed him. Chance favors the prepared. If I would have been wallowing in my pity, he would have come home to a sad house with no smells and no laughing. He called about 5 minutes before he came over, so he knew I wasn't putting on a show for him. And he was right! But I used it! I worked it! Because all you ladies trained me SOOOOO well. And Susan, I really miss your not-getting-your-knickers-in-a-knot sig line. Even during my darkest hours here, each time I read that I cracked a smile. And for the split second, I realized my life wasn't ending. I like you new one, but I LOVED your old one. And Mel, that is impressive helmet hair. Is that the style in Texas? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <small>[ June 29, 2004, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: Spider Slayer ]</small>
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Yeah well.. I still want to know if you bonked him on the head tonight..just once for me... disclaimer...not condoning violence.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> just one small forhead bonk... mmmmhhhh chocolate chip cookies work just as well as brownies... bacon and waffles...even better mel is always impressive.... and maybe they call me ark because I already have a big head..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ark
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Dag-nabbit! Double post! I like the second one better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<small>[ June 29, 2004, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: Spider Slayer ]</small>
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OK, H is working in the other room on his laptop for school. I went in and told him, "What were you thinking?" and mentioned the forhead bonking. He looked at me with his loving, little puppy-doy eyes, and said, "That wouldn't be nice." So, I gave him lots of kisses instead. But I still said, "What were you thinking?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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thak you susan luv...
I have also tried to get the get grounded in plan a one on the old boards...but I can't even find in the search engine...
ARK
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I have also tried to get the get grounded in plan a one on the old boards It's bumped too. SuzyQ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Arkie,
The brownies did work.........but
I think the ham dinner one Sunday worked the best. Also the nightie hanging in the bathroom with the thong underwear also was a good one.
AHhh. I dont miss those days one bit.
HINY
BS, Me, 43
FWH, 40
M 14 yrs, together 17
1 S 11,1 DD 1st M 19
Dday 11/1/03
Recovery started Sept '04
Recovered
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BS, Me, 43
FWH, 40
M 14 yrs, together 17
1 S 11,1 DD 1st M 19
Dday 11/1/03
Recovery started Sept '04
Recovered
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