WH been in A for almost 1 year. I did Plan A pretty well until a few months ago. He has been on again, off again with OW since October.

He sent NC in April and things were good for April and beginning of May. He says if he's not mean to me, I think things are fine. I thought we were getting along well and having fun again with each other. Guess I was wrong.

Then he's back with her again the end of May ... just texting, emailing and phoning (I think) after he saw her on out of town business trip. I knew it would happen and I should have gone with him, but I didn't.

Again, he broke it off sometime in May. Then it got back on and was broken off just recently. That night he came home and said, "you're the only woman for me, the only woman I want to be with." Don't know if there's been more contact, but I think there has.

Everytime this happens, I lose more love for him. When he says he's going to stay with me, my love grows. Then he contacts her and my legs get taken out from under me again.

Had a bad conversation this morning. All I seem to do anymore is LB. Part of me doesn't want to be without him and loves him very much ... the other part of me wants nothing to do with him anymore.

I can't make a decision. HELP!!!!!!!!!

Time for Plan B.

I'm no expert, but Plan B would finally give him the clue that you aren't a doormat to be walked over. Also, if you haven't, read Love Must Be Tough, buy James Dobson. You'll get a lot from it. There comes a time they must have to pay a price and reap some repercussions of the continued cheating and lying.

Hang tough

believer, I think you're right. I've been coming to the conclusion of Plan B for quite some time now.

Last night, I was planning to go out either by myself or ask my WH to go. There were out of town people from work here. When I told him I was going out, he asked me to go with him. I thought quite a lot about saying no, but ended up going. He said let's just go and have fun, which we did.

On the way home, he was following me in his vehicle at first. Then lagged behind ... I wasn't speeding, so he was under speed limit. I think he called OW and didn't want me to see him on the phone.

The song, "Falling in and out of love with you" continues to run through my mind. When he asked me to go with him, I fell in love again. We had a nice time and I was happy. Then this morning, I'm not in love anymore again.

He has treated me with such disrespect for many years, quick to get angry at me (generally over something small). Then this affair has been the ultimate disrespect.

I know in my heart we would be fine if we stayed married and he stopped the affair. But I continue to wonder if he will change, be a better man, treat me more gently, and really love me with all of his heart. This uncertainty is killing what I have for him. Some days I focus on the positives of our R, and some days, like today again, I am looking at all of the negatives.

Right now, I have no joy in my life. I can't even seem to find much happiness in our children. My friends have pretty much stayed away ... know they think I should leave him. I don't want to talk to my family or his family about our situation anymore ... they all probably think I should leave him, too.

Being who I am, I know that I am lovable. I keep thinking that maybe this is a sign that there is someone else out there who I would be happier with, who would treat me better. I know that is probably a fantasy for me, much like his fantasy with OW ... but I am thinking it more and more these days.

We are supposed to go to his family's this weekend. I don't know if I want to go. I want to be with our children and his family, but don't know if I want to spend time with him. He says let's just go and have fun. Well sh**, we've done the "having fun" thing so many times and he still doesn't love me. How many more times does he need before he will make a f****** decision, before he will be in love with me for good??! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm so depressed right now. I don't want to hear about going on anti-depressants. After d-day, I did go on Paxil for several months. It probably made me think clearer, but I don't want to be on medication again ... plus, H thinks I'm a wacko for doing that.

Will continue to read and post, but I guess I probably know what I should do .... unfortunately <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Before you give up now (which, you said, was 50% of how you were feeling) why not give Plan B a try. You are enabling his affair. What incentive does he have to end it FOREVER?? He goes back, then comes home, and you take him back.

Plan B is to preserve the love you have for him, or help yourself move the hell on. And in either case, isn't it better than losing that love now in this hell, and then not knowing that you tried everything you could to salvage your marriage.

The best case is, he gets his act together.

The worst (or maybe different best case) is that you start to slowly get over him, heal, learn who you are, and finally get to a place where you can move on without kicking and screaming, but peacefully, gracefully, on your terms.

T, sometimes I get on here and just type and maybe don't make myself completely clear (which is something H says I do with him, too ... trying to work on that). I was referring to going to Plan B.

Yes, I daily think of divorce now, but am willing to do Plan B first for a while and see what happens to "us". Then move forward with divorce, if necessary.

I appreciate the responses for you all. Without MB and my best friend, I wouldn't be on this earth anymore. Some days I'm down, but am glad I didn't decide to end everything once and for all back in those dark days of the fall.