I made contact with the OM's W. She knew nothing about A between her H and my W. During my contact I "felt" her out and just led on about the EA that exists between my WW and her H. I said nothing about the PA that exists. She does know my W and throughly hates her for other reasons. OM's W stated that their marriage is better than ever. She never suspected that this was going on. I have thought about taking my WW as a surprise over to their house when they are both home and confronting him, them,everyone involved. My WW states that she can in complete confidence tell OM anything,and he won't say a word to anyone. Which by talking to OM's W I have found not all true. OM's W thinks that my WW is a whiney, selfish B###H.I look at that senario as a potential LB to him. But it could backfire on me also. OM's BW has stated that IF he was found cheating that she would kick him out in a heartbeat. Not good for me I guess. Anyone done this? Or is this suicide? Thx!

I am in the same boat. My WW says it is not the right time to tell the OMW and the urge to tell her is EXTREME. Some days more than others. The OM in my sitch is very smooth and my WW feels that he will be able to "sweet talk" his wife into believing it isn't true.

Dr. H says best thing to do is get the A all in the open, the sooner the better. Advice I should probably take, but haven't yet.

Tough call.

Get ready, you are going to get blasted as there are a lot of people who say TELL no matter what.

NCW

I'm not going to blast anyone.

NCW, I read your other post - just wanted to say I see where you are at today.

I WANTED my H to tell the OM's W. I was so close to contacting him again and I knew he would probably contact me at some stage. H contacted her, to put a stop to everything once and for all and to let her know what she was dealing with. It was an interesting conversation and she leaped to OM's defence which H found quite shocking. He felt he had to justify why he was hurting so badly.

I didn't want to hurt her I just wanted to make sure that it was impossible for me and OM to contact each other. I have had no contact from either of them since and neither has my H.

We all live very close and I am sure I'll see her one day at our local shops but I'll deal with that when it happens.

Jenny

adandydude, its your call really. Doing it to expose the A and hopefully help end it is a good idea. I didn't because it would have been for revenge and I didn't want to walk that path.

Since you've already spoken with her, you may as well go all the way and see what happens. Yes, its a risk but if it has a chance to help end the A it may well be worth it. Good luck.

NCW, wouldn't you agree that in your own situation, the ignorance of OM's W of the affair is inhibiting the recovery of your own M? The concern in your situation is that the silver-tongued OM will convince his wife that it isn't true. It seems like RAP is getting away with this affair not exposed the way it should be. Maybe she needs to feel that consequence.

As for ADD, so let's see. OM's W says their marriage is "better than ever" but if she found out he'd cheated she'd "kick him out in a heartbeat"? It may be a pretty thing to say that, but it's often easier in theory than in practice.

I say tell OM's W the rest of the story. You're afraid it will make her boot out OM and then he'll be free, but it's probably not that simple. Did finding out about the EA not upset her?

GC

GC, my H also had in the back of his mind that she may kick him out and make him "free" but by the time he contacted her we had been reading here a great deal and thought it was very unlikely.

Seriously, it was the best thing H ever did. There was a big debate on here about "revenge" and H has to admit there was a certain satisfaction in outing him.

But the overwhelming need was to make sure he never contacted me again. And, it has worked.

Jenny

OMW stated that she knew that my W was depending on her H for EN's. She didn't realize the extent though. She was shocked. It doesn't surprise me that their marriage was doing well because he was/is getting "it" from both women. He is extremely happy to oblige. I think that he wants sex only from my W and he is willing to say or do anything to get that. To expose him as a fraud would do much to discredit him and dimish his importance. The problem my W has is that all the past relationships she has had with men, they would all tell her what she wanted to hear and she would give them sex. I don't fit that mold and never did (well almost never). This OM is the poster child for her bad relationships with men. Also my W stated that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to other women about her EN's. She finds it's easier to talk to men. Doesn't make much sense. Thx!... (Beginning to wonder if all this b@**$#!t is really worth it).

By all means expose the affair. Someone needs to be honest with her. I did and this woman(OM's) wife) has been extremely supportive. She and I and have conferred on several occasions. The A is not over but both she and I are tired of the chaos and lies in our life. By doing this your ws will be pissed but who cares if she ends the A. My didn't so I'm headed for separation. And right now that looks Ok to me.