D-Day May 22-WS has been in a long term A with her former high school bf. He is married with 2 kids and we have been married for 28 yrs with 3 grown children(28,25 and 18). In the past couple of days she has told both the 25 and 18 yr old sons of her intention to separate and why. The 28 yr old knew on DDay. The oldest son 25 talked her last night and really put his heart on his sleeve telling that he had lost respect for her and that he couldn't be around her. He asked several questions that she wouldn't answer like what are going to do? How will you support yourself. The youngest son 18 is so angry that he won't talk to her. She said to me this morning that she feels that she has lost her kids. I said nothing. The A continues as he calls everyday. She says she loves him and wants to be with him. I am getting to the point where I want this chaos to end. I think I am ready for a separation. I love her but I can't live with this going on. Looks like plan B for in the very near future. Now that everyone knows she may just take the separation and go to him since she feels like she has burned bridges here. I am trying to be supportive but damn this is so hard. Any thoughts from you good folks on my situation?


married 28 yrs
d-day may 22
3 kids in our family
2 kids in OM family
long term A both EA/PA

You should go to plan b now..

you sound ready for it.....

I am trying to be supportive but damn this is so hard

there is no reason for you to be supportive of things that do not warrant support..her continued daily contact is of great disrepect..

and still the fantasy of what and how she believe is way different from the reality...as she is finding out from her children...

the great irony is the belief held by some WS that people will want them to be happy no matter what that "happiness" entails...

they are truly confused and hurt that people don't say things like

you need to do what makes you happy...
or the really dumb people who say or think..
that your children only want your happiness...

no matter the plan..you can't control or make or do anything...

plan b...will preserve the last smidgen of love you have while at the same time set clear boundaries on your removal from her chaos...

the belief that you will still be her friend...needs a little reality check...

her relationship with the OP...has been protected from outsider pains (except yours which can be rationalized)
the childrens pain take this to a whole new level..

she will try to use you to soothe her and them from her actions that are painful...

In plan b you choose out, to be her buffer and let her hold alone what she has done and is doing..

ark...

thanks ark^^-I think I am ready for it. We need to get some legal issues taken care of then she can go. Youngest son leaves for college in August. I think she is buying time so she can be here when he goes. I don't know if I can stand it that long. We do have a couple of events the next 2 weeks I promised I would do with her. But this chaos has got end and soon.

We do have a couple of events the next 2 weeks I promised I would do with her.

why?

why keep yourself in the mess of these things...

why even say then she can go..
this has nothing to with her..
or making things easy for her to go or not go..

this you staking your claim of being done with the blatant disrepect...

BS are at risk for the abnormal becoming the normal in their lives the longer they stay exposed to abnormal behavior...

why are YOU waiting...

and you can have technical contact with the legal stuff with an intermediary...

watch out for the excuse trap...
bottom line is that plan B is scary..
but it really is independance day for you...
not being part of a triangle...
do i have to get believe on your tail.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

ark

as far as the couple of events I guess I was trying to be supportive of her. One of the events is my son's college orientation which parents are required to attend. The other is a banquet for her because she just received her CPA license.

sons college orientation......go seperately or go without her...just you and son..
who says son will want her there..
he certainly has the right to choose

why would you go to her dinner??? bleeech....

why
why why why..

ark