Hi SS

I've lost your email address after a number of glitches on my computer. I also realised that its a month since I last posted. A sign of the peace in my life these days.
I have never regretted finishing my rel. with J. He and I exchange emails occasionally and both are at peace with our decision. I haven't met any one new and am content in waiting for God to bring the right man into my life. I did have contact by email and phone with one man, a christian but he was asking me if God was speaking to me about marriage ( to him!) after 2 phone calls and without meeting. I said no and terminated the contact.
The boys are generally doing well. A. had a glowing report from school and is very involved in the athletics team. D goes to spend a fortnight with T on Sunday as he is doing 'wroks experience' at T's g.f's company. C is the same scamp as always.
Work wise I have an interview next week for a company I worked for before- when I wrote the booklet for children changing schools. I am also now involved volunteering a few hours a week with Home Start and organisation that provides befrienders to people with children under 5 who are struggling in some way. I met my first family yesterday and the mum is a christian and thrilled to find I am as well. I am also volunteering with Barnados another charity which runs family forums to bring all family members together to discuss and find solutions to problems. Both these volunteer jobs provide training and will I hope in the long run either lead to a permanent post with them or give me the necessary experience to work as a Family Support worker elsewhere.
In church I continue to find my place and fulfilment. I am helping with a summer holiday club for a week- which C will attend with me, and and I am involved on a weekly basis with prayers and reading and stewarding. I came out of the service on Sunday full of joy and the renewal of sense of purpose and vision in Gods family.
So life is very good. I hope it is well with you and your family.
Jante

I've lost your email address after a number of glitches on my computer.
Re-sending to jeh @K address.

I also realized that its a month since I last posted. A sign of the peace in my life these days.

I NOTICED !!!!!

Once you said you would be posting less, and less. I thought about posting to you again, but thought it best to let you go if that was what you wanted. I can tell you are doing better. There are things that once would have been very difficult for you, that you barely mention now. I used to tell you I was impressed, but now I take for granted that you are very talented, very intelligent, and all around a great person. I am teasing, but I am being accurate also.

I have never regretted finishing my rel. with J. He and I exchange emails occasionally and both are at peace with our decision. I haven't met any one new and am content in waiting for God to bring the right man into my life.

I know I shouldn't - You may hate me for this, but .........
but - do you want me to do that sign in the front yard now?

Wanted, single man. Must be good father, and good Husband...................................................................................

Sorry, don't know what came over me.
I'll slap my typing fingers.
You do know it is just my twisted sense of humor, don't you?
Or maybe it is a lack of a sense of humor - as Laura would say.

I believe God guides us if we seek his will in prayer, and live so as to merit his help. I suppose I should say that I KNOW he guides us.

I did have contact by email and phone with one man, a Christian but he was asking me if God was speaking to me about marriage ( to him!) after 2 phone calls and without meeting. I said no and terminated the contact.

It can happen, but usually not. Just for fun, I will tell you about meeting my W, and how we got engaged, but not now, it's longer than I have time for.

The boys are generally doing well. A. had a glowing report from school and is very involved in the athletics team.

He loves him mum too - do you know that?

D goes to spend a fortnight with T on Sunday as he is doing 'wroks experience' at T's g.f's company.
Is he at the stage where he things he knows everything? S is there - but he has both good and bad days. Lucky for us, more good than bad. I expected him to help me in the garden this morning, but he never came out. Still thinking about what to do with it.

C is the same scamp as always.

Yes, and his mums favorite person to hug. You may only have that from him another year or two, but perhaps longer with things more settled as they are now. Just wait until you get grand kids to hold, it is really fun !

Work wise I have an interview next week for a company I worked for before- when I wrote the booklet for children changing schools.

I see the website that the booklet info was on, is no longer online. What will it be this time? More similar writing? Do you enjoy that? I do a lot of advertising writing, but it is not really exciting.


I am also now involved volunteering a few hours a week with Home Start and organisation that provides befrienders to people with children under 5 who are struggling in some way. I met my first family yesterday and the mum is a christian and thrilled to find I am as well. I am also volunteering with Barnados another charity which runs family forums to bring all family members together to discuss and find solutions to problems. Both these volunteer jobs provide training and will I hope in the long run either lead to a permanent post with them or give me the necessary experience to work as a Family Support worker elsewhere.

I am really impressed. With all that you have learned, you would be a great help to someone struggling with family or other issues. What a great way to be the good Samaritan.
You care too, always a plus when helping others. I know you care.

In church I continue to find my place and fulfilment. I am helping with a summer holiday club for a week- which C will attend with me, and I am involved on a weekly basis with prayers and reading and stewarding. I came out of the service on Sunday full of joy and the renewal of sense of purpose and vision in Gods family.

Sounds like your search was successful. I wish D, and A would go with you. We do have issues with S, but he has been attending faithfully, and calling other boys to get them to go with him. I think one boy owes his recent turnaround to S's help in getting him to attend. He would even go to this boys home each week to get him up and dressed on time so he could come. So, we take the problems with the good, and try to average it out. I suppose it is not good to be too critical, and if I think back to the teen years of another D, I can see he was not perfect either.

So life is very good. I hope it is well with you and your family

We just did a three day hike last week in the mountains - a wilderness area. 17 miles total hiking with packs and all gear. It was fun, and one we did the first time when the twins were seven. I think they enjoyed it more at 11 and it seemed easier for them. The grandchildren are a joy, you will get your turn, and it is FUN. Not to far away for you really - I thought it would be hard on me emotionally, (that I was that OLD) but it has not been at all.

No real problems in our family right now either.

So, thank you again for the update. I do wonder about you, and I do think about you and continue to pray for you. It is really good to know that things are still going well. Keep up that strong faith.

SS

Hi
Good to hear things are going well in your family- its good to know that despite the problems you have had S still goes to church with you.
My life was meandering along fine and then this w/e T has been up to visit the boys. Due to circumstances I chose not to go away but spent the days out on my own- and the evening out with a friend and T stayed the night in a caravan on my drive. However there were a couple of hours over teatime yesterday when we were in each others company.
The problem- its left me low again. Listening to him share his plans of his new life with his finacee,plans to move to the south coast- he even hinted that I might like to move with the boys there as well- though obviously not into the same town!- hearing him talk about his interaction with her childen when he hardly sees his own and just being with the person I used to love so much and having him treat me like his sister was so hard. I know I will get over it, and quicker than I used to but i needed to put my thoughts down and know someone was listening. Thanks
Jante

Yes, someone is listening.

My life was meandering along fine and then this w/e T has been up to visit the boys. Due to circumstances I chose not to go away but spent the days out on my own- and the evening out with a friend and T stayed the night in a caravan on my drive. However there were a couple of hours over teatime yesterday when we were in each others company.

You are very kind to accomadate him, but I have long worried about these kinds of things. Should I say more? Probably not.

The problem- its left me low again. Listening to him share his plans of his new life with his finacee,plans to move to the south coast- he even hinted that I might like to move with the boys there as well- though obviously not into the same town!-

You still meet needs for him. At least I think you do. You and I (and your mum, and your sisters) all wonder what the man is thinking. He is so far out of my normal range of thinking that I sometimes wonder if he got a bad bump on the head. Does he ever think about others feelings?

hearing him talk about his interaction with her childen when he hardly sees his own and just being with the person I used to love so much and having him treat me like his sister was so hard. I know I will get over it, and quicker than I used to but i needed to put my thoughts down and know someone was listening. Thanks

Thanks for posting, It is good to hear from you even if it is not the happiest news.

Do you ever think about that somewhat large, and very nice house in Heaven?

I hope you still have time to dream about things besides a steady job, and raising the boys up to be good men. I know they need to be considered, but I hope you have time to dream personal dreams.

I want to say again, it's not you. Your priorities are in order, you take care of things the way you should, and I believe God is happy with you.

The law of the Harvest is sure.
If you continue to do the things you ought to do,
God will make your dreams come true.

I know you have dreams in your heart, and even if you don't take them out and examine them very often, God knows them, and he loves you enough to help those dreams come true.

I don't know if you still shed any tears, but you can be sure that we care about you. You are not alone in the world. Heaven really is there waiting, and heaven exists on earth sometimes. Keep working for it, it will come.

SS

so sorry wrong post...

ark

<small>[ July 13, 2004, 08:56 AM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

Thanks ss

After a good nights sleep- I hadn't slept well on Saturday night having spoken to T- I am feeling much better and knowing that my life in God is moving on in a diffeent way.
Still waiting to hear about the interview I wnet for last week. It wouldn't be writing again, but running the Network Office and organising training. I am also applyiong for an Education Social worker postiion which would enable me to work with children who are school refusers and their familes.
The boys are all doing well and school finishes next week. C got a glowing repot from school. Its thinking about his longterm education that had me considering moving. He needs to be in a school where he will be stretched. But am praying about it and trusting God

Jante

Spent ,most of the night last night in the hospital with S. He had stomach pains and I took him in at 1:30 am. They ran some tests but after a time the pain gradually went away, and they sent us home and asked me to watch him. (W is gone out of state to visit her sister.) He seems much better now but I am tired, so I won't do a very good post, time to go to bed I think.

What will you be doing this summer for fun after the boys are out of school?

Probably can't afford to visit the Grand Canyon or anything, but you usually try to do something. What does C want to do?

I hope you get one of these jobs that you are looking for, I keep praying for you.

I think I will sleep.

SS

HI SS
I hope that S is still ok- how worrying for you, and even more for his mum when she isn't there to care for him herself. Yes I know dads can take just as good care, but us mums worry anyway!!!!
I have no plans with the boys for the summer. Because they are away for three weeks of the holiday with their dad in Corfu they don't want to do anything with me- I'm thinking of taking them up to Scotland in october instead. While they are away I have booked myself on a weeks coaching holiday to Austria- somewhere I have always wanted to visit. By travelling by coach I manged to get the holiday within my budget. As I don't look like having a job in that time, I also plan to spend some tiume with my mum and take her out on day trips to places she has always wanted to visit. I will keep myself busy and not allow myself to mope while I don't have the children.
Hope you are having a good summer
Jante

Hi J,

I hope that S is still ok- how worrying for you, and even more for his mum when she isn't there to care for him herself. Yes I know dads can take just as good care, but us mums worry anyway!!!!

W was away visiting her sister (traveling with her mum, and the twins.) I called them and she was home in less than 24 hours. Yes, she does worry.

It turned out to be a false alarm. The pain went away gradually, and he seems to be fine. Now If I could just get back the sleep I missed that night.


I have no plans with the boys for the summer. Because they are away for three weeks of the holiday with their dad in Corfu they don't want to do anything with me-

I bet it's not that they don't want to do something with you, but they want time with their friends too, and after all, they see you all the time. Boys think like that - I would know, after all.

I'm thinking of taking them up to Scotland in october instead.

Back "home"? Or just visiting because it's a nice place to visit?


While they are away I have booked myself on a weeks coaching holiday to Austria- somewhere I have always wanted to visit. By travelling by coach I manged to get the holiday within my budget. As I don't look like having a job in that time, I also plan to spend some tiume with my mum and take her out on day trips to places she has always wanted to visit. I will keep myself busy and not allow myself to mope while I don't have the children.

Austria would be nice - I envy you being able to go. You seem to busy to mope - but I think I know what you mean.

Tell your Mum "hi" for us. Sometime you will have bring her by for us to meet. I know they accomidate wheel chairs on international flights.

You will have to take really good notes about your trip and tell us all about it. When do you leave and return?

Would either of your sisters ever be able to go with you on one of these trips? Would you even want them to go?


Hope you are having a good summer

We did a family hike in late June. Three days, 17 total miles and camped over in a different spot each night. There are still large tracts of land with no roads "wilderness areas" and we enjoy getting out away from civilization and being together. We were in the mountains - about 9,500 ft of altitude. I did the same trip two weeks later with Spencers group of Boy Scouts.

We don't have much money either, but we find ways to do things together.


I will be interrested to hear how this Corfu trip goes for the boys. This will be the longest they have been away from you - and the longest they have been around XH's GF. I am wondering how they will like it.

I have been working away from my desk much of the time the last few weeks, and my replies are sporadic. Please forgive me for being slow to respond.

Weather is clear and sunny, 100 deg F yesterday, today it is supposed to be 102. I understand that much of the UK has colder than normal weather - how about you?

SS

Hi SS
Glad to hear that S is better- tummies can be strange organs at times!
I guessed you were busy and not able to post- I know you will catch up when you can.
I travel out to Austria on the 28th August and return on the 3rd Sept. just in time to have a day to do my laundry before the boys are back.
The boys fly out to Corfu with T on the 15th August.

Strange time at the moment- I would welcome your prayers and comments on this. I have continued to pray for T to return to the Lord for the last 3 years- but for the last 18 months have not included him returning to myself in those prayers. I even believed that the love I had for T had finally died.( Although back in December I did tell him I still loved him and would welcome him home anytime) However this last few days I find myself praying again for him to return to God and to me and the children. I don't know whether being on my own has just awakened old insecurities or whether God is at work in me.
From a confused
Jante

It is sometimes hard to know where our feelings come from. Being around him again awakened some latent feelings perhaps.

I think about this (T coming home)most of the time when I post to you. I think it was espoir that said "why would you want him back even if he would come."

I know he would need a lot or work, but if God could get him to come back, he could also produce the other changes needed.

It would be best for T to do that, families are meant to be together.

I continue to pray for you, I often pray for T, not knowing why. For a long time it has been hard to have faith that he will do what is right.

I suspect you have been praying for something like this: "If I am supposed to love T, help me to know, and if it would be best for me to move on, help me to do that."

I think God knows things we do not know, and he will help. He has always helped you - through every trouble, he won't stop now.

Sleep well, my prayers go with you.

SS

HI SS
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think it was espoir that said "why would you want him back even if he would come."

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that that is a question a lot of people would ask- my mum and sister included. But the truth is that he is the man I vowed to "love, honour and submit to" and nothing he has done has changed that- even though we are now divorced. Yes I still love him- though the pain of that love has decreased, and yes I can move on and be with other people. However any time spent in his presence does awaken those feelings, which is why until God shows otherwise it is best I don't see him. My prayer at the moment is a very simple one- God draw T back to yourself. I leave the rest in Gods hands to do as He wills best.
Spent this week helping at my churches Holiday club. Had a group of 10, 10-11yr olds ( including C) and had a wonderful time. I have enjoyed this holiday club so much more than any other years. I am tired though and will be glad of a rest after tomorow.
Only two weeks now until the boys leave on their holiday and a fortnight after I leave to go to Austria. Exciting times for us all. Well time to go pepare C's meal before his football.
Jante

Hi J,

Only a week now for the boys.

How are they spending their time this summer? Do they all play football, or just C?

Are they really serious about it, or is it just for fun?

Does their mum go to all their games?

No word on any of the jobs yet, but I keep hoping you get the one you want most of all. I have wondered if T pays, and if he is on time. I know he has been having troubles with money, and I hope you don't have to continue to worry about what will happen.

Things are quiet here, no new problems, most of the old ones resolved.

We keep praying for all of you - and we hope the prayers come true.

SS

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi SS
Well the boys left yesterday to spend the night at their dads before they all left for Corfu this morning. I have had a text to say they have arrived safely in Corfu- though with a 4 hour delay.
While they are away it is T's birthday. The boys have taken a present and card from them. I designed and printed my own card- not found a suitable one for an ex!! - and enclosed a brief note,.
" T
I have come to a place where I am happy and content with my life as it is. My prayer for you for the coming year is that you find the same. Thankyou for the happy times we had together and for three wonderful boys ( who I shall miss and look forward to their return).
Still with love J"
I'm not sure why I sent it but it felt right at the time. I tink its partly because I anticipate this holiday being a make or break time for T and S's relationship and if it should break I wanted a good thought of me in the background.
I have an inteview for a job tomorrow. It is as an organiser for a charity I have been volunteering with. Its an organisation that links befrienders up with families. Exactly the sport of work I belive God wants me to do.
Time to go prepare for this interview
jante

Hi
One week on and the boys are hopefully enjoying their holiday.
I didn't get the job I interviewed for on Monday- but as it was an internal candidate who got it they have asked me to apply for her job and told me I am a strong candidate for it!!
Spent today meeting and catching up with an old college friend I haven't seen for 16 years!!! It was as if we had met yesterday - a wonderful time and we are both agreed we are going to keep in touch this time. She lives 4 hours away from me but now we have email contact so can keep in touch. She is also divorced so we had a lot to empathise over.
Hope you are still enjoying summer
Jante

^

Wow, I havn't been paying attention, have I.

Hi Jante,

I have been enjoying the summer, but this last few weeks has been trade show season for us. I have been away much of the time and I am TIRED. I keep hoping I will get a rest, but - you know - no rest for the wicked. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

For some reason I thought this was the week you would be away. I keep thinking about the boys being away, and wonder how you are doing with it, and I still wonder about the scooter riding, and what ever happened with that. I suppose you will find out soon enough.

It is always good to connect with friends, even if you haven't seen them for a while. I find I wonder what happened to your friends marriage - probably a result of being on MB so long. I think I can understand your feelings in sending a card to T, How would you ever explain to him all the emotions you have inside? I think you did a good job with the words, I still wish for happiness for him, and I know you do, but I worry he will never find it now.

Not much has changed with S, he continues to be mostly good, and you know what that means. I think we can live with that for now. Mostly good is better than mostly bad. His best friend just left for a church mission in Mexico. S is kind of sad and misses him, but I think he will be fine in a few months.

I will keep praying for you to get the job you want, I keep thinking you will get something right away, but also hope it will be something you will enjoy and that it will be enough to meet your financial goals.

With the boys gone, I kind of worry that you will have more down days. Come and talk here if you do, we'll try and cheer you up. I could even think up a really bad joke if I have to. (As you know, most of mine are really bad.)

The twins started back in school last week, so summer seem over to them, even though the swimming pools are still open, and it is hot for another month. I think we will get in one more overnight trip somewhere before it cools off. Usually it is camping for us, to save money.

At least here where we live there are lots of places to go.

I wonder about a lot of things, hope all is well - as well as it can be in this imperfect world.

SS

Hi Ss
A quick message before I depart for my holiday.
I've had a brief text from T to say the boys are ok. As I understood it D would not be going scooter riding as he dowsn't have a driving licence for our country.
I have obviously missed the boys but have kept myself very busy. I have painted and had carpet laid in A's room ready for his return. I also had my mum to stay and we had visits to places of interest and to meet up with old friends I hadn't seen for a number of years.
Tomoow I set out for my next big adneture- a coah trip to Austria. It seems to be a bit daunting now its so close but I'm sure I'll be fine!!!
Will let you know about it on my return
Glad all is well with you and that S is doing ok generally:)
Jante

We'll wait to hear about the trip, and I expect it will be fun for you.

Prayers continue.

SS

Excited to hear all about it. I hope you had a wonderful time.

SS