You already know this, but I (since my brain is so limited, I tend to repeat myself over time)will say it anyway.


I have found that often I can't understand why God lets things happen the way they do. That is, I don't understand at the time. Often it has been years later before I understand.

There have been times I didn't get a job I thought would be really good for me, only to find out that another that I did get was far better.

We have moved when we didn't understand why, and I could tell you more stories, but what I am trying to say is to have faith, keep doing your best, and you will be OK.

I know you understand it, but I say it again to help strengthen your faith. At least I hope it helps.

You strengthen mine also, what a good example you are.

I understand that you want to help more, and give God more of your time and talents. I am sure that will fall into place as you pray, and think about things.

I know also you have a lot of energy, and need a place for it to be used. I'll pray for that too.

I should tell you that High_Road is a friend of mine, I ended up being about the only poster to him too, as I am to some others, and then emailing him for a long time, but his marriage has recovered, and I don't communicate with him much these days.

I think you are right about not worrying about talking to T. If he wanted to talk about things, he really should call. We do that with S, we try to help, and then if he doesn't respond we let it go. He is realizing that he is almost an adult, and he needs to do some things for himself. T should know this by now.

Glad you can really talk about your feelings to your mum. You need someone like that. I never did know how much you could confide in her, some posters won't say much to their parents out of embarrasment.


I still wonder about jinxing your threads so other posters don't come by much - Maybe I need a hair cut? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

SS

<small>[ October 11, 2004, 12:32 AM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi
Been quiet from my end because not a lot has been happening which I think is a good sign!
However I now have a job- part time at a local supermarket. I went to get a christmas temp. job but was offered permanent which I have accepted while planning to look for other work at the same time.
Saturday T came to visit the boys and I set off to visit a friend 150 miles away. Got 2 miles down the dual cariageway when my bonnet blew up and smashed the windscreen and dented bonnet and roof of the car. Praise God it happneed then- no other car was involved , I stopped safely, rang T who came and helped get me sorted and able to drive the car home and now I await the insurence co. giving the go ahead for repairs! T was very helpful and kind through it all. I eventually left by train to visit my friend.
T had agreed to the boys staying with me for christmas day and I'm to take them to meet him somewhere near to S's parents as they've now decided to stay with them over christmas. I'll then collect the boys from T's parents on the monday.
I had planned to have a long talk with my pastor last week but he had to cancel so the talk is now scheduled for next week as I wantt o discuss with him the things I believe God has been laying on my heart about my future work/ministry. The delay has allowed me time to know that what I'm feeling is more than just an emotional response to a set situation but is really what I believe Gos is saying to me.

SS hope all is well with you and your family.
Jante

Hi Jante,
It sounds like things are pretty exciting. I trust you were not hurt?

So sorry about the accident. Interesting who came to help you. Glad you asked him.

I hope you enjoy the job as long as it lasts. I still think you ought to be in a job where you help others, I think you would be good at it.

Interresting you posted today. Prayed for you and the boys this morning, each one of you. May the blessings of the Lord be with you. I have often said that God doesn't take away our trials (accidents) but he seems to get us through them in one peice, and that is a great help.

Please tell us how the conversation goes next week. I enjoy hearing about your spritial growth.

Hope everone is well. We are getting rain - abnormal for us. Much needed though, and we are thankful. Last fall you wrote about walking in dry leaves, abnormal for you. How is this fall?

SS

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 11:16 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

hi

SS I am fine after the car accident but the insurence company have decided the car isn't worth repairing so I'm waiting for a cheque from them in settlement and having to start looking for a new car!
Started my job training this week and it went fine. As I 've done the job before it was really a refresher for me. Start propely next week.
Had my chat with my minister. I have felt for most of my life that God wanted me to serve Him in fulltime ministry in some way. As a teen/ early 20's I looked to go out to the mission field but was told to wait until I had 2 years teaching experience. I didn't get a teaching job straight away and then met and married T. We always thought we would serve God together and so I saw my ministry as being a support to T.
Over the last year I have felt an increasing call to enter fulltime ministry and it was this I spoke to my minister about this week. He fully supports me and has contacted a vocational advisor for me to pursue this further. It will be some time before anything is certain but I'm very much at peace at having made the first move. The few people I have mentioned it to- mum, sister and very old friend have all said they aren't surprised as they know its been on my heart for years and have seen nhow God has worked in my life.
So now I put in practice all that patience Gos has taught me over hte last 4 years.

Jante

Just spent the evening out with my parents to celebrate their 52nd wedding anniversery

I have more to say (dont' I always?) but W is calling me. I'll get back to you.

Enjoyed reading your update -

SS

Hi J,
I don't think you will ever have a boreing life. You have me wondering what will happen next. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I had better pray for you to know what God wants for you to do - the best way to serve him.

So, you know your Christmas plans, you have a short term job to take care of immeadate needs, and you are looking in to full time service to God.

What are the biggest concerns for the boys right now?

No word on the dating front, I do pray often that you may know what to do there, that God will let you know WHO and WHEN. Still thinking about what you said about T - I know it would always be best if God would change his heart, and bring him back. It wouldn't be easy for you if that happened, but I know you are unselfish, and will always do what is best. I believe you will do whatever God wants - if he will just make it known to you.

Sometimes I see people write (here on MB) "Why me........why does this have to happen to me?"

Sometimes I wonder the same things in reverse. Why am I so blessed? How is it that my marriage is successful while all around there is so much pain.

I don't have the answers, don't even pretend to know them. I do know that all of it can be TURNED to good if we continue faithful. I still think of you as being very brave. You also seem to have great faith. It's good to know you have blessings as well as troubles - I have to think your blessings will continue too.

Most of your time is taken up with every day things. Just taking care of a home is a full time job, an you also have the boys, and a job outside the home. I admire what you have done, and are able to do.

It sounds like even with all that, you still think a great deal about what God wants for you, and you work twords doing that. I can't imagine the energy it takes to do what you do. It seems to exhaust me to do the little I am able to do.

Please keep up your good example. I think I have said this before, but it still applies. It's hard to always find the right words, I really can't explain the admiration I have - but I hope you feel it.

SS

Hi SS
My life boring! No you are right I don't think it ever will be!!
This w/e T has been up to see the boys- my car had been written off so he agreed to come with me to look for a new one- and we bought one! I had offered to let T stay at the house even though I was here as well but he chose to go to a B&B for the night. However we did have 2 dinners together as a family- I cooked one and T the other with my doing the yorkshire puds. Its was one of those occasions when I looked and wondered why? Not why me but why when we can still work so well together as a team would he make the decisions he did and still live them- I wonder as well what is so special about S that he gave up on me? however it doesn't get me down any more and I am at peace in God.
Tonights message at church was based on the 7th commandment and Matt 5 v 27-30. Thou shalt not commit adultery. It was not an easy message but I was able to sit through it whereas 2 yrs ago I would have had to leave part way through in tears at the memories it aroused.
What are the biggest concerns for the boys right now?
I have prayed a lot this last week that I would be a better mum to my boys. I felt that through tv and internet use we were drawing apart and I knew I was partly to blame. However this week I have found opportunities to spend more time with each boy on their own and its been good. My other concerns are
for D - that he will do well with his GCSE's ( major exams in June) and that he will have a clear vision for where to go next in his schooling, and that he will once again look to God.
for A that he will continue to do well in school and that he will move towards going back to church with me
for C that he will enjoy his last year at primary school and learn to love Jesus.
Had a phone call from T's parents this evening- they want to come up to see me ahead of christmas so we organised a date. then because she thought the boys were going to be at T's and she realised that if that was the case I would be on my own she wanted to invite me to spend christmas with them! It was lovely of her to ask, and though I was able to reassure her I was going to have the children at home I thanked her for asking me. I was touched that they cared so much in the circumstances.
As for dating I became very convicted a month ago to come off all dating sites and to leave it in God's hands. If I go the likely route to full time ministry I won't have time for anything other than the boys and study for next 2 years and so I have told God that I am willing to leave the whole issue in His hands. I am no longer seeking a new partner but neither am I saying No to one.
Well time to go chase A off to bed.
Thanks for your continnued support and encouragement. It is a great help to me
Jante

<small>[ November 08, 2004, 03:41 PM: Message edited by: jante ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I came to this thread, and it's been sitting here open for an hour waiting for me to post, but I still don't have time.

So, I refresh the page, and low and behold, you've been here, and left already.

You are too fast for me, but I'll get to it eventually, if not sooner.

SS

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 05:57 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi Jante,
I hope you are just doing wonderful as you read this. I hope the boys got up early, did the dishes before they went to school, and that you have a good day at work (if you work today.)



This w/e T has been up to see the boys- my car had been written off so he agreed to come with me to look for a new one- and we bought one! I had offered to let T stay at the house even though I was here as well but he chose to go to a B&B for the night. However we did have 2 dinners together as a family- I cooked one and T the other with my doing the yorkshire puds.

Been a long time since I had yorkshire P. I should have come by and invited my self to eat with you. I could have had a little fun with T too. I wonder what he'd think.


Its was one of those occasions when I looked and wondered why? Not why me but why when we can still work so well together as a team would he make the decisions he did and still live them-

I have wondered about that for a long, long time. After I got to know you, I couldn't understand how he could leave, but not on ly that, why he would want to.

I wonder as well what is so special about S that he gave up on me? however it doesn't get me down any more and I am at peace in God.

I don't think it's that she is so special. I think it's a defect in T that needs to be fixed. After all, how many is S since he left his family? Not the first, remember that. If it was you, he could have made it work by now, you know it's T. I am afraid for S too, he doesn't have a very good record the last few years. Not just with relationshops either, and you know the other problems.

Tonights message at church was based on the 7th commandment and Matt 5 v 27-30. Thou shalt not commit adultery. It was not an easy message but I was able to sit through it whereas 2 yrs ago I would have had to leave part way through in tears at the memories it aroused.

I think about everyone on MB when I hear those sermons. I am not sure why it bothers me so much, and causes me so much pain. I am sure it is nothing compared to what you endured. It seems hard to know that so many endure so much. I wish it would end. I look to the day when it will.


I have prayed a lot this last week that I would be a better mum to my boys. I felt that through tv and internet use we were drawing apart and I knew I was partly to blame. However this week I have found opportunities to spend more time with each boy on their own and its been good.


We have tried to watch those things in our home too. There is little interaction between us when the TV is on. We have tried to play more games, dominoes, and other board games. Read together (isn't that old fashioned!) and talk more. At supper time we try to discuss the week ahead and what every one is going to be doing. Doesn't always work but it seems to help. I know it's hard, I know that they come up with a challange almost every day, but God seems to help too.


My other concerns are
for D - that he will do well with his GCSE's ( major exams in June) and that he will have a clear vision for where to go next in his schooling, and that he will once again look to God. for A that he will continue to do well in school and that he will move towards going back to church with me for C that he will enjoy his last year at primary school and learn to love Jesus.
I have been praying for all three of your boys for that same thing - that they will become closer to God, and support you by going to church with you. I keep hoping that blessing will come sooner, rather than later. I see your sons TAKING you to church, not going reluctly. We'll keep praying, and you will too. I know sometimes it takes a while.

Had a phone call from T's parents this evening- they want to come up to see me ahead of christmas so we organised a date. then because she thought the boys were going to be at T's and she realised that if that was the case I would be on my own she wanted to invite me to spend christmas with them! It was lovely of her to ask, and though I was able to reassure her I was going to have the children at home I thanked her for asking me. I was touched that they cared so much in the circumstances.

That's one of the other things that puzzles me. With parents like that, what in the world happened to T? I can see why they would care about you, and your feelings. How could they have a better mother to their Grandsons, and why wouldn't they want to stay close to someone like you? It makes perfect sense to me. My dad once told me that if W and I ever split up, they would keep her, and get rid of me! I would think you are of the same high quality as my W.


As for dating I became very convicted a month ago to come off all dating sites and to leave it in God's hands. If I go the likely route to full time ministry I won't have time for anything other than the boys and study for next 2 years and so I have told God that I am willing to leave the whole issue in His hands. I am no longer seeking a new partner but neither am I saying No to one.

I am sure God is preparing you for something. He won't waste your talents, or your energy. You make me tired sometimes just reading all that you do! I think I would have a hard time keeping up.

Well time to go chase A off to bed.
Thanks for your continnued support and encouragement. It is a great help to me

It is easy to speak well of someone that has your talent, ability, and integrety. I only report what I see. If it wasn't there, I couldn't talk about it.

The more I think about it - I should have come by for yorkshire pudding.

SS

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 10:03 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Wow SS a month since I posted!!
I have a new car, the insurence company paid me as much for my old car as I had paid in february for it- isn't God good!!
I'm busy making preparations for Christmas. It seems to be creeping up so quickly.
Yesterday I saw a Vocational Advisor from Church and sat and talked about my sense of calling from God to go into fulltime ministry. Normally the expectation is for the VA to meet with a person at least twice with a gap between for the person to read, think and pray about their calling and answer some questions. After an hours visit, the VA told me he would be writing to me to say that he was sure I had a calling from God and that I should proceed at my own speed to the next stage. His only concern was that I should go at a speed the boys could handle. Up to that point I hadn't mentioned it to the boys.
Last evening A came to me and asked me about my future plans career wise. (He always has been the more sensitive of my boys) I decided to tell him what I was thinking of doing - and also D as I didn't want him to feel he had been kept in the dark. both boys seem happy at the prospect as long as it doesn't mean they have to go to church!! I told them that while I would like them to go with me they had to make their own choice and I wouldn't force it.
I haven't told C yet- I will when it seems appropriate and I haven't mentioned it to T. I did mention it to his parents when I saw them and they were very encouraging.
Time yet again to chase A to bed!!
Bye for now and if I don't get back to post before- have a great family christmas.
Jante

Hi J !!!
I actually came to find your thread to post a Merry Christmas, and lo and behold, you already posted one to me.

Wow SS a month since I posted!!

You are doing really well emotionally, at least it seems that way to me.

I have a new car, the insurence company paid me as much for my old car as I had paid in february for it- isn't God good!!

Yes, I drive the same old one, but it seems to last well. That is a blessing too.
Did you go for a Bently or an Rolls this time?
Or something similar to the last one?
I don't see you saying that T helped - but I would like to know if you consulted him. I still look for hints to tell me what goes on inside your head.

I'm busy making preparations for Christmas. It seems to be creeping up so quickly.
Do you still do the fruit cakes?

Creeping up quickly -
That's a big understatement.
When I was in 1st grade (6 years old) from December 1 to dec 24th lasted about 27 years, but now it is about 27 minutes. Where does the time all go?

In fact, everything seems to be that way. I remember as a small boy that if I had to wait 5 minutes for something, I could cram about 2 days of playing into the wait. Now, if I have to wait 5 minutes, I just blink my eyes, and the time is gone.

Yesterday I saw a Vocational Advisor from Church and sat and talked about my sense of calling from God to go into fulltime ministry. Normally the expectation is for the VA to meet with a person at least twice with a gap between for the person to read, think and pray about their calling and answer some questions. After an hours visit, the VA told me he would be writing to me to say that he was sure I had a calling from God and that I should proceed at my own speed to the next stage.

So, what kinds of things will be open for you? Thi s is interresting to me, I am excited for you.

I was thinking as I read your post how far you have come since the night you broke the glasses on the patio. I hope you don't mind me remembering some things - it is more a marker that shows progress than a fault to remember. At least, that's how I see it.

Some people on MB seem to struggle with the same things over and over, but I see you talk about something, make up your mind what needs to be changed, and then do it. You can't get any better at it that that, unless you make wrong choices, and I think yours are very well thought out, and correct.

His only concern was that I should go at a speed the boys could handle. Up to that point I hadn't mentioned it to the boys.


Last evening A came to me and asked me about my future plans career wise.

Part of my wondering entails how it would affect your life at home. I am not supprised that A asked.

(He always has been the more sensitive of my boys) I decided to tell him what I was thinking of doing - and also D as I didn't want him to feel he had been kept in the dark. both boys seem happy at the prospect as long as it doesn't mean they have to go to church!! I told them that while I would like them to go with me they had to make their own choice and I wouldn't force it.

A is a special child. Often I feel I am prompted to pray for him, that he can be a help and a strength to you, in a way that D will accept. If you remember, Joseph, son of Jacob (the one later renamed Israel) had a dream that he would be a leader to all his older brothers, and they sold him into Egypt for it. So, I pray that he can help you when help is needed without causeing trouble with D. I had a dream once about you and A, I think I told it to you. I believed after that dream that he would be a strength to you all your life. I think he will.

I wonder if I say too much sometimes. I don't mean to say I am any better at talking to God than anyone else. I do know from the feelings that come to me that God knows you, and cares about what happens to you. I do believe he will continue to care for you. I am sure of it.


I haven't told C yet- I will when it seems appropriate and I haven't mentioned it to T. I did mention it to his parents when I saw them and they were very encouraging.

C will just want to hear from you that things will be OK. I think that will be enough for him.

Time yet again to chase A to bed!!
I thought we were the only ones that had to do that with our kids. You mean you have to do that too?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Bye for now and if I don't get back to post before- have a great family christmas.

I am not sure if I ought to come by and post more often or not. Once you said something about wanting to leave the board, and I didn't want you to feel like you had to post to me more often, so I leave your thread alone unless you come by. Just wanted you to know you are missed. I don't post as often as I once did, and so don't check the boards as regular either. Don't be afraid to bump the post if I miss it. I would never miss posting to you on purpose.

Wishing you happiness most days, and strength the rest of them.

SS

Hi SS
Well Christmas is over and we had a lovely time. The boys stayed at home for christmas day with me.After opening presents D went back to bed- he'd been at work the previous 3 evenings until 11.30pm so I was happy to let him. A and C went with me to church which made my day!.
We then came home, had a lovely meal together and played games in the afternoon. After tea the younger 2 went to play with their new toys/comp games and I watched a couple of TV programmes after delivering D to work.
Boxing day saw me driving 70 miles to take the boys to meet their dad then I went to my sisters until yesterday.After lunch I went to T's parents to collect the boys and see In laws and sil and bil for an hour. T was still there when I arrived with S so i've now met her. I think she found it more dificult than I did.She is very different from me to look at, didn't get chance to actually talk to her, but it went ok. I was surprised how nervous I was when I first arrived but was fine after the first hello's. T's parents were lovely, and rang me this morning to make sure I was ok!
Now its clear up time before back to work on Thursday.

I hope all went wel with you and your family.
happy new Year
jante

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi J,
It is so nice to hear from you.
You seem to be doing well emotionally. That makes me very happy.

Well Christmas is over and we had a lovely time. The boys stayed at home for christmas day with me. After opening presents D went back to bed- he'd been at work the previous 3 evenings until 11.30pm so I was happy to let him.

What does D do for work? I hope is doesn't conflict with his school work much, but then, you would keep good track of that.

A and C went with me to church which made my day!.

Now, if we could just get D to go too. I still spend a large part of the time I spend praying for your family in this part of it. I pray that the boys will not just do what you ask, but that they will become converted themselves, and go because they know it's right.

We then came home, had a lovely meal together and played games in the afternoon. After tea the younger 2 went to play with their new toys/comp games and I watched a couple of TV programmes after delivering D to work.

I hope the new car is trouble free. I still wonder what you have for meals, I know you are a really good cook. One of these days, W and I will supprise you and come to visit. Maybe it just gives me something to talk about, but then, I am probably a typical guy, and good food always interrests me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

At any rate, it sounds like you got to relax, and that it was pretty much a stress free day.

How is the football this year? Are any of the boys playing?

Boxing day saw me driving 70 miles to take the boys to meet their dad then I went to my sisters until yesterday. After lunch I went to T's parents to collect the boys and see In laws and sil and bil for an hour. T was still there when I arrived with S so i've now met her. I think she found it more dificult than I did. She is very different from me to look at, didn't get chance to actually talk to her, but it went ok.

At least you had some time off work. I was going to take some, but another key employee has been sick, and I get to work until he is well. I may get tomorrow off, we'll see. I hope your sisters and their families are well.
I find I still wonder about a lot of things. When you say she is diffefrent to look at, I wonder what you think, and if you compare yourself to her. I know all of us do that at times, but it seems to be a somewhat futile exercise. We are who we are, and we can't change most of what makes us our own person.

After thinking some more, I believe you are comfortable with who you are. Most of the time, and for most things.


I was surprised how nervous I was when I first arrived but was fine after the first hello's. T's parents were lovely, and rang me this morning to make sure I was ok!
Now its clear up time before back to work on Thursday.

Have you taken all your decorations down aleady? I usually try to celebrate all week, and not take ours down until after new years.

I am glad FIL, and MIL are so thoughtful. It always makes me wonder.................but I ought not to go there.

I hope all went wel with you and your family.
happy new Year


We have had a good December, with lots of time with our children, both married, and those still at home. I find I like playing with Grandchildren. They seem to like playing with me too. Now, if I could just figure out how to quit work, and still pay for everything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


My hopes for this year include happiness for my friends, success in business (keeping up on the bills) and having a happy family.

I continue to have good feelings about your emotional and spiritial progress, however, the world being what it is, I also continue to be concerned, and to pray regularly for all of you.

May God bless you always.

SS

<small>[ December 30, 2004, 02:57 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Happy New Year SS and family

Yes I had a stress free and relaxing holiday. The clear up was cleaning the house not taking down decorations. They'll come down next week!
D is working in a local hotel as a pot washer. the hours have been fairly long over christmas but I will put my foot down once he's back at school if they continue to want him such long hours. However as both his dad and I had suggested he find a job its a fine line to be walked.
I wasn't upset by my comparision between S and I in looks. I think that despite my being 5 yrs older- I probably look younger- I'm certainly a smaller build which made me smile as at one time before T left he told me he wanted me to lose weight!!! I am very happy in myself and my looks these days.
I continue to pray for all three boys- they have all a different times expressed a faith in Christ but now need to learn to live it out in their lives. I had lovely news this last week. A girl who I shared the gospel with while I lioved in scotland- and who I met with for bible study and prayer for over a year, is getting married in Feb. She went though a lot of heartache over a non christian boyfriend when she first became a christian but is now marrying a christian so I'm thrilled. I can't make it to the wedding as its 300 miles away and is on a friday when I work but I shall be sending her my prayers.
Its just a small confirmation in what God is calling me to!
Jante

Good morning J !

It's nice to get good news.
I don't have much time now, but will come back later and talk some more. You are quite something.......you know that don't you?

SS

Thankyou SS
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Its nice to be told it sometimes
2005 - I can't believe how time has flown. It will soon be three years that I have posted to this board. Its nearly 4 since T left me. I upset my sister over the time I stayed with her by admitting I would still have him back if he was to come back. She says she wouldn't be able to talk to him if he did come back.
Still in my heart of hearts there is love for him, and forgiveness and a desire to be reconciled even after all this time. However alongside that these days is a peace that all is in Gods hands and I can just get on with the life He is leading me to. I was asked a while back how the trials of the past 4 years had changed my faith in God. At fiorst I answered it hadn't- just showed me that my faith was real as I had held on to it through all the pain. But on reflection I can see great changes - my faith in God is still as deep- but my trust in Him is deeper and stronger, and my patience and willingness to let things happen in His time.
I still post here as much as anything as a means of journaling my thoughts as things strike me.
SS you have been a God given suppoort and encouragement over these years and I thank you and your wife for that and for your prayers.I trust that 2005 wqill bring all you hope for to you and yours.
jante <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Another work day getting close to the end. I just finished a deadline, and I have a few minutes before I go home.

It is so nice to hear about you touching the heart of this girl who is about to be married. I think more and more, that we are here (on earth) for this reason - to see how many people we can help.


2005 - I can't believe how time has flown. It will soon be three years that I have posted to this board. Its nearly 4 since T left me.

Nearly three years you have had to deal with my very dry humor. Do I get points for trying?

It has been fun for me, you are quite a person, and you need to know it. It does seem that time goes faster, and faster. I keep wanting to stop the train, and get off, but I can't get the conductor to stop. Sometimes I wish I had a sleeping berth.

I upset my sister over the time I stayed with her by admitting I would still have him back if he was to come back. She says she wouldn't be able to talk to him if he did come back.

If he came back, he would be changed, and she would find a way to talk to him. Every one should get the chance to change, and repent. I know I need it, though perhaps I have not been where T has been. I seem to make my share of mistakes.

Still in my heart of hearts there is love for him, and forgiveness and a desire to be reconciled even after all this time. However alongside that these days is a peace that all is in Gods hands and I can just get on with the life He is leading me to.

See, my faith in you is valid, isn't it. How much a part of your sister's life is God, and his plan?

I don't know a J, I have not had the betrayal that you have been through, I wonder if I could do as well as you are doing. Makes me think.

I was asked a while back how the trials of the past 4 years had changed my faith in God. At first I answered it hadn't- just showed me that my faith was real as I had held on to it through all the pain. But on reflection I can see great changes - my faith in God is still as deep- but my trust in Him is deeper and stronger, and my patience and willingness to let things happen in His time.

I have seen much growth - You have always been willing to look inside as well as outside for improvement. It takes a very honest person to do that. God will always call, but not everyone will listen. I often get the feeling that he is just starting some of your best experiances. Life can be really good, even with all the trials. I am learning that too.

I still post here as much as anything as a means of journaling my thoughts as things strike me.
SS you have been a God given suppoort and encouragement over these years and I thank you and your wife for that and for your prayers. I trust that 2005 wqill bring all you hope for to you and yours.

Thanks for giving us a glimpse of your life. As I said, it has been fun. I have learned a great deal, about others, and about myself. Thank you for being one of my teachers.

Lets see what this new year brings, we plan for the worst, but hope for the best, and usually find it somewhere in the middle.

S says it's time to go, he has to make a stop or two on the way home before some businesses close.

How is this job doing for you? Is it better than the teaching was?

SS


jante <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> [/QB][/QUOTE]

Hi SS
Have been quiet at this end as life has been quiet. My planned meeting with my rector was postponed due to his wife's ill health but I finally met with him this afternoon. He has discussed with me what the Director of Ordinands will want to know about me and then told me to go ahead and make contact to progress the application. It was lovely to hear him say he thought I would do any church I was sent to good and help the Kingdom of God to grow. There are times when I feel terrified of what is ahead of me as who am I to think I can be fulltime minister for God, yet I have peace knowing God has called me. I can only do what he sets before me to do and call on Him for strength and wisdom.

I will continue to work at the supermarket until I go to study, its a stress free job but its amazing how many opportunities come to listen to people and their problems and occasionally help them with a word or a silent prayer. The boys are all doing fairly well the odd missed homework means contact with school but otherwise life is very peasceful.
Must leave now as its a prayer meeting at church tonight.
jante