For those of you who have read my other thread, you know I am working up the courage to confront my friend about my concern that she is having an affair.

My husband would like to know if anyone here has either confronted someone or being the WS, been confronted by someone while in the middle of the affair. If so, what was the outcome? We may be overanalyzing this, but since I'm in the hot seat, I'm trying to get as much information as possible before I talk to her.

Michele

Michele,

I am a BS and received support during H's A from a co-worker who later became the OM. He and I were able to discuss his 'new role' as the OM and how damaging it was to that other family. It was an adult discussion and he is no longer the OM. I am not sure how much our talk had to do with it but we are still in contact even after he moved to another state. The WS had a couple of kids and I believe is still married.

On the other hand, H's younger sister is in the middle of an A and has her head up the wrong end. Very arrogant and haughty, finding fault with everyone but herself. She is not ready to listen to any sage advice and her H is just besides himself with grief.

So there are 2 different reactions. Either way, you take a chance. The viewpoint I would take is regardless of the outcome which path would you have least regrets doing?

I would chose a frank discussion. When is key. I would recoomend bringing the subject up as a 3rd party looking for advice on how to bring the subject up. Ws' are an opininated bunch and c/b quite harsh on other WS' situations. Use that approach and see where it takes you.

JMHO,
L.

i had friends talk to me about my A. This was a different scenerio though because I first confided in them about the A, they did not discover it for themselves.

as one might expect, some friends didn't think there was a problem and even encouraged the A, others counsoled me to stop the behaviour (including seeking God). I appreciated those that tried to help me stop, they are my true friends. I knew it then, I know it now. I should add, none of them put me down or judged me harshly (maybe they should of!) even with the ones that had very strong opinions that what i was doing was very wrong.

I wish i could say they were more successful, I still had to come to the decision on my own. I always felt these friends just had my best interest at heart.

i responded on your other thread and i continue to think you should confront your friend in a loving way.

good luck

My H's best friend and boss at the time confronted him about his A. He didn't approve of it in any way at all.

My H lost his best friend because of it as well. He couldn't take someone he thought was his friend not agreeing with what he was doing. He thought that as his best friend he should be more worried about what he wanted rather than what he was doing to others.

He not only lost his best friend but lost the respect of everyone that he works with and ended up only hanging around with people that thought what he was doing was "OK".

He never has become friends again with this man....though he is no longer my H's boss, but they do still work in the same place. Too bad about that.....we used to do something with them every other weekend with and without all of our children. We always had a good time.

Sometimes the price of an A is so high and you can never get a refund on any of it.

miss priss, how come the relationship between your H and this man did not recover? who was it that did not want to continue the friendship, the man or your H? i was surprised to hear that after the A ended and the marriage recovered that the friendship could be mended as well.

I guess i am assuming your H tried to reconcile with this friend. does your H now understand that this man was actually being a better friend to him by NOT supporting the A?

I cannot say that my H tried to revive the friendship that he had with this man.

I can say that it wouldn't have helped. He felt that he had been betrayed also in that my H dismissed him because he didn't approve of what my H was doing.

His W and I became very close. She was very supportive of me through my H's A. Her H was actually my eyes and ears at the workplace....my H was OW's boss. She finally got to a point where she couldn't even stand to say my H's name. I knew how she felt....and didn't blame her.

They still work in the same place, though they don't talk to each other unless they have to....this other mans choice.