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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cymanca:
<strong> Orchid,

The timeline is this . Certified letter to cruise line 6-28-04. Answer from their lawyer with warning to me 7-8-04. Wife's message 7-9-04. The only way they could have found out about the D action is the my WW told them and lied about what happened on the ship. Or they could have looked on the cruise line email system which has a record of my WW and the OM correspondence. The OM is obviously not sophistacted enough to know that even though you erase your messages, a web based server and especiallly most company servers keep messages on file.

I will ask my attorney if I can name the cruise line in this type of forum.

BTW I did extensive research on cruise ship fraternization policies and ALL MAJOR LINES have a policy of IMMEDIATE dismissal of employees breaking those rules. This especially hold true for crew members permitting passengers in their cabins </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So your W waited over 24 hours to get back to you AFTER talking with the cruise line's lawyers? Still smells fishy.

Also, save the current e-mail she sent you. Sounds like she is now treading uncharted waters and the WS is stalling for time to come up with a new WS plan. Note: not good plan for the M a WS plan.

Be careful. You need to stay focused and give the info to your lawyer while she is in this unsteady state.

I am sorry you are going through this. Now time and action is critical. Keep your records in a safe place. Make sure she does not have any access to your info or keep a separate set for the lawyers to use.

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cymanca:
<strong> This is the context of an email that WW sent to me tonight. She had promised me the NC letter today and coming over for lunch.

Iknow I said I would spend some time with you this weekend but I just can't bring myself to do it!! I still am not sure if getting back together is the right decision for me. A big part of me still loves you CYMANCA but at this point I don't know if I wouldn't do what I did again. That thought really frightens me to death because I cannot stand to see you this miserable again. You're a decent person CYMANCA you don't deserve to be treated like sh$t and I don't want to be the cause of your unhappiness!! I hope you understand and I'm sorry. I do want us to continue to be on civil terms. I cannot give any more than that at this time. Again I'm sorry!!


Comments, sugggestions, cyanide??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cymanca, sounds like she just handed you a big gift, although it may not seem that way now. Its much better to find out beforehand where her heart is, than later when shes living with you.

I can't imagine that you want to be reconciled with someone who "doesn't know if she will doi this again." She is all but promising that will do it again. In this frame of mind, it would be disasterous to take her back.

I would consider sending her a nice Plan B letter at this point. When they say they want to be "friends," often that means she wants to keep you on line so she can get an occasional cymanec "fix." Unfortunately, you can't ever be friends.

Melody,

Thanks for your insight. I have been dark until I got the emails I described. I had hoped it was just her guilt talking and trying to rationalize between two choices.1. the easy one is leave or 2. work as hard at something that you have never done before with no guarantee of success

Cymanca, I don't hear guilt there, but rather a lack of committment. I think she is still involved with the OM. I don't think she's ready to come back and that is what she is telling you.

And believe me, you don't want her back unless the affair is over and she is ready to commit to the marriage. That is the biggest mistake that BS' make and it is a living nightmare to take a WS back too soon.

You say you are in Plan B. Did you send a Plan B letter? Did you put conditions for return in it?

Because I am thinking that the best thing to do would be to respond and tell her thanks for being honest, but her email makes it clear that she cannot meet your conditions for return and you wouldn't want her back under those conditions. Tell her that you love her very much but you believe certain conditions must be met in order to successfully reconcile.

Nor are you looking for a "friend," but a wife. Under the circumstances you think its best that you both move forward. But that if she can meet your conditions, ie: committing to the marriage and sending a NC letter to the OM, that you will certainly consider a reconcilation if you are still avaliable.

Did you send a Plan B letter? What did it say?

Melody,

My original thread is on Just Found Out under Devastated in California. I have been doing a pretty good Plan B for 12 weeks with a both an oral position and a letter. The only reason we were getting together now was because she told me I would have the NC letter in my hands. It didn't come but I got that email from her. In the almost 12 weeks since being dark I have seen her twice, because she came to my office. I have not communicated with her except through my attorney

Thanks for the explanation, Cymanca. It sounds like Plan B is working then! She wants to come back but is just testing to see if she can bend your boundaries a bit. I wouldn't bend, hold out for better! She is getting there, IMO!

Hi. Sounds like things are going well. I know it doesn't feel like it, but she is coming around. Stay strong as steel in your position.

You have 2 of the best - Melody, and Orchid, helping you. Listen to them.

This will be a long rough ride, but I think you can do it.

Thanks believer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 11, 2004, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Thanks to you all for your posts. I am just sooo sick of this rollercoaster, I just want it to stop and realize that due to circumstances ,I am just in one of very needy moods.

Bless you all for caring and I said a prayer at mass this am for all the poor souls on MB.

There will be a lot of ups and downs. Try not to dwell on them. I know, easier said than done.

You might want to get the counseling here from the Harley's or from Penny on saveyourmarriagecentral. It is VERY expensive, but often they cut to the chase, and don't drag it out like traditional counselors.

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10Girl,

I need your common sense