Well, after two days of recovery, WH says that he doesn't know if he wants to come back. Background: Dday was 6 months ago and WH moved into his own apartment to have some space (actually ended up continuing A). I plan A'd for 51/2 months. When A didn't end (after several promises to end it), I went into Plan B. The first Plan B last 1 week, we communicated but recovery never happened. WH seemed totally tormented, but cont to say he was in love with OW.

So I plan B again. Within 3 days, he sends email that he has ended all contact with her and wants to work on marriage and give me 100%. So we (and kids) meet to go to a movie that was already planned. By the time I saw him that night, I could tell he was very withdrawn. Said he wanted to take it slow. Agreed to no contact, but that we would go slow for the next few weeks. I thought that sounded about right, since I figured he was in withdrawals. OW is out of town for the next few days, so I know there has been no contact.

Tonight, WH told me that he doesn't think he wants to come back. That it's been too long since he had any feelings for me. That he did try to work on it when we were married and after. I said "we are still married." He said, "I know. I mean after the break up" (break up! WTF). He said it has nothing to do with OW, only his feelings for me. There are none, he said.

I tried to explain softly that there are ways to re-gain love. That I knew of someone he could talk to (referring to SH). He said he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He seems so withdrawn from me. When he left I said that I hope you find it in your heart to fight for us. He said that he had been digging real deep, but not sure it is there. He said he wants to stay home tomorrow evening and just read book I gave him months ago ("the case against divorce", I gave it to him before I found MB).

Has anyone ever had this talk? I know people post about false recovery. But this talk seemed very serious. Didn't seem like babble to me. When the kids asked him tonight when he was coming back he said "I don't know." He has never said this before. It was always "soon."

Not feeling very hopeful.

What do you see as your options here? What is your goal?

Stay in a loving open Plan A?
Move to a loving and strong Plan B?
Petition for a divorce?
Do nothing and wait?

What appeals to you?
What do you think will fit your goals?
What are you able to do?


Try to focus on YOUR ability to carry out any goal ... try to make goals that are independant of his recovery from his insanity....

Try to come up with a solid plan .... something you can accomplish.

You can do this without automatically moving to divorce.

I think you need to decide what you want, how you want to go about getting what you want.... and contingency plans as well.

Pep

I think he is pretty normal. Mine also did a lot of waffling back and forth (still is). But I LB'd big time. You are doing much better. Hang in there.

Hugs to you hope...you need it.

I know this is tough for you now. I have had 3 false recovery. It was not easy. Hang in there.

WS will continue to say things that you really dont understand why...this is the red flag that they are still in the affair or the fog.

I know you are looking for hope. Believe me there is hope. Even if WS does not come home or leaves the marriage and you end up divorce...there is hope and life after that.

While doing plan B i thought i will never ever be happy again...but guess what...3 weeks ago it all click and i am happy again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

First I have to apologize for posting this thread twice. My computer wasn't working yesterday and I was getting anxious for replys.

Pepper: Totally not wanting divorce and can't do plan A anymore. Have everything in place for instant Plan B. In fact, to start things off I will be packing the kids and dog and spending the weekend at my sisters. Lots of relatives will be there, so should be fun. Then I will go into work, to cut down on my hours--to ease stress of dealing with kids and works. This will not sit well with WH, as he depends on my paycheck. Funny, I make more than him and he always says that I should be making more. He on the other hand is underpaid by 25% and knows this. Maybe he will step up.

I've already decided that I will join some sort of Hiking club so that I have something fun and new to do when kids spend weekend with WH.

Not sure how this will play out. OW will probably not put up with much more of WH since I've made it clear that kids are not to have any contact with her. WH said not likely OW will want to spend time with someone who is available everyother weekend. This is not so good, since he seems to want what he can't have--she knows this and will play this card

But, I will play it to. Actually, I'm very ready. Just before WH called to say he had ended contact, he was starting to feel very strong and calm in Plan b.

So back I go.

Believer: Talk about waffeling! My WH goes from I want us to work. I don't if we try it will better than anything we could imagine---to--I haven't had feelings for you for so long, it won't work.

Major problem as stated by WH in past: The decision to give up all he has now (he's in love, you know) for the "risk" of us working. He's not sure he could survive leaving again. He's completely tormented.

Oops! That didn't make sense: WH said he "knows we can have something better if we work at it" not "he don't"

Zizzy: Missed your post. I still have hope. I was very sad last night. But as soon as I thought about Plan B, as opposed to seeing his depressed tormented face on Saturday, I felt much better!!