I can't find my post. Posted it 15 minutes ago, so I'm re-posting.

So 2 day into recovery and WH says he thinks he doesn't want to come back. Background: d-day 6 months and WS moved into own apartment for his space (ended up continuing A). Plan 1 for 5 1/2 months and then Plan B when A continued (with several promises to come back). First Plan b lasted 1 week, but recovery never happened. So went back into Plan B. Last 3 days.

On third day, WH emailed that he had ended all contact with OW. He also sent letter to her house saying he needed to go back and "fix what he had broken in the marriage." He said he wanted to come back work on marriage and give me 100%. So I said to meet me and kids for a movie that was planned. By the time we met I could already tell that I was withdrawn.

He said he wanted to take things slow, that he would not contact OW, but needed time before moving back in. I thought that seemed right, since he seemed to be going through withdrawals.

Tonight he came over for dinner and said that he didn't think he could come back. Didn't think he wanted to. He was looking at whole picture and he didn't have feelings for me for a long time. I said that it would take some time, that it would be very difficult the first few weeks. He said it had nothing to do with OW. That it wasn't like he was "addicted to drugs." That he had tried to work on marriage when we were married and after. I said "we are still married." He said, "I mean after the break up" (the break up! WTF).

I explained that there is a path to re-gain love back. That I knew of someone he could talk to (referring to SH). He said he didn't want to talk to anyone just yet. I said I hope you can find it in your heart to fight for us. He said that he is digging real deep. He said that he is staying at his place tomorrow night (not coming over at all, he never stays here) to read. He will be over Sat. morning.

Has anyone had this talk? It didn't seem like babble to me. It seemed very serious. When the kids asked him tonight when he was coming back he said "I don't know." He has never said this to them, always said "soon."

He is on ADs, but seems very withdrawn from me.

Not feeling very hopeful after tonight.

FE_Hopeful,

r u sure there is no contact at all ?. This is my 2¢. If you could verify that there is no contact with OW then you could continue back to plan A otherwise YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO PLAN B and this time let 3rd party to verify what he has to say. Go to picth dark plan B !.

-rh-

Yep, same kind of talk just this week...I've posted my story and all have said that this is absolute fogbabble. He's either still in the A or he's in withdrawal. He is NOT thinking clearly! This talk is a way to ease the guilt and pain he has inflicted on you and your family. You need to Plan A your butt of and hang on tight. I've been told that this too shall pass...unfortunately, it will feel like a freaking kidney stone!

Thanks for replying. I went to bed for a couple of minutes because I was to anxious to wait for responses. Good thing I checked.

Redhat: I asked HW tonight if he had called OW or she had called him and he gave an emphatic "no." I said: It's going to be hard, but I'm proud of you. He muttered, "this is rediculous." So my guess is that he is in withdrawals.

WAID: I'm really leaning towards withdrawals. OW is out of town and she's smart enough to not call WH first. Would't be surprised if she started seeing someone else right away to make WH jealous. WS said that it was always him that went crawling back.

Interesting note: After d-day, I found a letter from WH to OW on computer. In it he said blah, blah, blah (she had ended it, but he wanted back in). The most interesting was that last line from my WH to her: "what's different about today? I always knew I had you. Now I am losing you."

So, do I stick around for WH to show up on Sat. morning? He wants to spent Friday night alone to think about things (so far this is what he considers working on marriage). I was thinking of packing up the kids and heading to my sister's house for the weekend and leaving a note on the door that says "We're gone. Hope you find your happiness."

He won't show up at her house unless he is really serious, since all my relatives are in town for the weekend and staying at her house.

I know things could change tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I should Plan A or Plan B. I don't think he will contact OW just yet (this is his other limited attempt at marriage building). I'm extremely tempted to go into Plan B before he talks to me on Saturday. He'll show up in am and we won't be here. I may even change my cell # tomorrow while he thinks about things.

As you can see, he doesn't like to feel the "pain." After 3 days in Plan b, he usually cracks and what he says would make anyone believe him. I e-mailed the entire conversation between us to my intermediary, sister, and close friend who is also going through marriage problems. Even they believed him! But after being with me and family for a day or two, it's back to "I am not in love with you and don't think it will work."

I was so desperately sad an hour ago. Now I'm starting to get mad. But it is still so sad. Not sure at times if he has the strength (he's not much of a "fighter" or has any strong loyalties to anything it seems).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FE_Hopeful:
<strong>Redhat: I asked HW tonight if he had called OW or she had called him and he gave an emphatic "no." I said: It's going to be hard, but I'm proud of you. He muttered, "this is rediculous." So my guess is that he is in withdrawals. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He had/has cheated you and lied to you, what make you believe what he say ?. I won't ... unless you could verify it ... go to plan B.

-rh-

I agree about Plan B. I'm going very dark. It helps that I have an IC appointment this morning, will work from home, and stay at my sister for a fun weekend.

I have a feeling that he will want to talk today or tomorrow. He doesn't like to go without me (or OW) for too much time without contact. When I leave, he wants me. When she's gone, he wants her.

How do explain to someone that they will experience withdrawals? He seems to take this as a sign that he has no feelings for me and never will.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When I leave, he wants me. When she's gone, he wants her.

How do explain to someone that they will experience withdrawals? He seems to take this as a sign that he has no feelings for me and never will. [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is typical. Just stay dark.

As far as a note, then leaving for the week-end. I wouldn't make the note seem so "final" (ie: "Have a nice life").

I think I would just say, "Don't want you to worry where we are, we've gone on a week-end trip. See you Tuesday....." something like that. LET HIM KNOW LIFE WILL GO ON WITH OR WITHOUT HIM!!!

He's in withdrawal and it HURTS!! You're doing good. Just keep yourself level. Don't get sucked into the drama. HE has to come to YOU and show real changes. Let him spend the week-end STEWING. Go have FUN!!!

God Bless,

Sorry for the two posts with same subject heading. My computer wasn't working last night and the first post didn't go in for about an hour. So I posted within 15 minutes with same info to get replys. Impatient Virgo, I am.


Thanks for the hope Lupolady. I really thought he meant it last night, but after further thought I do think it is fog. And now I think that he did have some sort of contact with her.

I don't know about making the note on the door so nice. Maybe I'll just say "We're gone" I'll think about it.

Talked to IC today. She said that it's good that I see this whole thing as part of his personality (ie, taking the easy way out, using me to manage the difficult stuff), rather than taking it as a personal affront againt me.