I called SH and sent him the letter. He called back shortly.

His advice is that the letter showed his guilt. I should wrtie him back a sweet short little not, just to the point. And also asked him whether he wants to join us for the family vacation. Then I should leave ASAP. I am working on my letter now and please help me when i post.

Dear WH,

Thank you for you communication about our marriage problem. I appreciated all the effort you had taken during last six months, such as talking to the counselor Steve Harley twice and attending the Marriage Builders seminar in San Francisco. Moreover, your willingness to do house chores and cooking for the children demonstrated that you did care about the family.

However, when a patient seeking cure from doctors, he needs to follow the doctors advice and take the medicine. After coming back from the MB seminar, we both need to commit and execute the step shown by the seminar which they guarantee a successful marriage as mention in your letter. I do believe we will be a happy family again if we put our time and effort to it and if you are home more often to interact with me. I am still hoping this day will come. We had our vows in front of GOD, I will stay committed to this marriage GOD blessed.

Also last night, we discuss for visiting my brother in Toronto for tomorrow. I would like you to come with us as a family, please let me know if you want to.

Love with my heart,

LNH

Please, any comment is welcome.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lostnhurt:
<strong> I called SH and sent him the letter. He called back shortly.

His advice is that the letter showed his guilt. I should wrtie him back a sweet short little not, just to the point. And also asked him whether he wants to join us for the family vacation. Then I should leave ASAP. I am working on my letter now and please help me when i post. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LnH,

You are under Steve's counsel. Follow his advice. Your letter sounds like he suggested. Don't make a commitment. If he wants a response to his letter, tell him something like you will let him know after the family returns from this trip. This will give you time to think about your response.

I still think he is using fog babble to make you look bad. Also it has the smell of an OWs wicked touch. Sniff the air LnH, there is probably the OWs stench around that letter.

Your being nonchalent will keep him off balance. If he and the OW are waiting for you to crash and burn, then fight it with the waters of truth. You can do this. That letter makes more sense if you wrote it than from him.

When the WS told me about hiring a PI and other stuff, I thanked him for the suggestion. Then asked if he had any other bright ideas. That ruffled their plans for a while. Those nuts thought they could spook me. Instead they got a taste of their own bitter medicine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As for the SF trip, yes he went to the class but he sure wasn't trying hard to apply himself. How did he treat his parents on that trip? I know he stood us up for dinner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I will be home for a while longer if you want to call. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am providing you an electronic copy
again for your convenience.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This sounds sort of like he's trying to establish some kind of paper trail, maybe get you to put things in writing that he can use to his advantage later on. Or is this how he communicates as a general rule? Your plan and letter sound reasonable. Your letter works as a response to his letter, in my opinion. Take care of yourself and have a safe journey.

That's great that you were able to get SH's insight and perspective! I think going to Toronto will be a great help. He'll have time to think with you away or if he is with you. He's facing the end of the fantasy.
Cherished

This sounds sort of like he's trying to establish some kind of paper trail, maybe get you to put things in writing that he can use to his advantage later on.

That is exactly what it is.

Right after I posted the letter, I called MIL to update them the situation. But she was not home, I talked to FIL. He sounded very like his son, diplomatic. But I told him anyway. WH walked in the house by the end of the conversation. I asked him about Toronto, he said he will go on Sunday. But I can't wait for one more day. I told his cousin about my plan to stay. She said it is a good idea too.

Wh told the kids he will get them kittens instead of dogs. So he took the kids to get the kittens, and he asked me whether i wanted to come, I said yes. There they went, two kittens in the house. Now he took the kids out to buy more stuff. He tried to show his is a good father by few acts like this and will disappear again.

Yikes, my dear. What a lot of changes! I still think you two will be back together. It is hard right now, but soon will be better.

You are currently not separated from your husband. You are simply taking your children on vacation. I dont see any way that this could be deemed illegal. If necessary make an appointment to see a lawyer simply to clear up this point before going on vacation. It make cost u a few bucks but will allay any fears that you ahve on this point.

Have a great vacation:)

He was home last night taking care of the kitten. But now he is gone again. He told us to pack and we will leave tomorrow morning. At this point, I don't care about him anymore. I feel very very sad that a man I love become someone like this. It broke my heart.

Well it looks like you will be going to Toronto. You need a break and a rest. That will be the best thing.

The letter thing is very strange. It does sound like he is trying to convince someone. Because he has to know that he was not speaking the truth.

You are doing just fine.

Yes, the letter is very strange. It is like written by professional. I doubt it he hire a lawyer or something. Someone must be coaching him to do this. I will let it go. I will send him my letter today or when I am in Toronto.

It's hard to say. Hope you will go and relax and have a good time.

The kitten thing is strange too. Why would he get a kitten when he knows that you and children are going to be gone? To look like a good father? To be sure the children want to come back home?

I don't know.

Thinking about these strange things gives me a headache. I am not going to dwell on it. I just want to get away and relax. I am very very tired.

You are right, it makes no sense, and trying to figure out things is probably a waste of time.

I always to that, as I am a very logical person, but in is hard to make sense out of nonsense.

LnH,

Is it safe to give him any letter before the trip? Wouldn't it be better to give him the letter or any response after the trip is over?

Have a safe trip!

L.

Believer and Orchid, thank you for talking to me. yesterday, I tried to call both of you, but no luck.

I feel tired now, physically, I didn't get up till 10am this morning. Everyone was up already. When I got up, Wh left. His action is like a hammer pounded on my head. Now I have to pack, clean my van, I don't know where to start.

LNH,

I have been keeping up with your thread but my brain has been too muddled to even try to post anything intelligent.

First, dogs have more personality, but kittens are easier to take care of than baby puppies. I've done both. And you can leave a cat over a weekend with food and water and not worry about them, where a dog either has to be with you, or you have to have someone stop over and let it out several times during the day.

Second, go to Toronto and enjoy time with your family. I agree with the statement that because you aren't separated, all you're doing is being a mother taking her kids on a vacation. I did it with mine--took them to Florida without a second thought. And we ARE separated. And it was good for us.

I know you are going through some really tough stuff right now and I don't have any more answers for you than I do for myself (and that would be zero) because I can't predict the future as hard as I may try.

We just have to keep reminding ourselves to trust that God has a purpose for all this and that blessings will come in the end.

LL

LL, thank you for keeping me in your mind even though in your own difficult time. I feel the same that I can not offer you too much. The only thing is that I amy be able yo help you to refi without cost. If you like e-mail me. It really depends on different situation.

Finally got to Toronto. WH came home 11pm last night. We came over about 2pm today. He acted like nothing between us. Brother treated him nicely b/c of me. Now he is out again with his friend. What kind of life style does he show here?

Well I thought about you today. I figured you were traveling. I think you will do fine in Toronto. You need to get away from WH for a little while, so you can rest up. Plus it will be good for your kids.

My WH gave me a note and said he wanted to resolve our differences. That was on Friday. He came over while I was at work. He said it was very important that he talk to me. Didn't call though, so I don't know what that was about.

We had a nice neighborhood party, and are going to go watch the fireworks, and then have a pinata.

I spent time today with my little 2 year old friend, and he now understands, and speaks to me in English. He speaks to his parents in Spanish. It is very exciting to see how easily they learn.