lostnhurt -

Hi. I am off work this week to get things done - hehe. I have the painting half done, but should have had it finished. But there was lots of preparation work, plus I'm spending too much time here.

Sis and I are planning to go to Europe around September. It depends on the airfares.

It sounds nice up there. Wish I could be there. I could eat Chinese food every day.

I got up at 5:00AM today to start painting, so I can be sure to get it done.

LNH,

Anniversaries during these times are really tough. Mine was in January, before WH officially moved out. He came home late, we fought the entire evening, and I believe he ended up leaving. No dinner, no anything. Just pain. But we get thru them. I'm sure your WH feels guilt over what he's doing and that made it hard to recognize the importance of the day.

Sounds like you're having a really nice time in Toronto and have some fun things planned. Like Believer, I'm also envious of your being able to eat Chinese food every day.

(Unlike Believer, I'm NOT getting things done at my house because I do NOT get up at 5am. Woke after 8am this morning because I forgot to set my alarm!)

You take care of yourself and your kids and enjoy the time with your family.

LL

Well, I tried very hard to enjoy myself here. I felt that I laready gain weight by eating so much good food here.

It is very different here. Tax rate is very high, and almost everything is taxed. Today I tried to mail a letter to US. I aksed about the postage, she said 80 cents. WHen I paid her 80 cents, she 86 cents. DIdn't you tell me it was 80 cents? SHe said it is the tax, don't you know? How long have you been to Canada? I said, few days.

Yesterday, I went to a discount super market. After paying for the items, I was looking for grocery bags and the cashier threw one over. I grab it and try to put my stuff in. I was wondering how I can stuff all of them in one bag, she said, excuse me? That is not yours. I said who's bag is it? It is the gentleman behind you, he paid for it. I siad how am I going to caryy all these. SHe pointed to a pile of boxes, and said use them. Now I am in another country,and feel like an alien(real one). So Wh is an alien to me.

the thing about it is that months ago you would have felt and handled the situation totally different. it probably doesn't even phase you now when things like this happen. just think of it as weird and kind of funny, and say "okay Lord that's interesting to say the least" and go about your business.

have a really good night and i'll talk to you later, prayers and hugs to you, RR

just wanted to thank you for the card you sent me, it has really helped me out a lot. i'm going to attempt to be relatively quiet today on the forums but know we are all still pulling for you and so is God. prayers to you.

RR, thank yu for yur prayers.

I called WH today and talked for 1 minute. I was following SH's advice for doing a distance Plan A. But there is really not much to talk. I asked him whehter he paid the mortgage yet. He said what mortgage? Obviously, he was not home and who knows where he was and whom he was with. It is a big relive for him when we are not there. I need to train myself more so that I can be independent. I don't need him.

We did the routin thing today, walking to the market to buy some food for dinner and prepare them. It is fun to have 4 kids. My brother had a manual lawn mower. It is the first time we saw it. SO S mowed the lawn with it today. It actually is not too bad. I am thinking to buy one home so I can do the excersice.

Lostnhurt,
I'm thinking of you! It sounds like you are doing well.
Cherished

lostnhurt - Sounds like you are doing okay. I finally got my painting done, and got the house back together. Tonight my boys and I are going to go to the beach and have a campfire. Hang in there, you can do this.

Cherished, I am thinking of you too. How is the program going with you?

Lostnhurt,
I think that we may have bottomed out two entire years after the A was exposed. He is showing signs of genuine remorse.

We could not get through the lesson on affection so Harley said we should go to conversation. Can you believe it? We have agreed to read a book together. We are trying to develop a friendship first.

I think you are doing just great by removing yourself. Your H may love this situation for a time but he won't have you to accuse of all sorts of bizarre things like wanting his insurance money, having a boyfriend, etc. He's been able to interpret anything you do as justification for continuing an A. With you out of the picture, he'll need to face himself.

If you look on the forum, there's a very interesting reply that Harley gives to Jenna. Depression is when there are problems that appear to be unsolvable, and you think you are to blame. Anger is when there are problems that appear to be unsolvable, and you think someone else is to blame. I have been very very angry. You seem to have held yourself together better than I. Despite that, my H does appear to be making a turn. Yours can, too, but it is his decision.

Like believer, I think he'll be back, too. His behavior is erratic at best -- leaving children at home at night. His justifications are bizarre. He needs to stew in his own juices for a time. If that letter was a demand from OW, she is going to be making life difficult for him, putting pressure on him to go through with a D when what he really wants is two women.

You have eliminated the possibility of his having two women by getting out of there. He will figure out that he needs to make a choice. He is free to make that choice. If he chooses OW, I predict he will live to regret it and someday he may come back groveling to you.

I admire you. I wish I could have handled myself one-tenth as well as you. I have a lot of shame for what I subjected myself, my family of origin, and friends to in a fractic effort to convince my husband just how terribly he treated me.

All to no avail. He's had to come to that conclusion himself, just like your H will have to. In the meantime, stay away -- and let OW show her ugly colors!

Do focus on enjoying yourself and those children, especially your D.

And keep us posted!
Cherished

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

Cherished, thank you for your reply. Your case does give me some hope. I really admire you for hanging for so long. I don't know how long I can hang in here.

Today, we went to cherry picking, and went to the Botanical Garden. But D was not happy, she whined and complained. My brother and Sil were wondering why she was so unhappy. But finally we went to nature walk she started picking up sniling and running. We had a great day. It was tiring but lot of fun. I didn't miss WH a bit. I felt sorry for him now. He can enjoy himself, but our family we stay together. Tomorrow I will take the kids(including my nephews) to the church. I found a church here through my sister. I will know more friends here. Please pray for me as I pray for all of you.

Lostnhurt,
I am so glad that you are able to take the time to enjoy your children and allow the family to heal. I think there is no therapy for that daughter of yours that is as effective as time with Mom. It brings tears to my eyes to type this. My children also suffered terribly, and now all I can do is be a comfort to them, enjoy them, love them, care for them...

Cherished

L&H

Keep your head up. I am still here and praying for you. This has been a long road for us. You know everything I have went through. We are in recovery now, it isn't easy at all. There are still days when I don't want to be here. I gave it to god, got some determination and decided I didn't need him anymore. That was when he decided to come home, just when I found out I like who I am without him. Please take care of you and the kids. Prayers.

HINY

Keep having fun with your children and family. That is the best thing for healing. Your WH can stew away in a lonely house. It will be very good for him.

Oh, friends, we really have fun here. HINY, I am so glad to here from you and your recovery.

Yesterday, we went to church, the message was the Spritual War, it was so good. Nephew and my kids liked it too. After that we went swimming. We ate Krsipy Kreme donuts after swimming, 2 dozens for 7 of us. WE had so much, we forgot to call WH. We didn't call him since Friday.

SO WH just called. He told me that he called my parents during the weekend and they were ok. Did he try to show he is good guy? Then he said he was waiting for me to coming back to cut his hair. Finally he said the mortgage bill will be due in 2 days, can I pay it on line.

We are going to have more fun here. We went swimming again today. I am going to take a walk to the market and have some exercise.

LNH,

Sounds to me like he is thinking about you and worked hard to come up with a good excuse to call you.

I'm SO glad you're enjoying your time away! You needed it!

LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lostnhurt:
<strong> .....WE had so much, we forgot to call WH. We didn't call him since Friday.

SO WH just called. He told me that he called my parents during the weekend and they were ok. Did he try to show he is good guy? Then he said he was waiting for me to coming back to cut his hair. Finally he said the mortgage bill will be due in 2 days, can I pay it on line.

We are going to have more fun here. We went swimming again today. I am going to take a walk to the market and have some exercise. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So U R meeting his needs!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Needs you to get his hair cut. Imagine that. Oh yea, and pay bills...... there is more you know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Enjoy your trip. High time this WS learn what real love is based on. It isn't pulling your pants down and walking aroud like a fool.

Funny thing, my H was training a new guy on his courier business and this man had to move out here since his XW moved out with his children. H said while the man did not tell all, he could see the pain which is similar to what he has read on MB. See Ws' are capable of learning. Of course they have to come out of the fog 1st. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

All the best,
L.

lostnhurt - It feels so good to see you enjoying your life. It is good for your kids too. Keep on having fun, and keep WH on the back burner. Seems like he is missing you.

Today, brother and I had a short talk. He asked me what is going on between me and WH. I told him that WH wants out. He said that if he wants out, then it maybe very final from the the point of view of man. Later, I went for a walk with SIL. She asked me the same question. I said that I had done my share, it is not up to me now. SHe told me that DD wrote a letter to her friend who is SIL's niece about parents maybe getting a DV. SIL said she felt sad about it. But she also told me to take care of myself and the kids.

I just feel sad now. I felt that I've been disguised too much these days. I tried to eat, and sleep, then gain weight. But I am sad again, especially when I read the old timer story about the second A after recovery.

I need to pray more tp get rid of this sad and hopeless feeling.

lostnhurt -

Don't listen to them. They do not know what is going on, since they have not been through this. I still have lots of hope for your marriage. You should have hope too.

It is a long struggle, but hang in there. How are your children? And why are you up so late???????