Sorry I'm such a psycho posting today. Things are moving too fast for my emotions to be able to keep up.

OM's W just told me - she's serving him tonight. He's about to take the sparrow to a lake for the weekend to meet his family. I figured they were probably heading up tonight. OM's W does not want a D, not a bit, but he is giving her trouble over money, keeping her from being able to pay bills (she's a SAHM), threatening to sell her car, and she feels she must protect her child and her unborn child and put legal weight on him to force him to support her.

Bracing myself. I could be next. True, true, I don't know that. But there are good reasons to expect it. Wonder how it will affect the happy couple's weekend retreat. Better? Worse? Yeah, who knows?

This is scary as hell. Not. Ready.

GC

It will make it worse. He will have emotions REGARDLESS of what he thinks he wants - and it will affect the weekend. Which is just fine - perfect actually.

I think it's time for Plan B, Gray. It's hard to say whether you'll be served soon or not - but let HIM be the one pressuring her. When he meets resistance or hesitation (as is always the case) it will start causing trouble between them.

Really - Plan B right now would be optimal.

One thing's for sure. I'm staying dark, dark, dark this weekend.

If I do stumble into the sparrow (unlikely but not impossible), I guess I'll just have to pretend that she didn't send me that horrible email the other day. No LBs. I'm strong and she likes me right now. I may not measure up to OM at the moment, but yes, it's very possible this might freak him out.

GC

Hey Grey... I've kinda been following your saga here the last week or so. Haven't had anything to add... so I kept my nose out of it. BUT.... I agree now is the time for plan B. JMHO... but I think one of two things will happen here. 1)it will freak out the OM and he will go biserk trying to figure out what to do. In which case your W will have second thoughts about him and look to you. or 2) he will embrace it and entice her to do the same to you... which will scare her and she will look to you. Either way, the way I see it, if you allow her back it will only be short lived and once she properly digests this she will go head first back into the fog. I think you need to protect yourself from the emotional toll this may have on you AND you need to protect her from any reaction you may have to what she may do. I know... a lot of assumptions being drawn... but I can see this happening with my "sparrow" too. Of course there is a third option here... he could embarce it, and so could she... thus filing on you. In which case I still think you need to portect both you and her from each other should she have you served.

In short, in case anyone is keeping score... I vote plan B. As the saying goes... just my 2 cents.

GC, I just read your post about SH saying no Plan B when there are no kids. Wild, I would never have guessed that. I would think that it's situational - but anyway.

You can still stay dark, and do Plan A when she initiates contact - and you can set boundries that protect you, without totally saying "I don't want to see you". So maybe this is one of those rare situations where a 'modified' Plan B is in order. Just enough distance to protect you from their mess - but not enough that you're easy to put off the radar screen.

And don't forget - the OM has kids. So that will be working for your favor on that side of things.

I sent you an email - so you can edit your other post now.

Thanks for you $0.02, WMWB. I'm going to try and think very, very hard about this over the weekend, and until I know what I need to do, stay silent and dark. I'm going to write a plan B letter and feel it out, but I remain undecided. I can't stay that way for long. Not deciding is deciding. We'll see where I wind up.

I hope a few of you will be around over the weekend. You're such a great help to me. Thank you all so so so so very much.

GC

Got your message, H4F. Gracias.

GS - I don't know about going to Plan B and I can tell you are hesitant. It seems pretty scary to me. What I do is, I rarely initiate the contact with WH. I stay dark and wait for him to contact me. When he does contact me, I am pleasant and friendly and he has told me he has noticed a change in me. In the 5 weeks he has been gone, he has not gone more then 2 days without contacting me. So far today has been the first time since last Friday that I have not heard from him.

I don't know if this is working or it is the right thing to do, but I guess time will tell. In the mean time, I am finally started to feel a lot less desperate then I have in a long time. I am concentrating on doing things that are good for me and the baby; eating right, exercising, going to church, reaching out to friends, seeing an IC. That seems to be helping me a lot. Staying busy is key, thinking too much is a very, very, bad thing right now.

GC - I spoke too soon in my last post. WH just called to see if he could stop by to say hello, but I am leaving shortly to go to the movies with a friend so he is going to stop by tomorrow.

Gray:
I think I read in other posts of yours that you play guitar. I thought I read that you went to practice on one evening. I play too. I used to play in church before I resigned as pastor after the A. We're still praying about where to go now. We're in MC and going through recovery slowly. But thank God for the guitar. I was an avid guitar player, but when the A happened I never picked it up... I didn't care about it... I didn't care about anything. I didn't even know if I wanted to live anymore.

Lately I've picked it back up and it's been such a wonderful distraction to get my mind off all of this and not think so much. It really helps. I had also gotten to the point where it was hard to worship God because of all the stuff. Today I've had the opportunity to play and I found myself singing to Him again. It felt really good. I do love God, but I don't know how things could've gotten so far out of whack.

God Bless

RWS, sometimes I can play, sometimes I can't. Sometimes it brings up too much emotion or something.

The sparrow stopped by while I was gone today and left a note. This time she's extracting things of mine that have been sitting in a dark room in the basement of her mother's house - things I just never bothered to pick up. The hurting just goes on and on...

--
Hi [GC],

I picked up my mail & some clothes/PCRP items.

Dropped off a bike helmet & ski boots (were at [MIL]'s).

Have a good 4th!

[Sparrow]

Graycloud - I think your best bet is to get on with your life the best you can. Don't sit around waiting for the sparrow. I know that is easier said than done.

I have been going through this for 16 months, and wasted a lot of time the first 6 months, but I was so devastated, couldn't really get myself together.

They are going to do what they are going to do. The only thing you can really do is not LB. That is critical.

Graycloud: Hang in there buddy. There are several things that could happen after OM is served. Some to your benefit, but not all, just depends on his reaction and how stupid he really is. I think I remember you saying once that sparrow had been spending a lot of money on OM. That may continue or even escalate. Depends on how sparrow reacts to that. Good luck and protect yourself.

RH

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wonder how it will affect the happy couple's weekend retreat. Better? Worse? Yeah, who knows?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GC-

For what it’s worth, admittedly not much, I think you should prepare yourself.

The OM in your sit is not much of a man at all. He is leaving his pregnant W and child at home to go play with a(nother) man’s W.

He/they could think:

Yeah! Halfway there!!

Of course this is fog, but fog can still hurt.

Take care of yourself.

It's done; he's got the papers. He was angry. He said a few crummy things to his W in front of their child, accused his W of putting the child in the middle. Even though he's the one having the A! Jacka$s.

His W is a little relieved, but very sad. She's gone out of her way to keep the child from being put in the middle, to keep her from seeing her mother emotional and from seeing her parents argue. But to OM and the sparrow, she's just a villain. Heartbreaking.

I don't know when my time will be coming. Maybe soon, who knows? It's happening too fast. I don't have time to absorb one blow before the next comes.

GC

Ok GC,

Now ask the mods to remove all your threads. This place is not safe for you to be posting all the info. We can support you but now you have to be careful how you post.

Can you do that?

L.

Orchid, it would be very unlikely that they would know I've been here, but it is probably best to be safe. Guess I'll print out my threads and ask to have them removed. Is this removal permanent?

Am I becoming numb to all of these events? I don't feel panicky right now. I cried tonight, for the first time since the meds started to work. But you'd think I would be terrified and freaking out, and instead I'm just tired.

Thanks to everybody. Sparrow is not spending much money that I can see. Kloe, I'm with you right now on the sparrow-enforced version of plan B, but like I said, I am writing the PBL just to see how it feels. Hard to keep it short.

GC

Better safe than sorry. You can e-mail the mods. They will let you know what needs to be done.

At this time I think you need to prepared for the OM and WS to pull out the stops on an all out attack on 'all' they feel are 'against them'. This includes you and his family, basically everyone NOT sanctioning the A.

Don't spill your beans. Just brace up for the storm. Keep posting here for support. ok?

L.

GC- Hang in there. You are doing great considering the circumstances. No matter what happens in the end you are going to survive and come out of this a better person. You have done all you can and can look yourself in the mirror and be proud of the person you are.