Why does the BS buy the line of crap from the WS such as:

1. WS is afraid to come back because the BS might revert back to ________.

2. WS needs to move out to find themselves.

3. WS needs time alone.

4. WS wants to show love for the family by having a D or separation.

R U all getting this? Do you buy this stuff? Or worse, do you reward the WS when they throw this kind of crap your way?

How do you feel after? How do you return it?

Just asking.

L.

<small>[ July 02, 2004, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

I believe #1. Well I don't believe it, but I can see them believing it. It's all part of downplaying, or maybe just having no clue, how profoundly BSes are affected by affairs.

The rest are nonsense. Hard to tell that to WS, though, without seeming disrespectful, controlling, argumentative...

GC

I didn't buy any of it cuz I was on MB within 24 hours of d-day. I have to admit that FWS did ask for a month 'away' before the A even started. I believe he was having a mid-life crisis. Still after many months of begging, I let him go to a hotel for a week. I know for a fact that OW didn't go with him cuz he talked to her every night. He to get 'clarity' on the situation. I told him he's not gonna find any answers in 5 days and sure enough, I was right. It took another month for the A to end.

Thanks for your response. Now I want to also pose another question.

If the BS doesn't buy that crap, how does or how should the BS react?

Input on this is important. There's a lot of extra pain and wasted time lost if the BS is spinning their wheels wondering if they are crazy or what?!?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thanks,
L.

I was thrown some of this crap before. And, yes, I bought some of it. I was so shell-shocked by the whole A that I didn't know my rear from a hole in the ground. Had I to do over, I would not give in to the foolishness again. I was such a mess and sometimes fall back into it again. A blubbering fool. Begging his wife for love.... Good God, what a pathetic picture. It disgusts me that I did that. But the pain was and is so unbearable at times, especially since there is no healing balm coming from FWW. I still don't know why A happened .... she won's say.
I still don't know what needs I need to meet... she won't say. I still don't know what she wants me to do... she won't say. When I ask any question of any real substance I can count on an, "I don't know," or "I haven't thought about that," or "I'm choosing not to think about that." Well, that's all fine and good, but how do you fix it if you have no idea where to start. OH YEAH, AND I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET UPSET OVER ANY OF THAT!!!!

Now, more recently when the crap gets thrown my way I call it crap and I don't put up with it.

My W said #'s 1, 2 and 3. I bought them all. As I am a recovering alcoholic I think she may have some real concern with me falling back as in #1. But how long do I have to stay sober and work hard at recovery for her to believe it is real?

I have been hearing this crap for one year now! and i still heard some tonight that i cant change its all me blah blah blah. in the beginng i belived it but now i know its crap an di'm sick of it!! ughhh

Regarding #4. My W said she wanted our M to be stronger and we needed to be apart so we could grow back together.
Yes. I bought that too!

So the consensus here is most of us 'bought' these lines at one time or another. We also see other BS' being suckered into buying those same lines.

How would you either give it back or get rid of it? How can you help another BS to avoid making the same mistake?

L.

<small>[ July 02, 2004, 07:15 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

When I was a BS I listened and believed all of the BS (bull****) because it was easier than facing the truth. I was afraid of the changes it would mean.

I was not strong enough to understand the A was not about me.

I believed the BS b/c I wanted to.