ok things have been going super GREAT for awhile i just kept having this feeling!~~~~ Well tonight when i calle dthe phone company to pay my H cell phone they said oh well would you like to update your phone plan b/c already this month you've used aprox 350 min! its only been since wedensday is the new month!!! i know H tlaked to me and work for about 170 min so i dont know where the rest of th emin went.

i called him and said hey the lady said your almost over ur min (only 400 a month) and what sgoing on , he said nothing it must be a mistake! so i said ok well let me call them back i said i love u he just hung up (something we had discussed a few weeks back and he had stopped acting like that)... so when i talked to the phone company they said no way a mistake etc etc.

so when i talked to him again he said that he didnt do it etc and that i would see when the phone bill came etc. he was yelling at me and very very defensive (making me very very susupious) he hung up on me etc. saying he is sick of dealling with this. and that he was staying 2 hours late tongiht and not to wait up

so i was very upset and was thinking about spending the night w/ the children at his moms house / he called me back and said maybe when they changed my phone number there was a mistake! i said no your phone number was changed on the 21 theese charges are since the 29th!!! So we got into a long conversation he said that he is sick of me accusing and not trusting, and that i should try to respect him better. and that i need to let things go. i told him i'd wokr harder he said i knwo you cant change. so i said what does that mean. he said i'm sick of you thinkin gihave ulteriuor (SP) motives and i'm sick of you not trusting me. he then hung up on me.

i'm so hurt things had been so great i even said i felt like i had my old h back then boom this... i'm fustrated this fight for my marriage is so hard. he susuposdly has no contact with the ow but i'm sure he does he work swith her. and i'm not sure what to do. i bet hes still wokring till 11 which will make me very mad bc he had told me right b/4 that that he'd get off at 9.

Then i dont know if i should jsut call him and tel him i'm taking the kids out for the night?

i dont know he doesnt seem to want to to comply with my requests he does NOT understand the amount of pain he has caused me this year.
and everything he said for the 3 months b/4 i let him move bake home i think was just said to get me back.

HELP PLEASE I"M SO UPSET <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Have you tried marriage counseling? I think you have the right to know who he is calling.

mylife,

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

Learn to trust your "gut meter" because it is often right.

But just this once, let's give your WH the benefit of the doubt until the phone bill comes in. Let's assume this is all a big misunderstanding.

He still has a lot of explaining to do.

What he is doing is the classic table-turning. It takes the focus off of him and what he did if he can somehow blame you for being unsure and insecure and unable to "get over it.". He doesn't yet understand that blaming you for being unable to instantly trust him is backwards.

He needs to build your trust and faith in him. He needs to reassure you. He needs to be transparent and honest.

One thing you can do right now is a good Plan A to let him know you still love him and to make it "safe" for him to come clean.

I know this is very hard. It just plain stinks to be hurt so deeply by the one person in the world you thought would never harm you. Hang in there. Keep posting. You'll find a lot of support here, though it is sometimes slow on the weekends.

~ Snow

no marriage counsling yet my isnurance starts sept 1 and we cant afford to go now b/c were in the bankruptcy!

Snowbelle is perceptive.

When my WW was involved with the OM, she was defensive to the point of seething anger when I would question her or snoop. She even said if she caught me snooping again, it's over. Apparantly it's common when the spouse is still involved.

But I'm a cynic.

Often phone companies will let you view your bill online and still send you the hard copy monthly. Ask for the particulars of the bill. If that isn't possible, affair research via voice activated recorders are available, the legalities of such may be in question though.

Good luck

Thanks! i have bill detail. but this one wont be tillt he 2 or 3 of next month! he refuses to answer his phone at work even when our daughter called to say goodnight.

i'm very uspet theres a big part of me that wants to just say whatever and let him alone. he made so many promjises for months b/4 we got back togehter and then NOTHIHGN has changed. i want to call the OW (iwont ) but i want to know her prespective. i know hes lying to her about the situation. i dont even know if he still wears his wedding ring to work.

i think this is bolgoona i feel like were in a "false recovery" i kinda wnat to say that until he can be 110 percent dedicated to making this work then we wont try. i dotn know what else to do at this point... i'm trying to plan A i have been but i htink he just walks all over that. i mean hes nice and sweet then boom he acts like this or i find something else. the lies keep coming and coming. if he wans not hididn ganything why wont he leave his cell on? im sick to my stomach over this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

That's actually how the last dday went down. I figured out he was receiving his cell bill online. I logged on, figured out his password, and viola! A billion phone calls to the OW daily. Okay, not a billion but he called her on average at least a dozen times a day.

He used to call my snooping "Perry Mason Bull Sh*t" and said that if it continued he would have to leave again. Yet, everytime I snooped I found out more incriminating evidence. The very last argument we had, both he and the OW told me that I should not snoop because it would only make me see things I didn't want to see. WTF? Poor nine, let's screw her over royally and then protect her from it. Noble of them.

Sorry for the rant. I guess what I am trying to say is that people who are truly committed have absolutely nothing to hide and it actually makes them feel good to let the spouse know how faithful they have been. "The truth shall set you free" so to speak. Only those people with dark hidden motives fear the snooping and questioning. Otherwise, the partner should always be willing to share everything in their life. That's the true definition of being a PARTNER.

nine line bind

Hi i can totally relate b/c my H things i'm a amateaur (but very good) PI i've cautght him 99.9 percent o fhte times he lies! but the thing is is hwne he accuses me of stuff which he does i dont have anythign to hide he accused me of calling this guy i used to talk to so over the weekend i printed out my phone records and wnet over every number with him that he didnt personally know they wer emostly businesses or crap that i had to call or something like a wrong number but he found nothing in my psast 3 months of phone bills i felt good about revealing it to him.! b/c i know i'm an honest person.

Now if only i could convince him that if he was honest he wouldnt have to be like this and thats where my trouble lies , when we got back together he said he wanted an honest open mature marriage and i think he is the only one not contributing to that! I dont know what to do at this point it is sad

I wish I could be of more help to you, see I have been married 17 years since I was 22. I am so in love with this girl that it makes me nuts. About 5 years ago I was aparently suspicious of her and decided to check her e-mail and sure enough there was an e-mail from my best friend. Stating his love for her. I convinced her to relocate to florida and take another change at life. We agreed. We worked at it and had our best year together last year. The other day I started getting concerned again. I decided to check out what she was doing all day. Sure enough she was talking to a very old friend all the time on the computer and soon thereafter on the phone. Some of the things they are talking about are normal. Some should not be so personal.

My problem, samiliar to yours is if I am so crazy about her how do I move on or work this out. She accuses me of being controlling. Is this because she is getting caught? I am so nuts over this situation, I can't sleep, eat or get over this.

Please help!!!

I dont know what the answer is i have been with my h since i was 15, I love him truely. we have two beautfiul children and our relationship had been very wonderful b/4 A . i'm broken hearted.

I just had a conversation with my mil she suggests i sit down with him and say that we both need to work on this or go our seperate ways. i dont know if thats the asnwer. its so hard to plan a righ tnow with the pain and meaness he gives me.

what i need help with is how do i make him know that i am serious that things need to change? they really do and i think hes been sitting on the phone with that girl as he has not been answering his phone and cant rememeber where he was!!! ugghhh