this was posted by "nine line blind" in another thread and I think it deserves it's own.

nine line blind: "He used to call my snooping "Perry Mason Bull Sh*t" and said that if it continued he would have to leave again. Yet, everytime I snooped I found out more incriminating evidence. The very last argument we had, both he and the OW told me that I should not snoop because it would only make me see things I didn't want to see. WTF? Poor nine, let's screw her over royally and then protect her from it. Noble of them.

Sorry for the rant. I guess what I am trying to say is that people who are truly committed have absolutely nothing to hide and it actually makes them feel good to let the spouse know how faithful they have been. "The truth shall set you free" so to speak. Only those people with dark hidden motives fear the snooping and questioning. Otherwise, the partner should always be willing to share everything in their life. That's the true definition of being a PARTNER."

TML: that is so true NLB! When a WS gets defensive and doesn't want the BS to "snoop" it's because they have something to hide. Believe me, I am an expert on that! My H is (hopefully WAS) a serial cheater, if he gets defensive about me looking for something it's only when he knows I might find something. When he has nothing to hide he doesn't mind my snooping.

I think that is why so many people (especially those who have been through infidelity) will tell you to trust your gut instinct. That little voice inside that says...pssst this isn't adding up--better look into this further or else you could get hurt even more.

I also think this is a classic mechanism to avoid being either blindsided again or designed to somehow lessen the impact because it is the person who is uncovering the lies rather than being caught off guard. This way, I personally feel like I am in control of my own destiny and I can then make a decision based on what I know rather than my making decisions based on his lies.