My wife of 14 years wants to separate. She said that she does know if
she loves me the way a wife should love a husband but that I am still
one of the most important people in her life. She is in her 2nd affair
in 1 year. She said that she knew if she did it again it would be over.
She also said that it is not me and that I am a good man a husband but
that she is the problem.--My wife has a low self esteem and a poor
relationship with her father which also effects her relationship with god.
She likes attention from other men, she likes when they flirt and that
she needs this. She has really pulled away from me and does not want to
seed counseling. She said that she wants to go to a personal counselor
first. She said that she does not know if it is over but that I need to
move on with my life and maybe we will get back together. Our
relationship with god has not been that close for the past couple of years and I
know that is part of the problem. She said she is at a cross road in
her
life and does not know what she wants anymore. How am I suppose to
treat her. Should I be nice all the time knowing what she is doing. Do I
hold on. The bible says love your wife but what do I do. What next move
on or hold on for a while. She wants a six month separation and we will
see but no counseling. She is also drinking with her friends and that
is part of the problem.. I am confused and feel foolish for holding on. She says that maybe we will work out but do not get my hopes up. She needs her space and that is hard to give when I am losing the most important person my life.How should I act toward her. Compliment her, hugs and a kiss on the cheek. How can I make her want me again. She says I a good guy and deserve better. her friend tells me that she loves me but not in love with me and that I should move on. My wife says that maybe we will get back together but not to hold on to that and I should move on. And if she wants a divorce after separation with no counseling do I refuse to sign and say I sign but only after we try counseling because I deserve it our 2 kids deserve it and the 14 years we spent together deserve it

lsu_la@yahoo.com <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ July 04, 2004, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: swimming alone ]</small>

Have you started Plan A? Read all about it on the link in my signature line.

Also is there any evidence that she is having an affair? All the signs are there.

hi swimming....you are not alone. after 24 years of M and a 2 year false recovery my h left 7 weeks ago. 2 days ago he said he loves me but not like he should. oooooook. h is with ow- want to talk? keep writing here.......

PEACE OUT

Read everything you can on this web site and on this board. You will find most WS tend to act and do the same things. Most of us BS's here all got the I love you but I'm not in love with you speach, and I don't know if I want to be married. My WH moved out 5 weeks ago, and at the time was 100% sure he didn't want to be with me. Now, he calls or e-mails me every day. You will feel depressed and sad, and that is alright. Just don't let it consume you. Use this time to take a good look at yourself and work on the areas that you don't like. You can't change your spouse but you can change you. And no matter what happens you will come out of this a better, stronger person.

hi Kloe- what kind of email are you getting?

PEACE OUT

I am not getting any kind of email. I am slowly coming to the realization that it may be over and am letting her go which is scary. It is hard to understand how someone you can love so much and depend on just kick you to the curb.6 Months ago she graduated nursing school which put in a lot of overtime so she could go. Why is it that the hurting one seems to have to pay the bigger price in all this and the offender can go on like nothing ever happened. I wish I did not have to go down this road.I dread telling the 2 children. This is going to awful. My wife knows she is hurting a lot of people but will only do what she wants.The I love you but not in love with you, is that a cop out or real or just someone confused

I have tried plan A but she will not negotiate. she says she has fun with him and does not feel lonely. She says that she is losing everything and just wants to hold on to any thing she can. This guys divorce will be final in a month. He is a friend of mine. I do not wish them well if they stay together but I know a relationship started in betrayal and deceit can not last and they both will have to come to terms with what they have done

Swimming alone, I'll add you to my long prayer list. Our situations are very parallel, except my wife's affair is complicated by (1) sexual abuse as a teenager that she's never dealt with in counseling and (2) a very long, untreated postpartum depression with associated denial. Did your W give you the "this is for your own good" speech as well as the "not in love" one?

In my situation, OM, a friend from church, is 58 (she's 36), is chronically depressed, and is in very poor health, but she's convinced he wants to start a new family with her, our 7-year-old daughter, and our 2 1/2-year-old son. I just yesterday moved to Plan B when she (lying to her attorney I believe) got an emergency custody order for the kids. So I told her that evidently they truly meant to be together, she wants custody of the kids, and we all need time to begin adjusting to this: so I would not stand in the way of their happiness and would move out temporarily (as soon as we have an agreement) so he can move in, if she wants.

Now, I've also started proceedings for what North Carolina calls a "divorce from bed and board" (not a divorce per se, but a court-ordered legal separation in cases of adultery, etc.) with a counter-claim for custody, and I have an entire church worth of witnesses, if necessary, to (1) how much care I give to the kids, (2) how depressed she has been, and (3) how depressed and suicidal he's been in the past. But I don't expect the custody hearing will be necessary -- she's "completely over" her depression, but she took a 90-minute nap from 8:00 to 9:30 this morning, and a few days with her equally depressed OM may be enough for one of them to fall apart and get the help they need.

I think life won't be as rosy as she believes when she, he, the kids, the dog, and the 2 cats are living in the real world rather than love-bird land for a couple of weeks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (Interestingly, today he did confess the affair to 2 of his children -- I think they're 34 and 28 or so -- but did NOT say he was planning to live with her) So I don't think he realizes she'd want him to move in with her so soon; perhaps the love birds will have their first spat in the next day or so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Whatever happens, it won't be easy for you or for any of us, but you're in our prayers.

In Christ's Love, SurvivingInNC

I really feel your pain. I will be praying for you also. My wife was also molested and desires a good relationship with her father and I think that is why she likes attention from other men.I did get the love you speech which I think is just absurd. How do you get through it all. Do you have any scripture that you lean on.

good morning......I called this # for support and prayer today- it was wonderful. 1-800-437-1395. give it a try and let me know.

PEACE OUT

got a recording thanks for the number

a good recording???

PEACE OUT

should their be separation with adultery ongoing, cant stand to be here, should she go or me

whoever moves out-LOSES.

PEACE OUT

loses in which way. Sometimes I feel if I or she is not here life be harder on her and she may miss home

<small>[ July 04, 2004, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: swimming alone ]</small>