I've been wondering what is going on with you. How are things?

How is it going, 1FamMan?

Thanks for asking, Still treading water. WW is not friendly or pleasant.

I liquidated some mutual funds - $14,000 worth to pay off all our debt. I had told my WW that I was going to do this about a week before I actually made the transaction. They told me it would be 7-10 days before it arrived in the mail. However, the check came after just 3 days while I was at work. The WW got it and deposited it in our joint account. Then she withdrew $7,000 and opened her own account. I believe She has told OM everything about our financial condition.

When I discovered it I told her that was supposed to be to pay off the bills. She said it was her half of the money. I could pay the bills out of my half. She told me she was going to use it for her attny fees. Today we did the bills together and I paid off all the debt I could with the rest of the money, she still refused to contribute any. She is a SAHM and she ran up almost all the credit debt. She once ran up $20,000 in debt 10 years ago. I only found out when I refinanced one of our rental properties. Almost had a coronary. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I asked her if I should be expecting to recieve D papers soon. She said she didn't know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I asked her if I could expect them in the near future. And she still said she didn't know. I asked her if she still intended to file and she said "I've been telling you that for the past month, do you think something has changed."

So my life has not improved much Believer. Going to have to put my 15-year old border collie to sleep next week too <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> .

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

1FM, I'm sorry about your dog. Border collies are extraordinary animals.

I've been thinking about you too. You haven't talked much lately about how you feel about your W that I can recall. What is it that you want right now?

GC

Thanks GC, Yes that was a great dog. Got her about 6 mos after we were married. Great with the kids, they grew up with her. She's half blind, 3/4 deaf, trouble holding her bladder, and just plain tired. It is just so hard when she puts her head on my lap for a good scratching, I feel she isn't done living yet. But she is struggling just to get up and walk around now. I will be with her when they put her down, can't let her die with a stranger, alone. I'll be alone ... not looking forward to it.

I have always been there to rescue her from poor decisions, since high school. She's never really had to deal with any consequences to her actions, always sheltered her and protected her, solved her problems and fixed her screwups. She admitted this plenty of times in the past, but not now. That stuff never happened.

after the money runs out and reality sets in, after her fantasy is exposed for what it is. Not sure I can take her back after that, don't know. Sincerely hope I don't.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:32 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

Good to hear from you. But sorry to hear about your dog. That is going to be very sad for you and the kids.

Hopefully your wife will come out of her fantasy. But at least she didn't take all of the money in the account. That kind of surprises me. I would think that she would take the whole thing and go to Las Vegas.

!fm,

Sorry about your dog. I had to put my little Fluffi to sleep when she was 16 years. She was a good and faithful dog who didn't like H. Hm.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It was a very emotional time for me (losing my dog and find out I was pregnant at the same time). You are having to deal with more. Sending you a [[[[cyber hugz]]]]] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


So the fog runs thick out your way. Well now you know what she is capable of and need to be even more cautious since she is willing to steal from the family fund to fuel her A. Be careful.

take care,
L.

Well the 4th wasn't too bad. Enjoyed the company of the kids and the neighbors at the fireworks. WW was distant, cold, and rude to me. She made several comments about some of the women walking around, telling me that she bets that's exactly my type of woman.

I am convinced she has developed some kind of hate for me. It started immediately after the discovery of her PA.

She sleeps till 11 am most days I'm home, I came into the bedroom this morning to get something out of the bathroom. She was lying in bed and as I left she accosted me about whether the other bathroom worked, and me checking up on her, and a bunch of other crap. Everytime I walk into the same room as her she accuses me of checking on her, or looks at me with a sneer. If I'm in a room before she comes in she usally will say "I can't even come in this room anymore!"

I try not to LB. Think I have been doing well. I try to tell her how it makes me feel when she does this. She just tells me that's what I get for all the times I hurt her. She claims she's glad I'm hurting. She says what she's doing doesn't bother her one bit, she feels no guilt at all. She still denies affair.

Could she really hate me? Up until I found out about OM we were having fun, she was responsive and loving, she was talking about "our" future. Then the wheels came off.

Was she just pretending?
Was she insincere?
Could she hate me?

I feel hated.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

As per Dr Harley, after you found out about the OM, the affair is starting its death throes. I see her actions to you as a very positive sign. Remember the opposite of love is not hate , it's indifference. Keep doing what you're doing.

It doesn't feel that way. How could it end cymanca if it is just fun all the time. She is in the middle of a huge fantasy with a man across the country she has only chatted with and spent 2 nights with.

The OM is persuing her, it is just fun for him. She is gambling everything away on this.

I don't know whether she convinced herself to hate me, or she really should hate me?

A few small words of advice:

1) Take her name off of your joint bank account. She opened her own account and has no reason to complain if you do the same.

2) Call all of your credit card companies and ask them to cancel her credit cards. See if the credit reporting agencies will make a notation on your account, asking for no additional credit to be approved. Consult your lawyer to see how you can prevent her from obtaining credit using your name and financials.

3) File a separation agreement to protect your interests, as well as those of your children. She has fired the first shot by taking $7K and opening her own account.

4) Get a long distance block on your home telephone. Tell the phone company that you will need to approve any changes in writing and verbally. Since you will not be paying her cell phone bills, she may run up your phone bill. This will not apply if you have unlimited long-distance calling (We have it through SW Bell).

5) Question: how is OM going to "triple" the $7K? Sounds like he is going to use this money to gamble, or worse. He is not on an even keel.

6) This runs contrary to MB principles, but I would put her on a plane and tell her not to come back without a NC agreement. You may not even want her to come back. Let the OM support her for a while and give her a healthy dose of reality.

7) You may want to be proactive and file for divorce yourself. Document her affair and the emotional and financial harm that is has done to you and your children. You may get better terms in your divorce if you do this. Again, this runs contrary to MB principles.

Good luck and God Bless!

She has to vilify you to convince herself that she has done nothing wrong. That is what most do. Hang in there, this is gonna be a rough ride.

Believer, any bumpier and I'm going to start peeing blood.

Just did some LB'ing
After hearing how terrible I've been and how we never should have been married and that she should have divorced me 10 years ago I opened my mouth. Made some disrespectful judgements. Reminded her about some of the feeling she now denies. Told her how she should feel about what her recent marital conduct has done, and her destructive behaivor with OM. Also came to some unkind words over putting the our dog down.

I wanted to tell her that I wasn't going to fight anything, I was going to try to make it easy for her to pursue her fantasy. Wanted to tell her I didn't think the OM would really welcome her as she thinks he would. Wanted to give her to opportunity to see how much he really wanted to be with her 24/7 forever.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

Well, did it last night - with mixed emotions. The emotions were mixed because I was scared to say "its ok with me if we're not together", but after the past 6 weeks, I almost really felt that way, at least part of the time.

Told her I would try to make it easy for her to pursue OM. That I wouldn't try to keep her here with me. Told her until she does that she'll never be able to move on with her life, with me or anybody else.

Have to admit, I LB's some. I told her that I didn't think OM would welcome her once she was free. That the fantasy would be exposed for the fairytail it was. (I think he is having fun just the way it is, doesn't want full on R with WW)

Of course that just opened the door to how horrible I have been forever, since before we were married. It has gone from a bad marriage the past 5 years, up to 10 years, up to we never should have married, now to I was horrible before we were married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I don't know what to do about the denial part. Not trying to get her to admit it, but for some reason when she says there is nothing going on, or there are no romantic plans with him, it really hurts. Hurts to hear her lie again and again.

Have to take the DD to practice.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

.....

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>