i'm done with this . i cant do it anymore. after our talk alst night and him agreeing to work on things hes already started with me today. then i said i just dont think you can be nice he said your right im not gonna be nice at all just a jerk. i said are you sure thats how you want it he said yes! so i said fineand hung up i'm about to call and tell him me and the kidsa re leaving for the weekend. im sick of this crap!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> im so sad but he obvously doesnt want to try and im SICK of me being the one trying only!

I just spoke with him again. he said he wants to work on the marriage but its all me etc . then we hung up and i'm not speaking to him . i'm mad. i'm sick of being so nice to him and he is the one who had the A and then contunied contacting her. he says im so differnt then i was a year ago.. welll look what i'vebeen through this past year!!! i'm so sad.... i 'm lost

Hmmmm. Well I've posted that I was done many times. But I am still hanging in there after 16 months of this stuff.

Did you ever do Plan A?

I've done plan a for awhile now and he was actually being quite nice also but then all of a sudden he started going crazy yesterday when the phone company annoucned he was amost over his minuites after only 3days (another post) and we got into it. he gets very angry defensive and mean and i cant be nice while he walks all over me!

Well, I don't know what to tell you. I had already thrown WH out, before I found this site. So I never did a Plan A.

But if you want your marriage, it is necessary. It seems to work.

mylife, are you trying out for the LoveBuster Queen Award? Because it sure sounds like it. Every time you call him up and shriek, accuse and condemn, you just make the OW look so much MOOOOOOOOOORE attractive. Do you realize that?

If you were him, would you want to come home to you? Please stop helping the OW, this program is to help YOU, not HER.

Please stop with the angry outbursts and disrespectful judgments. There is a way to address the cell phone minutes without doing all that and pushing him towards the OW.

I have to agree with MelodyLane.

Your doing a really bad job with Plan A. I know it's tough.

The cruel irony of all this crap is while were being hurt by the one we love we have to be so strong, so stable and so understanding when all we feel like is very opposite.

IMHO - You need to start from the start and do this right. A proper Plan A.

It's hard to understand this but your husband is alos hurting. I didn't understand that about my WW when my world was spinning out of control. Sure I knew she was in pain but mine was much worse (so I though).

'When your in the middle of a storm stop, stand still and move very, very slowly"

ok i agree i do my fair of lb but then please someone how do i go about confronting his lies!!! i'm sick of being lied to and what do i do when he is just plain me to me.? do i just let him walk all over me? i need to start over with him and try again i bought the his needs her needs book earlier today. i dont knwo what else to do.. we are in a bad cycle right now and ndeed help to fix it !

goodguy007
THANKS i agree i need to start over. i just dont know how to handlle whne he gets mean. or i find out information or have suspions do i just keep it all inside? thanks guys!

Is he still at home with you and the kinds??

Yea, he moved out from oct-jan i did a great plan A but so did he, he was perfect from nov-jan begging me to take him home i took him home in jan he changed back to his old self by march and was calling ow again etc. its been a rollercoaster since

First of my guess is you both changed back a little when he came home.

So lets talk about now. One more question.

He's home now, is he still in contact with OW??

As of now, he states no contact as of 6/21/04. they still work in the same office he is looking for a new job and has been wanting to quit since march. but little look so far. so i dont know if he is actually in contact (emial/phone/personal) with her while he is at work. but he swears no contact since the last time i foudn her msg on his phone.

we both did change. we made a big mistake: we were so happy to be back together we both threw all the hard work out the window and it landed us back here

OK -

You do both seem to want to make things work though it has been very hard.

Get back to Plan A and work on a plan together.

Do you both have a plan worked out between yourselves?

not really a plan between us. we both agreed our number one problem (besides ow) is that we need better ocmmunication. i got that book this monring his needs her needs. i said we need to sceadule time to talk. etc.

my problem is , is when in plan a if he starts having an attitude or being mean do i just contunie being nice? do i let him get away with things i find out hes lying about? thnaks so much!

I don't think you really do have a plan just some ideas and mutual thoughts.

Now I never got to this point with my WW as she would never open up about our marriage issues and she found her solution in the arms or her bestfriends husband.

SO I will tell you what I would have done if I got the chance.

1) you need to have a family plan - something you both agree on and write it down map it out like a finacial plan or recipe.

mine was going to look like this,

A) no more yelling, blaming or arguing.

B) Schedualed family talk time/discussion time. this give everyone the chance to get it out in the open without fear of things just blowing up at any time. If he lied to you let it go until the scheduade time to talk.

C) Scheduale family fun time - maybe a walk each night or dinner and a move at home with the kids, a game night etc.

D) Scheduale couple time - Time just for the two of you to do stuff together no kids or others.


Now individually find ways to grow and learn about yourself. - read about infidelity, issues raising kids, becoming a better person yourself. Do something you used to do but don't do anymore or very often, try something new rebuild yourself.

And of course stop beating each other up. Instead of "you lied again you SOB" how about "remeber last wednesday and you lied to me that hurt me and do you know why you lied or felt you needed to lie"

Everything you do must be constructive in nature.

again Just my opinion.

Thanks that sounds great! i think after we finsih reading the book we'll sit down and make out a plan! Thanks again.

i'm ready to try this plan a stuff again. i'm still wondering from someone who is in plan a or been there how i contunie in plan A when hes being mean or i am suspioius of a lie? Thanks!