As many of you know, I live in a small community where it's impossible to completely avoid seeing WH & OW, even in Plan B, without ending my own social life.

A few odd twists to my sitch, and I wouldn't mind input. Crazy OW was engaging in quasi-stalking behavior in public that people were starting to notice. This stopped abruptly last week some time.

A bizarre twist: WH served me with D papers earlier this year. I found a great attorney and replied. He was supposed to return with some stuff. He never did, so the whole thing lurched into limbo for the last several months. The D could have been final at the end of this month. Apparently, WH has just learned that he's stalled the whole process, hence postponing the long-awaited nuptials with the beloved OW. Apparently, he thought he could slide easily through the D process, and I would roll over and stick my feet in the air like a dead bug. He's going to hate the process, hate the paperwork. Life is tough. (Perhaps it's something they could do together -- spread butter on each other and go over the paperwork.)

They were holding hands last night, actually looked okay. But WH did a kind of double-take when he saw me, and both seem to be avoiding me now. Fine by me. She's still crazy, which is why I'm opting for a very careful D process.

My favorite movie line, from "Chinatown":

GEDDES (Jack Nicholson): We don't have to get nasty about this, Mrs. Mulwray.
MULWRAY (Faye Dunaway): Oh, I never get nasty, Mr. Geddes. My lawyer does.

Weirdly, I still have some parts of me that want him to reconsider, even at this late date. Not because I want him in my bed again or he-left-me-and-it-hurts-so-bad, but because the evidence is mounting that he's in a powerful downswing. In a largely disinterested way, I know that marital recovery would be the best thing for him.

That said, if he is going to push through this process, I plan to be cool-minded and very un-sentimental.

What a lousy start for his new R!

AM,
What a shame that his ignorance about the law and inaction is going postpone his next nuptials. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You'd almost think he wasn't anxiously awaiting the day... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Are you sure they were holding hands and she wasn't just restraining him?

Good morning, Lor! Yes, it's kinda funny, innit? You'd think he wasn't anxiously awaiting...

Funny, too, what I'm learning about love (and I have to admit my first post was somewhat lacking in charity). Love is really a rather severe and relentless thing -- someone said that, can't recall who -- not soft and mushy at all.

If recovery ever came, I don't know how I'd find the forgiveness. I'd have to be a different person, starting from a place of disinterested charity, rather than marital passion. Oh well, it's not in the script to date, so I don't have to worry about it.

A.M
have you followed any of my recent posts? About how my WH (now ex) has become very remorseful?
I won't go into all that - but I will say that it is darn interesting now to start hearing some of the actual details about his R with OW.
All last year the two of them portrayed the happy couple. Trips to the beach - sat at my sons football games holding hands - tried to be the Brady Bunch family.
meanwhile, everyone who knows OW reports that she is truly psycho. Her own husband reports to me that she drives by his house several times a day to look at him - every day.
Now I find out that in reality things went bad much earlier for my ex and OW than I thought.
He tellme now that while they were living together she was actully sleeping in her daughters (age 7) bed with her. That ex kept expecting her to quit sleeping with daughter and sleep with him, but she kept saying that daughter needed her - she was struggling with the D. (don't get me wrong - I know my ex and OW managed to get in bed together plenty)
Also - my ex tells me that he was in the car with her many times when she would drive by her H's house - and he kept telling her to leave the man alone. After all, she was in a new relationship with her soul mate, why did she keep spying on her H?
These are just a couple of the things he has told me. Not sure how much I want to hear. But , you mention the fact that OW is crazy, that several people have said that, and it struck a chord with me. If you are starting to hear reports of trouble in paradise, I suspect it is probably worse than you even know.

My ex's OW is all ready in another realtionship, and my ex has proof now that she was sleeping with someone else while living with him. I think that she is so insecure that she has to have a mans attention all the time to feel better. That she flirts to get a man, and once she has him she needs to find a new conquest.
Do you think that is possible with your H's OW?

Sorry to butt in but I almost have to laugh just alittle. Whould you guys/gals stop printing my life story.

good idea for a post - take a read and fill us all in.

Woman of faith: Anything's possible with my OW.

I'll look up your threads...

<small>[ July 03, 2004, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

...Looked up your threads, wof. Your WH snapped out of it relatively quickly. My WH is alpha male determined-to-be-right. OW is a nutter craving for public acceptance. It would be a tough combo to break. But yes, she is a nutter, and who knows what will happen.

Know one guy who dated her ONCE and could see something was wrong in the head.

<small>[ July 04, 2004, 12:49 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

Seems like things are pretty much the same in your world, AM. Every once in a while the bizarre things come to the fore, and then they die away again and we don't hear from you. Then it gets weird again and you post.

I wonder what it will take for the situation to really change -- to come out of the cycle that it's in right now. Perhaps your WH having to deal with the divorce papers will do it.

The bizarre is less sporadic than it may appear, Just J. During some of the recent stuff I got paranoid about OW finding this board.

AM,

You have been dealing with this nut case for too long. Time to use what you have learned about her nuttiness to your advantage.

You have learned how to identify her antics. Also how to not let it hurt you. IMHO, it is time that others see her actions towards you. I know you have been protective about this but you can make a shocked statement and it sure won't take long for others to see what you are feeling.

A consolation is that most of these antics require too much energy on the part of the OW. She won't last at this pace.

JMHO,
L.

What are you suggesting, Orchid? I let several friends know of the public stuff, in case it escalated. That might be why it stopped. Someone might have told her she was being weird. She probably doesn't want to do anything that will tag her as a weirdo. Maybe even WH stopped her.

She's being very showy and friendly towards all lately. Don't think she'll be able to keep THAT up -- she's not a very social person, and doesn't like people much. Much hand-holding and stuff in public right now -- a lot of joined-at-the-hip stuff. It's in God's hands, I really couldn't say what's going on, and don't care too much, because I follow the iceberg theory. If weirdness is lapping onto my shores, the odds are 99 percent certain that it is much, much weirder behind the scenes. The odds that I'm the only one getting weirdness (and not, say, WH) are pretty small. So my aim is stay low key, and let others attract the flying garbage. That way I can keep my clothes clean.

(And by the way, Just J, when I explained Plan B, he did think it was a good idea.)

<small>[ July 04, 2004, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

We remain so polarized on this...

JustJ...says...

Seems like things are pretty much the same in your world, AM. Every once in a while the bizarre things come to the fore, and then they die away again and we don't hear from you. Then it gets weird again and you post.

I wonder what it will take for the situation to really change -- to come out of the cycle that it's in right now. Perhaps your WH having to deal with the divorce papers will do it.

See this is it..this stuff..
your posts...
breaking the cycle....
they get me chomping at the bit and salivating...
there's a visual...eh...

perhaps that's why I don't post my picture on the MB photo album.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


I know for a fact that I would not hesitate to speak my peace to this man atleast one time before the papers are signed...

REGARDLESS of his response OR even his ability to hear....
REGARDLESS of how he will relay what you said to the OW...
REGARDLESS my dear ms. martin of your unending excuses not to speak your mind...

you use words so well
you speak in a way that he once adored and was able to understand........

you thought enough of him to marry him once...and knowing the thought and prayer you put in to things...at one time it was the right thing to do...
for you to MARRY him.......

as far as I am concerned you have nothing to lose in throwing him one lifeline out...
nothing....

what's worst that could happern...

hee hee...he leaves her and comes back to you..
oooops that's a good thing...

no the worst is he chooses not to hear you...

the best is you trigger that part of the brain and knows the real you....
and he finds his way out.......

I don't see where you have anything to lose...

he doesn't have anything that is yours........


Here's my fantasy for you....
I see you strolling in his office one sunny afternoon in an Audrey Hepburn accessorised summer adorable outfit...
ofcourse with matching hat....

flirting with his office mates on the way in...

darling so good to see you....
come lets walk.....
and you speak babble till the cows come home...
flattering babble...
mysterious babble with lots of sentences like.....

well i know you know exactly what I mean.
and well knowing you as well as I do surely I knew that's what you would have wanted me to do..

so glad to spend this time together, see how much two people who really care for one another can accomplish..

what a relief and weight has been lifted from my weary shoulders...thank you so very much...

darling I really must scoot...
this has been one the most enlightening conversations we have ever had..
and having drinks some evening would be marvelous...
as soon as you get these things together and do those few things I asked... call me..."

in other words you dazzle him and say NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING of substance...

don't really ask him to a thing..
make it seem like it's clear that you have asked him to do things....

leave him wondering what the hell was that, and what the hell did she say..
and what the did he agree to...

and see if he contacts you.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Katherine Hepburn did it marvelously to Carey Grant in bringing up baby...

that's my wish for you ms. martin.

your one time performance...
rattle his cage without saying anything specific...
leave him wondering..
and salivating
and chomping at the bit....

and if that doesn't work we can always throw in some humphrey bogart and tell him.. "I have a friend you see..."...he's not a nice guy you see if you get my drift...you see..." people who cross him... swim with fishes if you know what I mean..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ARK

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>