I'd like to tell a short story from the standpoint of an outsider who got "caught" into this weird almost love relationship with a
married woman... I also have to tell that this originated on the internet and I seek advice,

Me and that women started talking a month ago and we could talk about a few things like love, values in life, what we like and what have
you.....

But very soon she started to ask my phone number and if she could go out with me to the movies...

Ofcourse from a friends standpoint it is not bad to go out with a married woman but the things I notice is that she always tells me
how she has to rename her contacts on the msn list becuase her husband may not see what she does. Thats the time that I started to have
problems with the whole deal of becomign friendly with her at the cost of her husbands feelings. He says he certainly doesn't like outsiders to chat with her. Maybe she cheated on him befor and he has really grown tired of her chating??

She sends me poems and things that almost look like a declaration of love. I guess the way i chat in public and the way I have been in her
private chat has somehow made her believe I am hopelessly in love ..

THen she started telling me how she cheated with this other guy but he is no longer interesting to her because he can't decide to
leave his wife for "her" This turns into quite a soap opera no ?

That woman tells me time that she wants to leave her husband part because she can't even do what she wants when he's around and another time she blames him from always wokring in the garden when he is home...

I hear cryptic reasons every time from her. He has hurt her too deeply...
She sais that she just says with him because of the kids and you know whats the weird part: is that she says that she'd even leave
them be with him "he would like it all too much" she says.. as if she wants to get rid of them. But then I ask what kind of a mother
would leave her kids like that while having something else she said in minde wich is: "I'd not want to risk my marriage when my
kids are still so small..

Whats gotten into that woman ? Why this obsession with me. Somehow it seems that she actually loves to play that game of making herself a cheating woman on the net. Ofcourse I could understand that something is wrong and maybe for a very long time already. She said
her son is about 8 years old and she said she married to be sure of herself (and I notice some peer pressure too).

Is her fantasy just blowing out of the roof, is it just a 32 year old woman kind of crisis. You hear that alot, they dont know what to do with their life and because she is at home looking after the kids she seeks some friendship. I could live with that but she talks about hugging and making love as if she means to sasy i'd be her making love buddy. Yet I've told her everything that a man in good conciense would say to a married woman but she seems not to want to give up...

Even if I can start to understand that her marriage has cooled of for years.. She has some weird ways of trying to believe someone he has to feel sorry for her.. Or am I too heartless and should I try to be friendly with her and arrange a meeting so , I might talk some sense into her face to face..

One of those reasons that she gives for the failing marriage is that she says the sex with her husband is not interesting because he tries too much (how can too much be bad ?).. if that man is trying his best to please her I wonder why she is telling that to me...

What should I think of it ?

Unfortunately the correct question is why have YOU carrried on this relationship to the extent that she confides in such personal items. Remember the rule of thumb is never tell or listen to a member of the opposite sex about ANYTHING that you would be afraid to say or hear in front of youur spouse

She seems to be a serial cheater, though it is difficult to tell from the information that you have given. She wants you to fill her need for companionsip while her husband supports her financially. Two problems with this. FIrst, you are being drawn into a love triangle. If her husband finds out that you are "seeing" his wife and construes that the relationship is inappropriate he may try to cause you harm. I know that I will beat my WW's OM into a pulp if I ever find him. Second, she is a married woman...enough said. Do you know her husband? It may be a good idea for you to break off contact with her and let the dust settle. Once it does, send a letter to her husband letting him know about his wife's actions. I wish that someone would have done that for me while my WW's affair was in full swing. She will get mad at you for sending such a letter, but it will force her to come to terms with her husband about her past affair(s) and the state of their marriage. Give this some thought.

Well,

There isn't much of an "affair" just yet .. maybe in her mind but certainly not in mine. All that happened happened on the internet and I 3/4th of the conversations we have nowadays are about me trying to ask her why she's dishonest... and she actually avoids those questions with i have to go or starting another subject or asking if I want to lock the door...

I know that I came to a "marriage BUILDERS" site so I guess discussing the fact that this marriage is bad what about that ? If she's filling in emotional needs with me while getting financial support from her husband I certainly have something against that and I'm telling her that time and again but she just seems to determine to cheat with me... even if it's on the internet...

I most certainly don't want to meet with that woman .

I have a visual handicap and am caring for my mom who is sick, I have told her that for many times and you know what her reply is ? "you just search for an excuse not to get with me".. I actually start to resent her that her personality doesn't allow for any reason in this area....

Or she wants a friend or a lover, thats not even clear to me....

well.. I can certainly understand what your coming from if you say you would beat the crap out of someone taking your wife but.. isn't it more a feeling you have if these external influences start saying you are no good and stuff.. I actually try to praise her husband to her. She only chats when he's gone that on its own gnaws at my concienceness..

I don't like it very much especially because she has my cellphone number...

I don't want her to take revenge in some form... so i might be able to become incredibly uninteresting to her.. or just talk friendly a bit without saying that we are going to meet...

<small>[ July 04, 2004, 04:27 AM: Message edited by: Lambda30something ]</small>

A good way to judge whether a "friendship" is appropriate, or not, is to apply the following...

"does she say ANYTHING to you that she either A) would feel uncomfortable saying in front of her husband?, or B) does she say any thing that would make YOU feel uncomfortable if her husband were there with you?, or C) if she is giving you intimate details about her feelings for (or against) her husband, whether sexual, or emotional?

If the answer to any of the above scenarios is yes, then you are participating in a relationship that is inappropriate. You are making a triangle out of a relationship that should rightfully be only a PAIR. If she has problems with her husband, she should be talking to HIM about them.

I would suggest you excuse yourself from this relationship as quickly and efficiently as possible, because it seems inappropriate at first blush, and, you don't want to get caught up in it.

JMHO

SD

Tell her that you have ED and that your plumbing doesn't work anymore. See if she stays interested. Oh, and why can't you just change your cell phone number?

Lol i've done that already and some things but that women is so determined to manipulate me..

she just said stuff like

"if i leave my husband because of you i find that couragous of me , and prooves that I love you"
"you're just scared that my husband will find you and knock you up i think you're a coward"

totally not thinking about my feelings......

Her words speak volumes about her state of mind. Change your cell phone number and IM name and get away from her as fast as you can!

Lambda,

It really sounds like that woman is very emotionally immature. She's playing games and is manipulating you. It really doesn't sound like you are that emotionally tied to her(I may be wrong), so your best bet is to just cut your losses now and call it quits with her. It's not appropriate for the two of you to be spending time together and time talking on the phone when her husband would not surely not approve of it.
It's really not any of your concern why she cheats...I'm sure she could give you a hundred different reasons on a hundred different days as to why she feels compelled to cheat, but it really all boils down to her and her poor choices and lack of integrity.

cue

You sound like you don't even like the woman very much, and neither would I, as a matter of fact. She is a cold and manipulating woman.

Block her from your IM, and get a new cell number. You don't need to tell her why, just do it. She will get the message. If you visit the same chat rooms, don't go there anymore. Change your ID so she can't find you, too.

Oh and if she has your email address, block her from that too.

Now the reasons why she wants to cheat? They don't really have to concern you, but I think cheaters always have reasons that seem logical to them at the time. That everyone else can see the flaws in their arguments makes no difference to them. If they want to cheat, they will, and it could be you or someone else. You don't want to do this, so don't talk to her. You will never get a straight answer out of her, you will never make her feel bad for being deceitful to her X. She is in what we call here a FOG, and nothing can penetrate it, not the thought of divorce, kids, shame, disease, God or morals. It is a lost cause.

My X cheated and is now married to the OW, unhappily I might add. I realised the other day that 'she' could have been anyone...he was ready to cheat and she was there. BUT I have the satisfaction of knowing that when I got with my X all those years ago, he CHOSE me. I wonder if his new wife realises that yet, lol.

Good luck,

Jacky

thx for the answers..

I kinda liked her in the beginning. Surely its not so weird to talk about all kinds of stuff but when she told me she always says different things to her husband when she goes away I had the feeling that I don't want to get caught in that..

Yetsterday I just blocked her off except for the public chatroom we met. ANd i asked her to come out an truly said what she felt for me and she just started about a futile discussion i've had with her on msn.. about the fact that she "by accident" copied and pasted bits of our conversation in her brother in laws's msn window (wos, you really do that by accident now do you)..

that just shows how slippery and manipulative she thinks..

so back on the public chat.. she would just tell stuff that has no meaning at all so i threw it out , telling she d rather leave her husband working for her while she likes to cheat and manipulate online.. a few hours later she came to me and said

"hey I wasn't going to talk to you anymore but when I heard that another girl is going to divorce ...." well basicly she gets in her head that because I was talking to another woman about her marriage (seems lots of these women end up on the chat eh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) ... so , she would just suspect me of not wanting to deal with her anymore because that other woman told her that i've tried to help her out...

K (the woman i'm complaining about) seems to be coming right off the set of bell philip productions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

anyway basicly now she's just writing me as if almost nothing has happened and saying that she does all this effort for me... (but ofcoruse when her hubby is home you don't hear from her)...

I'm even going to show this thread to her and unveil a cool tidbit of info her that she shouldn't have sent me all those .doc poems because I know the name of her husband and where he lives:)....

hopefully that'll scare her off:)

You are still playing her game.

Poof! Just dissapear! Move on with your life. You have NOTHING to gain by any further engagement with this woman. NOTHING!

Change your identity, your e-mail address, your cell phone number and LET IT GO! You have no idea how destructive it might become to remain engaged in ANY contact with this person.

IMHO

SD