I asked - uh, calmly demanded - that H help his female assistant find another job. My gut tells me they're in a long term A, but I have no solid proof. After posting here, I realize I jumped the gun. my first post

Now I need to back down, let him know that it's not necessary for her to go now. What's the best way to phrase my change of mind? Is there something I can say that will make him look at the relationship (he's in denial) and ask himself a few questions? I'm working on Plan A.

If I were to say something like, "maybe I was wrong...if there's nothing for me to be concerned about then I shouldn't ask you to let her go" might that at least start him thinking about what he's doing?

Today I was able to work with her and interact fairly normally. I wasn't sure I could do that but now I know I can.

I'm new at this Plan A way of thinking and can use a LOT of help...

I wouldn't say anything, because I suspect you will be telling him to ask her to leave real soon here, once you get some solid evidence of an affair.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is there something I can say that will make him look at the relationship (he's in denial) and ask himself a few questions? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He knows what is happening in the relationship and doesnt' need to ask himself any questions. He may be covering it up to YOU, but he is not in denial. He is in DECEIT, most likely.

No biggie, haywire, but I just did a double take, seeing in your first post you've been married 29 years, but your sig line says married in 2000! A correction may help you avoid misguided questions. At least you're smart enough to know how to do the sig line, not like lazy 'ol me!

Anyway, the boards are likely to be very slow through tonight and tomorrow. So don't be alarmed if you post and replies are scarce.

I'm trying to wean myself from these (very addictive) forums, and you can see how successful I've been. I figured since I was working a pretty dull and boring event, and had to be here anyway, I'd "fill in" for those who are having a real Holiday.

Best wishes in your quest. I'll peek in from time to time to see how you are doing. Have a great 4th!

SD

MelodyLane, you're probably right, now he needs to face the deceit.

SD - LOL -- I didn't even know I had a signature line! We were married in '75! Guess I'd better figure out how to fix that line!

Please forgive me for jumping in where I probably don't belong.

But, speaking as a WW, everything in me says he is actively in an A. Why would you want to back down on asking her to find another job?

Is it because you now question if they are having an A or do you just wantto do Plan A knowing this is going on?

Please know I am not trying to offend. I hate where I am now, but I can honestly say I recognize from your first post that this is an A. He is just deceiving you.

I am not trying to make this harder on you. Just hoping to save you some time when it comes to figuring out what is really going on.
Pam

<small>[ July 04, 2004, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: runawaypot ]</small>

Sorry haywire.

I just saw your other thread. It looks like you are receiving good advice.

Best wishes to you,

Pam

Thanks Pam, I appreciate your input. Now that I know I should NOT back down I'll stay on this path and see where it leads.