Hi everyone i am so angry this morning, for those of you who don't know my story here is a run down, my H is cheating still after i confronted him, i am now in Plan A.

Things are actually going fine, i have not LBed for one whole week, and it actually seems to be working cause we went out on Friday night, first time in a long time, he calls me often and seems genueinly happy to be around this new me.

My problem is that i find it really frustrating to always be in a good mood, why should i have to put up a good face when it seems that it is not enough to make him leave, and if he loves me and the children as he says he does then why is he trying to desttroy us?

that is what is making me so very angry. All these WHY WHY WHY"s it just does not seem fair at all.

__________
M 4years
Daughter 8 Years
Son will be 8 months tomorrow
My age 32
his age 34
OW's age 48
A been off and on for at least 2 years

Sindy, why are you pretending to be in a good mood? Plan A is about ceasing all lovebusters and trying to meet the others needs, while doing EVERYTHING to end the affair. While you need to control your temper, you don't have to pretend to be in a good mood.

What are you doing to end the affair? Have you exposed it?

Melody

Everyone seems to know aout it , His Mom, my Parents, my sister and everyone on my tiny island.

Maybe i don't know whatto do to try to end it can you help me please.

Have you talked to the OW's pastor at church? Is she married? What about her family?

Melody

She only has a 12 year old daughter here and i am not about to get a child involved in this.

As for her priest i just don't know. I mean there was a rime when she would call my MIL's hous ewhen she knew that my H was there, caliming to be his friend, but as soon as my MIL found ou the truth she put an end to it. I just feel so lost right now.

I keep telling myself that this will all come to an end soon but sometimes it is hard to believe.

Things aren't really that bad these days it's just that i want the A to end so that we can have our lives back.

We are right now in the process of buying a property for us to build our home, that treansaction is going on as we speak so he is still there tryingas a family. This is just tooooooo much for me to handle.

Melody

She only has a 12 year old daughter here and i am not about to get a child involved in this.

As for her priest i just don't know. I mean there was a rime when she would call my MIL's hous ewhen she knew that my H was there, caliming to be his friend, but as soon as my MIL found ou the truth she put an end to it. I just feel so lost right now.

I keep telling myself that this will all come to an end soon but sometimes it is hard to believe.

Things aren't really that bad these days it's just that i want the A to end so that we can have our lives back.

We are right now in the process of buying a property for us to build our home, that treansaction is going on as we speak so he is still there tryingas a family. This is just tooooooo much for me to handle.

Get professional help! Find a pro-marriage therapist, get in a support group (this board is great!), and read, read read. Also pray. This could take a long time. Every time you confront, pursue or demand, however, guarantees more time in this drama. You then need resources that will help you follow this path with the calm certainty you WILL overcome. Go to the "In Recovery" part in this board to get ideas from folks who have at least ended the A (the real work comes after, believe it or not). Also Ark and Orchid are masters at this (successful as well) seek them out.

My prayers to you.

dlc

Sindy, I wouldn't suggest that you talk to her daughter, but I would suggest that you talk to her priest right away. Ask for his help in ending the affair. The more exposed the affair, the less able it is to survive. Exposure brings great conflict into the affair and makes it very uncomfortable.

In addition to exposure, you also want to confront, without lovebusters, at every opportunity. Plan A is NOT about making the WS comfortable, but about making it UNCOMFORTABLE for them to carry on the affair. You should be doing everything in your power to END the affair in Plan A.

Here a couple of good threads about Plan A:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=020829#000000

Here is a post from MB coach, Penny Tupy, about Plan A:

Plan A is not (repeat NOT) about making the WS happy, or feeling good.

Plan A is NOT, contrary to popular (and very incorrect opinion), about "making yourself a better person," or "working on yourself."

Plan A is ALL ABOUT the straying spouse. In Willard Harely's ever brilliant words, Plan A is a stategy to end the affair and to entice the straying spouse to reconsider the marriage.

So, it has several elements that should be done at the same time.

First is to eliminate LBers and to meet needs as best you can... recognizing that the unfaithful mate may not allow the betrayed partner to meet needs.

Second is to CONFRONT the unfaithful partner with what you know. Doing so (of course) in a way that is respectful and about you... how you feel, how you are affected by the affair.

Third is to expose the affair to the scrutiny of the world. The lover's spouse or s/o, coworkers, family, friends, church family, children, etc.

ALL OF THAT is Plan A. And it should be done as much as possible simultaneously. (If you don't believe me call the radio show Mondays and Thursdays at 1pm Central Time and ask Dr. Harley for yourself.)

Plan A must have a deadline. It's called Plan "A" because there is a second step... aptly named Plan "B." Willard Harley suggests a max of 6 months for men and 3 months for women before going to the next step. If Plan A hasn't worked in that time, it's not going to.

(I challenge you to find anyone who has done Plan A longer than that and been successful. I define successful as the A ending, n/c promised and verified, and the couple working a good recovery plan which includes meeting needs, eliminating LBers, getting in 15 hours a week of UAT, and most importantly following POJA.)

Is she married?