WH and I decided to spend the day together with
DD. Things have not been great lately because he is very conflicted about where he wants to be. We were by the pool having a few drinks when he tells me that he spoke to OW and told her that he wanted to be with me. We were talking well and enjoying DD, even laughing about OW and things when it came out that I had told his mother about the A. I thought he knew I had told his family. Well he flipped out. Screamed at me.Told me that I hated his mother (we had a distant relationship for a while until birth of our DD, but I never hated her), until I needed her. Then when I saw the opportunity to use someone that I did. I used his mother and told her all my problems and that I turned her against him. He screamed that he hated me and this would never work. He didn't want our M and if it wasn't for our DD he would have been gone long ago. ( I know this to be the truth) Anyway he told me to go to hell that I was a bi$$$ that he could never love and left.
I know that telling family is the best way to end the A. I thought he knew I had already said. He said that he will never tell his mother anything. Do you think I could of hurt their R. Did I screw up him coming back?

H and I decided to stay away from each other for a while. We decided to spend today together and then go to Plan B. I felt pretty good about things. We had a great weekend and I wanted to leave things on a positive note, then I simply said a simple truth and I feel I might have turned him against me.

JM=L,

No you didn't screw up. What this piece of news did was show you that he isn't ready yet. Why? Because now you have closed another avenue of enabling the A. His family.

Consider this as a revelation of sorts. Let him go stomp off. Mine did. I learned to to tell him that it was what I needed to do and if he didnt' like it, well he could leave and that would show me his previous nice words were just that words, with no meaning. Then I (lb'd a bit) and told him that he was turning into a man who didn't mean what he said.

So don't let him temper tantrum make you feel guilty. Be glad you saw that reaction before you invested more time.

I am sorry for your hurt but it would have hurt more if he strung you farther down the road and then you found this out.

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jmislost:
<strong> H and I decided to stay away from each other for a while. We decided to spend today together and then go to Plan B. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JM, you didn't tell him about Plan B, did you? Its really important to spring this on him unawares.

And you did the right thing about telling his M. You should tell anyone who is central in his life. He might be mad, but exposing it helps hasten its end.

i didn't tell him about Plan B. He actually brought it up saying that maybe he needed time away from me. He said he had time away from OW and missed her and he wanted to see what it was like to be away from me. (sick huh?) He said that when he is with me he isn't happy because he wants to be there. But when he is with her he feels guilty and can't enjoy himself. He said he knows the right thing is to try us, but he doesn't have feelings of love for me and isn't sure how to get over the feelings he has for her. It sounds like a good thing that he is feeling this guilt. Am I right?

JM, it sounds to me like he is getting his needs met in both places, but he keeps coming back because the OW can't meet his needs. That is why I think this is an ideal situation for Plan B.

However, you are going to have to really do it in order for it to be effective. It won't do anything if he is allowed to pop in whenever the spirit moves him to get a "JM" fix. Total darkness is all that will work, with an intermediary who will handle visitations. And I think the visitation set up will be key in ruining his good time. He needs to see how bad it will really be if you are ever divorced.