Hello,

I am new here...it's 3AM and once again, I can't sleep. It's been 3 months since my husband confessed that he's in love with another woman he met via the internet. She has refused his offer to come together and wants to work on her marriage but he can not get over her...he tries but he just can't...he says he loves me and wants to work on our marriage but he can't get over her. He now wants to talk to her one last time and hear once again...make sure she really meant it...

Am I a pitiful fool to still love him? Does the pain ever go away? I don't think I will survive this...it hurts so bad...

Welcome to marriage builders. I'm glad you have found us. It is very miserable when you first find out, and hard to go through alone.

The marriagebuilders program says you should start in Plan A. You can read all about it on the link in my signature line.

I am very optimistic about your marriage, since your husband says he still loves you. Most give the old "love you but not in love with you" line.

As you read here, you will see that they all act and say the same. Your husband is living a fantasy, and is infatuated. But he does not realize this.

So now you can start filling his emotional needs. Then he will be back in love and committed to you. It may take some time, but please have hope.

Most of us have been through the "can't sleep" phase, so we know how you feel. Stick with us, we'll help you through this.

I feel your pain lady and I understand. I'm not up cuz I like watching old repeats of "The X Files" lol I'm up because my wife hasn't severed ties with the OM which was a condition of our reconciliation.

I think there is some gleaming hope for your M!!
One because as Believer stated your H proclaims that he loves you. Two, because it sounds like he's just going thru withdrawal from his fantasy. Just continue to hang in there and get support from people who love you, relatives, pastor, positive material...NO ONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX PLEASE.

Believe me your H will come out of the fog and probably love you more than ever. I just have a hunch based on what you wrote that he's starting to realize that you are his love. Try stepping back from the situation and seeing it for what it is. I know its difficult and painful but I think you M will be fine.

Good luck!

Thanks for your encouragement...I will try to sleep now...have to get thru my day at work tomorrow somehow... he plans to call her tomorrow and see if she still feels the same about not wanting to be with him so we will see...I have been trying to be understanding and caring...tried to go back to all three of us being just friends again...trying to help him see his way out of this but sometimes all I can do is cry...I want to be strong but I feel so destroyed...


Thanks again for being there <brushes more tears away as she heads for bed>

It infuriates me that he needs to hear her voice again or hear her say she doesnt want him...
I know this makes you feel inadequate. Why do we do such mean things to the people we supposedly love???

Hang in there Deb, I dont think he's going anywhere, but I do think he's gotta lot of reconciling to do with you...the nerve of this guy!

Sorry I'm not a therapist I'm just a H going thru the ringer with his W and M. I feel your pain.
Plan A is a good step for you...look for believer's signature there's a link posted there.

Take Care