I don't post much anymore, so here's the quick & dirty version of my history:

11/02 D-day--H confesses affair w/ friend/coworker after a couple weeks of me trying to get him to admit it.

Standard story from him--ILYBINILWY, don't know what I want, blah, blah, blah.

End of Dec., he hops off the fence and we start working on things.

Within a couple months OW was no longer a coworker.

I thought everything was ok.

Yesterday I was playing with a smiley program that H downloaded (thank God it wasn't infested--I had warned him about that stuff, but he's a typical man). Anyway, there's a place on there that shows the smileys used in the past week, and there were ones that said "I love you" that he did not send to me. At first he tried to say he didn't send them or it must've happened when he was looking at them. I told him he was full of $h!t. He told me last night he sent them, told me who he sent them to (online friend that lives in Australia).

He said he didn't mean it, he doesn't have any feelings like that for her, blah, blah, blah (sounded like another load of bull to me). He apologized and said that if it would make me feel better he would not go on the computer anymore. I said no, I don't expect that, but if he does it, it's totally up to him. I don't have a problem with him being online, but this was just completely inappropriate.

Anyway, long story short, I found a free keylogger program and installed it today. I checked it out; it works. I really hope that he doesn't screw up (again). I really did think things were fine between us. If he does screw up, I probably won't move out, but the dynamics of our relationship will change drastically. Did I mention that I'm almost 5 months pregnant? Men can be such ****heads.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Oh, I'm so sorry if I wasn't supposed to put that in the title. I've never considered that a dirty word. I'm sorry--honestly didn't mean to offend anyone.

To coin a phrase I use frequently:

"WHAT'S UP WITH THAT??"

Luvbird,

Your WH has been caught in an inappropriate online communication and he says he didn't mean it.Hmmm.Who knows what else is going on.

You know,sometimes I really wish that we weren't so interactive with each other these days.I long for the days when all you needed was a phone at your house.Everyone everywhere is online,calling each other on cell phones,beepers,pagers,telephones and there is a limitless ability to deceive.

My WH is so addicted to his computer it's a wonder he gets any work done at his job.When he is done at work,he says he plays online games for 2-3 hours before bedtime.What a life.This is what the homewrecker gets.LOL.I'll have the last laugh.

Well,it's not the end of the world but do you think that this e-mailing is all there is? It's not very comforting to know that your WH is doing this and you are pregnant too.Maybe he needs some activities planned to keep him busy so he isn't feeling the need to be online talking to people he shouldn't be.Ugh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

Hey O,

I don't think anything else is going on. I go with my gut when it comes to him--it hasn't steered me wrong yet. And he's still accountable for any time spent away from home. I don't even ask, it's just automatic now.

I REALLY hate having to snoop. But I'd hate being caught off-guard even more. I didn't know there were any free keyloggers until yesterday--the one I have seems to be doing it's job. Luckily, H is not very computer savvy, so I'm not too worried about him finding it. I just hate having to do this. I hate that he gave me a reason to do it. I guess I'm just in a b****ing and whining mood.

Luvbird,

You go right ahead and b**** and whine,you're entitled here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I hope you don't find out anything more damaging on the comp.You have enough to worry about with the baby on the way.I'll say a prayer for you that your WH is a good boy.

O

Thanks so much O.

So far so good with the keylogging. He's been telling me everyone that he talks to and everything that was said and so far he's telling the truth (it's only been 2 days though).

I wrote him a letter yesterday. I'm not going to post the whole thing, but in essence it said in really nice words--you hurt me really badly; leave me alone. I did reassure him that I'm not leaving and I still love him, but I'm really not a happy camper and I need him to stay off my back for now (the letter said it much more kindly, I swear). I'm fairly certain it hurt his feelings, but it also alerted him to the seriousness of the situation. He was really sweet and affectionate today, so we'll see how things go.

I think I'm out of the b****y whiny mood for now--I spent most of last night (while H was at work) downloading songs that make me cry, and I feel better now (if that makes any sense--lol).

Hey girl , I haven't been on in awhile, and I don't know if you copyed my e-mail the last time ,I haven't checke that either H been keeping me busy with paper work ...

SO not happy to here this update from you.

I agree with the way your handling this ,, spy ware to protect your A$$ ...I know hate having to do it at all ... but going with a GUT and knowing him best is the right road.

YOu are very down to earth and understanding what the processes is and was like ,,, you know how to handle him and any situation that comes along alot better ... NOt that you ever handled it wrong to begin with LOL

YOUR the staight shooter type (no wonder why we get along LOL )

Well please please dont dwell ,,, and I know with the baby emotions taking over your body like an alien you may have a slight chance of snaping OUT LOL ,,, so just stay calm

I will be around if I can ... be well . I am thinking of ya .

3!!! How are ya? I sent you an email before this mess happened because I hadn't seen you on the board lately--check your email once in a while!

Well he had a talk with the internet chick about what was said before, that it was inappropriate. He told me he was going to. He didn't word it exactly like I wanted him to, but I'm not going to dwell on that--it's done, and he was honest about it--that's what matters. Something else that happened today--I caved. Kids are at my mom's for the weekend, H and I went out to lunch. I held his hand in the car--I didn't realize it would have the effect it did on him--I thought he was going to cry. We came home and got it on (and it was terrific! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

I'm not getting rid of the spyware though. I'm too nosy, I want to make sure that everything is really ok, and I don't want any surprises.

Happier news--I have an appointment for an ultrasound next week. Hopefully we'll be able to tell if we're having a boy or a girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Luvbird,

I am having the same problem with my H on the internet. I just found out he has been calling OW from his buddy list. Can you tell me where you got the free spyware so that I can track what my H is doing? I would really appreciate it. I just hope my H doesn't turn this into an EA or even a PA, it would be heart-breaking. I hope you can help me.

I hope everything works out for you. Be strong!

OK OK don't get so loud LOL I will check e-mail soon H is logged on downloading movies under his screen names so I can't switch .

OK and your GETTING ON MORE PREGNANT then I am !

Did you read this e-mail he wrote? and I don't understand why did he any way ? was it a goof thing? I can get that my H for a long time will do those chat while he plays poker or gammon , but only in front of me , he does it for a joke he thinks its funny that some women are there to CATCH a RAP .... OH we fought about it but he calls me over when it happens always did thats his personlity .

So was it like that ? or was he board ? am I asking to much ? LOL And like I said before I would do the snoop as well just to know where ya stand .

I can't hook nothing up to this PC H is very computer savy he has all high tech spy $hit on here and if ya try to load anything the system lets him know a different spy ware is installed ..

I don't rally care I do nothing wrong . and as far as him well I told ya I am at that man it won't ever get me like it got me the first time .

I had my break down ,,, if ever again I would get even and just ruin lives LOL

OK - I want to here about the ultrasound next week ....HEALTH is the first and most important thing ,,, but I am keepin crossed for BOY ..IS that ok ???

chat tomorrow ! got to jet women ... SMILE and KEEP IT UP if ya know what I mean <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> LOL

I got it from this site--
perfect keylogger

This one is not as well hidden as the ones you pay for (something to consider, depending on how pc literate your H is), but it does the job well. It will show up in program files, but not the ctrl+alt+del menu. There is also a file (the installer?) that you can name what you want and put in a document folder (mine is in "birth pictures", something H would have absolutely no desire to open!). It records every keystroke made, email, IM, all that good stuff. Oh yeah, one more thing--when you start the program, there is an option to set a hotkey to bring up and hide the icon in the system tray. If you use it, don't forget to hide the icon when you're not viewing the log! You can also set a password for log viewing. The only downside is you only get one end of conversations on IM, but it's usually enough to know what's going on. It also records user names and passwords, so you'll know if he has a secret email account or IM id.

Hope that helps, and I hope that things get better for you. It is heartbreaking that things like this happen, but IMO it's better to know for sure than to have to wonder about it.

3eeeeeeeeeeeeee! (long drawn out whine) Why ya gotta post & run?? LOL!

I really don't know why he did it. I know what he told me--that she sent them first, he sent them back, didn't mean it in "that" way--but I felt like that was bs.

I guess I do have one advantage--H doesn't know squat about computers--lol! I taught him everything he knows (and I'm no pc genius), and one thing I'll never teach him is how to look for spyware!

Oh, and what do you mean MORE pregnant??? Did I miss something???

Already had one ultrasound, and doc said baby looked good. I changed Drs. because the first one was a total jerk. My new sweet, wonderful doc is doing another one next Friday. They're going to put it on video, and I'm going to try to figure out if I can transfer the video to mpeg or at least get some stills--gotta get an early start on bugging everybody with baby pics!

"Keep it up" ROFL! I plan to! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />