Yes I was wondering how to start plan A. My WW has been with OM for 5 months. I gave the Dobson letter on April 6, 2004.D-Day 01/23/04. We have 10 yr old D. Which I have all the time lately. I drop her off on the way to work and pick her up on the way home.........I speak to WW if she calls me which is atleast 2 or more times a day (not on weekends.OM is home.) OM does not know we talk. WW told me last week that she is in love with OM. She cares for me because of D and feels sorry for me and she feels guilty for what she did to me....... She has been comunicating with me since 2 days after letter. We have met for the kids programs ect. ( OM did not know) She came up for dinner 3 weeks ago to help me with windows and so I can teach her how to use Quickbooks on the PC.( OM did not know.)That we went to C for D together twice ( OM did not know) She lied to a person for a job and told them she knew how to use Quick books.Who is
OM land lord across the street...owns his own masonary Business........then 2 weeks ago all HE#$% breaks loose.I called WW in the morning to get D for church (The one nite D stayed with mom in June )WW told me " I wish you people would stop calling me". I said." my name is Frank not you people.She said" I know what I got to do".and hung up.....( my Daughter heard the call and heard her mom say in front of OM "and stop Fuc#%$#% calling here.......Which I had already hung up.......For him.


That after noon I got the mail and WW last check from working at school was in there. Well I call WW to tell her I had her last check. when she answered I said Hi Mrs. (his last name) and asked how her new mother in law is doing....She was pissed I told her about check and she wanted me to run it down. I told her I had company and she can come up to get it....and hung up......Well I thought about it and called her back to tell her I would drop it off the next morning.......OM answered the phone and we had a phone fight. OM told me that I brain washed D because she don't want to go down there.Called me a fag and a couple other words. I asked him how I tasted......... I told him He let another mans wife move into his house....So after that I realized how I dropped to his level...NO more.....She is not allowed to have contact with me.....even though we have a D together........Real Mature!!!!!


We did not speak for 3 day and she called me at 10:30 pm that wends. nite and we had a discussion about us and we both apoligize for what we said........The next day 24th of june I find out that OM's Mother is visiting a friend that I have been confineing in out west ( they drove out there, we live in the east.) Vacation ( that is how we met OM and family)sorriest day of my life........Female Friend told me to call she has something I should know about what OM's mom said about me......When WW called on thursday the 25th I told her about what I heard and she was worried.......I was suppose to call FF on friday when OM's family left....WW called me 5 times that Friday twice from work once from OM's moms house (feedind the animals )at 11:00 pm and once at 12:10 am from OM's house.well FF friend called and told me that she told OM's mom about all the contact we were having. (me and WW )and OM's mom did not believe her.....but she heard it!!!!!!!!!1111 OM's mom told FFriend that she was just doing that to get Frank and WW back together........so we would drive out there to see them.......My WW was scared ....but OM's mom did not say anything,when she got back sunday morning......(that we know).....WW call saturday morning and I told her what was said and WW was pissed at me for telling FFriend everthing and that I should not talk to her .......My C thinks that it was not that bad that it might have helped my Situation......Even if OM's mom don't tell she still knows........sorry so long got to get it out.........this past week my mother calls and asked WW how she feels about me and if we will ever work it out.....she told WW that she was tired of hearing WW name and she wants to know.......June 30th...WW wife told mom that she is in love with other man and that I need to get over it.She told mom that she felt sorry for what she done to me and that she feels guilty for what she has done( thats why she meets and talks to me).....But she will never come back to me even if she left OM....I called D after mom called me to tell me to get over WW and what was said and WW answered the phone and told me that D was slepping......I ask WW if my mom called and she started talking real fast telling what all was said ,leaving out parts about that would hurt me...I told WW that I know that it is over.....And acted (as if).....I asked about us splitting the divorce and she said she would but could not afford it, I said neither could I......she that was fine WW called again on thurs , and friday to ask stupid questions (OM not home) I dropped D off saturday to get her hair done ( not good at that)and WW took D to get a pair of sneakers and I pitched in $20.00 and we met where OM could not see us ...Sunday WW called to speak to D and we talked for 10 minutes about stupid stuff.... no contact monday at all......she did not call D or D her......Well this morning I dropped D before work and as I was driving off when I seen The cat that my WW took with her the day she left
lying dead in the middle of the road........I stopped ( they live 15" off the road)I called WW and D answered and I told D to let me speak to her mom.....I heard WW tell D that she was sleeping.I told D that it was important. when WW got on phone I procided to tell her that our cat was in the middle of the road Dead.well I picked up cat and buried it in OM's back yard......WW told me to leave and to get off the fuc$#@ OFF her land ...LOL.....She would do it ....I did it anyway she was afraid someone would see me there..... wELL SHE CALLED me back at (11:30 to thank me and to tell me she was sorry for what she said.......OM got home early at 11:00am and D told me he acted like he did not care..He waS PISSED BECAUCE WW told him I put the cat back there........She said she buried the cat.....Then WW fixed OM a sandwich and he didnot even want it......WW is so stupid............


Now back to that question at hand how should I start plan A and what do I say to WW sabout the contract?????????? sorry so long.....

D-Day 01/23/04
Me BS 40
Her WS 28
10 yr old D
Want to reconcile

Dude, I don't even have ADD and I think I missed some of your post. You are like so many of us in the beginning. Every second and every encounter is of ultra importance. Take a deep breath. We've all been there. At least us BS's.

Start Plan Aing by not LBing anymore. If you are not sure what that entails read the main portion of this site it is wonderful. Plan A by being kind,loving and the best you you can be. Burying the cat without the comments would be a good example. Trust me, plan A can work but the giver in you must be in control and the taker must not surface.

You've come to the right place. Without MB'ers my marriage would be over. Read read read on the main part of this site it will help make sense out of the senseless, then come here to vent and get support.

Hang in there and always remember IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Start in Plan A, you can read all about it on the link in my signature line.

Also check out Ark's post on this forum. She explains what to do very well.

Stop contacting wife at OM's house. You do not need the disrespect. That is very harmful for you. I do not see this A as lasting as OM sounds very insecure.

Stick with us, and we will help you through this.

Where do I find Ark's post ??????????

I'll bump it up to the top. She is an expert.

Thank you believer Thanks alot......10 yr old was crying when I picked her up ......WW and her gf's were out side when I pulled up. D said she over heard mom telling gf's that they had sex for 2 hrs last night........D was upset .I told D that she should not be listning to mommy's conversations. I think that was wrong for what she said..I think she does it so it will get back to me.........AS IF I care.......Only two hours...........

Your wife seems to be a cake eater to me. She wants you when she needs your help, but wants you to get lost when she doesn't. The OM is obviously an insecure control freak. I would stop helping her to the degree that you have been, bailing her out so to speak. Let the OM step to the plate and take over the full role of supporting your wife. Let him teach her how to use Quickbooks and bury his own cat. Be strong and confident and do not be overly needy. A good Plan-A entails making yourself look more appealing to the WS than the OM does. It does not mean being "on-call" for your WW 24/7.

I agree with that........I should tell her when she calls that I am busy.???????

Let the answering machine pick up, and get your life moving. Get busy changing yourself, and going out and doing things.

Affairs are built on fantasy and lies, nothing more. When she began the affair the burdens of everyday life were not a part of her relationship with the OM, as in bills, kids and having to share a living space on a 24/7 basis. She needs to see that the OM has issues and is not the prince chanrming that he initially presented himself as. Don't help her to obtain/maintain employment, as that is not your problem at the moment. Stay busy and present an image of confidence when you are talking to your WW. Most affairs last about six months or less once they are exposed. Let the house of cards come down!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by frankd:
<strong> Thank you believer Thanks alot......10 yr old was crying when I picked her up ......WW and her gf's were out side when I pulled up. D said she over heard mom telling gf's that they had sex for 2 hrs last night........D was upset .I told D that she should not be listning to mommy's conversations. I think that was wrong for what she said..I think she does it so it will get back to me.........AS IF I care.......Only two hours........... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like a wonderful environment for your daughter! A married mother who is shacking up and screwing some 25 year old and then brags about it in front of her 8 year old! What an education she is getting all up front and close. I guess it is a good thing they don't want to take her to porn shows!

Frank, does the welfare of your daughter ever enter into the picture at all? Do you think this is a good environment for your daughter to be injected into? This is now little girls end up molested.