I don't know about all of you, but I feel that the term "having an affair" does not adequately convey the emotional pain and distress that it defines. It almost makes sleeping with OM/OW sound like buying a new shirt or ordering food. It does not seem to imply how inappropriate the act of having a physical/mental relationship outside of marriage is. What do you feel would be a more appropriate term for a WS's association, mental or physical, with the OM/OW?

Let me throw one out there: Other than the obvious "Being an a**hole" how about "Inappropriate Relationship"?

I think you're being a little too pc (politically correct).

If you want a more 'derogatory' term, I believe MadMax always refers to it as Adultery when she has the chance.

I think each situation is different, sometimes the shoe fits, sometimes it doesn't.

To each his/her own.

Whatever you chose to label it, having an affair, cheating on your spouse is a very selfish act. It not only destroys you marriage but your dignity. Cheating is very immature and a desperate means to acquire things or fill needs that you should allow your mate to provide.

The fact a WS usually doesn't want to divorce or separate until they are having A goes to prove they don't have a firm grip on reality or responsiblity.

Cheaters hurt themselves and everyone involved and they should be publicly flogged for their rudeness lol

Or ridiculed by clowns and mimes and deprived of sleep for a term of time that equals the length of their A times 6.

lolololooloololoolololololololol

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mfisher1967:
<strong> I don't know about all of you, but I feel that the term "having an affair" does not adequately convey the emotional pain and distress that it defines.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi MF,

I dunno - I'm only 5 weeks past D-Day, and to me, "Affair" still sends chills down my spine.

It's rather all encompassing for a term, and in my view, I sense (perhaps erroneously?) you are describing the betrayal aspect of the affair or inappropriate relationship and trying to get that particuliar meaning more into the term?

In my case, there is plenty of betrayal with the As, but there are also tons of other things (ENs not being met all over the place) that wrap well into the root cause of the A. To me, the betrayal is only one aspect - albeit a VERY hurtful one.

That's where I am at least.

I just finished Harley's "Surviving an Affair" book today (I couldn't have read it any faster). It (and the MBB) have helped me get MY head on straight - at least for right now. For me internalizing the FACT that the As happened and nothing I can do can change the PAST was a big personal realization. This really has helped me as of late.

FWW and I are working on finding and taking the lessons from why these As happened (we have quite a bit to work with already) and are focused on working on the now/tomorrow.

Don't get me wrong. My M needs plenty of repair. Not only but a few days ago - we hit absolute rock bottom.

The past 5 days, it's actually exciting to see each baby step and certainly has me busy in intraspection. My M doesn't need me marinating in the past. Just as importantly, I don't need me marinating in the past either.

My $.02 - I apologize if I rambled or made any poor assumptions....

_S

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mfisher1967:
<strong> I don't know about all of you, but I feel that the term "having an affair" does not adequately convey .....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, I prefer the term "two pigs rutting in the pig pen," but it is too long to type! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

LOL....two pigs rutting fits it to a tee.

ML

Come on girl tell us how you really feel....I sense you are holding back!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Actually, I prefer the term "two pigs rutting in the pig pen," but it is too long to type! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Way2funny! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm a FWW and I agree that "having an affair" is too romantic sounding. It's like "An Affair to Remember" or some such movie. It is what it is...it's adultery. Nothing glamorous or romantic about calling a kettle black.

M

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by stunned-dad-fast recovering:
<strong> ML

Come on girl tell us how you really feel....I sense you are holding back!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will try harder to be more forthright in the future, SD! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I would say torture but that's already been used hasn't it?

I agree that an AFFAIR sounds way to glamorized or romanticized to me.I use the term ADULTERY too whenever possible.There's nothing special about adultery,it is ugly in every sense of the word.

O