Help!

Mediation (custody) starts next week. I'm in a no-fault state and DON'T want anything to do with a D! My W is in the fog and OM gave her the "Him or Me" speech.

Any more Ideas you have to stonewall, sandbag, or otherwise slow down this thing while I plan A?

My plan is at this link:

Marriage Saving Plan

The rest of my story is here:

Asking Masters for Help

What Would YOU Do?

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 04:14 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

Anyone?

<small>[ July 07, 2004, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

bmp

Hi DLC,

If you don't want a D then don't go to Mediation.Make her work for her D.Follow the 180 degree divorce busting list instead of plan a now.It's lying around here somwhere.Hopefully someone will post a link for you.

However,if you do not want to lose rights to anything and everything,at some point you may have to show.In my state,my WH could forfeit all rights if he fails to show up at court or take the mandatory Family classes needed to proceed with a D.

You might get better responses from those on the D/D board up top.

O

Thanks!

My state (FL) would put me in contempt of court if I don't show. However, I can NOT negotiate anything, which forces this issue to trial. This is what I plan to do.

<small>[ July 08, 2004, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

How is the 180 plan different from Plan A? Why should I change to it becase of the D? Is it more urgent or radical (although being nice to someone who's jacking you is pretty radical IMO).

Found it! the following is the Divorce Busting 180 plan:

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow her around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't wait on your spouse – get busy, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, be scarce or short on words
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on parts of your life that are not in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.

This is not the Divorce Busting 180 plan.
This is simply a list of things to consider doing a "180" on. The "list" is a very small part of the entire Divorce Busting plan.

"If you are doing something AND it is getting positive results, you should continue to do it.

If you are doing something and getting negative results, then do the opposite. This is a 180."
(Michele Weiner-Davis)

Thanks Chris, that makes sense!

bmp

Those few folks who know my plans are pretty nervous of a bad reaction from W and her family. How does one get support for such a radical approach to saving his family?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dleightonc:
Those few folks who know my plans are pretty nervous of a bad reaction from W and her family. How does one get support for such a radical approach to saving his family?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If they're not on this site, they don't understand. It seems counter-productive to what you want to do, it doesn't feel like what you SHOULD be doing.

WE'RE here to support you, cause we've all seen positive results.

Quit talking about it to any- and everybody. Somebody's gonna tip her off. JUST DO IT!

It is the "right thing" for this situation.

God Bless,

Edited to add:
BTW - these are the SAME folks who'll come back around later telling you what a fine job you did, and how they "admire" what you did, and (this is important to note: "they couldn't have done what you did......."

REMEMBER THAT. They've got NOTHING better to offer in the way of advice for turning this thing around and ending her A.

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

I agree with Lupo...people so DO NOT GET THIS WHOLE THING!!! They just don't. So, just do it!

Thanks, I needed that! Tipping would be a bad thing I suppose. I feel like a international agent, trying to steal my M back... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

bmp