Does he have a cell phone? If he does, send him some text messages. If not, drop him a little note of your own. Put it somewhere where he'll find it. Don't talk about her, don't ask him any questions. Write to him about some really nasty (sexual) things that you'd like to do to him. If he's rude about it, play it off as a joke and tell him you were just kidding between 2 old friends, if he tries to see if you're serious, then flirt with him, don't commit to anything & let him think maybe, but not exactly. You'll turn his head. It may take a little while, but if you'll keep it up, if he still has interest in you, it'll turn his head. He sounds a lot like my husband. Mine has low self-esteem & the OW made him feel really pumped up. I have always done that for him too, but she's new & I'm not. He was kind of shocked at the things that I texted to him & he was very intrigued. I didn't just give it up to him, but I had him going. Try it. Just remember don't throw anything up at him. This is a flirtation game to see if he's still interested in what you have to offer. I'll bet he is. If he had no interest, he'd never come near you. He's a man and if he's dating someone that young, it's all about SEX. There's only one way to combat that & that's find a way to make him notice you again. You can make him twisted. I'm not talking about anything really bad, just whatever you're comfortable with. I mean, he is your husband.

Does he have a cell phone? If he does, send him some text messages. If not, drop him a little note of your own. Put it somewhere where he'll find it. Don't talk about her, don't ask him any questions. Write to him about some really nasty (sexual) things that you'd like to do to him. If he's rude about it, play it off as a joke and tell him you were just kidding between 2 old friends, if he tries to see if you're serious, then flirt with him, don't commit to anything & let him think maybe, but not exactly. You'll turn his head. It may take a little while, but if you'll keep it up, if he still has interest in you, it'll turn his head. He sounds a lot like my husband. Mine has low self-esteem & the OW made him feel really pumped up. I have always done that for him too, but she's new & I'm not. He was kind of shocked at the things that I texted to him & he was very intrigued. I didn't just give it up to him, but I had him going. Try it. Just remember don't throw anything up at him. This is a flirtation game to see if he's still interested in what you have to offer. I'll bet he is. If he had no interest, he'd never come near you. He's a man and if he's dating someone that young, it's all about SEX. There's only one way to combat that & that's find a way to make him notice you again. You can make him twisted. I'm not talking about anything really bad, just whatever you're comfortable with. I mean, he is your husband.

CV55, thanks, we didn't communicate and that was a very big part in everything. he didn't communicate because he was afraid it would hurt me and more exactly that it would make me mad. i didn't communicate because i just don't do that and when i wanted to i was afraid i would hurt his feelings and i tried not to do that as if i was saving him from hurt which of course backfired. hindsight 20/20.

familymatters, yes, of course now i really have grasped his big need for admiration. i had no idea how just me talking to him about my day would make him feel admired and respected. again, hindsight 20/20 and now i know. i'm not tired, just lost a little energy. there's no LB's in the M right now because we hardly talk or see each other and yest, i'll stick to plan A and continue to follow my words w/actions.

WAID, again, you hit everything on the nail and the whole infatuation and adrenalin thing and it fading is exactly why i'm trying to use time as my friend.

heroswife, thanks for the continued pats on the back, i hope you don't get tired of doing that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

lost in emmotion, i wish in someway i could say in a few words just exactly what my situation is but i can't. i don't think that the things you suggest would really work, right now that is. that's not to say i haven't thought of stuff like that and maybe as some additional time goes by along w/a few more pounds dropped (43lbs and counting) there will come a time for that. it's almost embarassing but i did buy some ylang ylang oil at the mall before i left because i read in several places that this can cause the hormones to rage if you get what i mean. and i did put some of that on when i saw him this past weekend and i'll do it again when i see him the next time. it's worth a try right? if you are really interested in finding out more of my situation and my plan you can read my "sessions w/SH and the plan" thread. i'll bump it up for you. thanks for taking the time to reply and make your suggestions. you are absolutely right, he is my husband. i'm just very strategic in what i'm doing right now.

thanks again everyone for your validation and encouragment, prayers to all, RR

i ran this note by a friend via email yesterday because she has gone through a similar situation and she made me think of the note a little differently. she was glad i found it. now that i sit back and reflect a little, maybe the timing that i found the note was in preparation for me finding out about the trip they will be going on next week. kind of like getting the "good" with the "bad."

only God knows and he does know what he's doing and i just need to keep praying and stay the course. prayers to all.

bumping this up in case any one wants to make comments over the weekend.

prayers to all, really really mean that. RR

RR, you've been tremendously, tremendously helpful to me. I have very mixed feelings about the way things are going right now, but I still feel there is hope. I need to be reaching out to my WW a little more, I think.

Today I met the dog breeder I've been talking to and her border terriers. They are wonderful dogs: easygoing, adaptable, quiet, and friendly. I hope you get yours soon. When I read that your WH and OW even went near the thought of killing the dogs I was blown away. People in As are complete mental patients, aren't they?

GC