I've had a couple opinions about contacting the OM and I was wondering what other thoughts there were on this subject. My WW is living with me and seeing OM out in the open, she's not trying to hide it from me. She has told me that she has not been happy for some time and felt like this was her "escape". She has said she doesn't like the idea of divorce and has not yet tried to file. I told her I would like to talk to this kid she is seeing and she told me if I did she would immediately file and it would be over. I know the problem isn't with this kid necessarily and the real issue is WW, but at the same time I'm pretty confident this kid doesn't have the full story. He does know she's married, but I seriously doubt he knows I still love her and want my marriage to be saved.

So...any thoughts?

I'm new to MB, however, from what I've read so far, you may want to read plan A/B and jump directly to plan B.

As far as contacting OM, I don't think there is anything to gain from it.

Please read Affair Exposure 101 down the page (or second page) on GQ II.

What other exposure have you performed?

Trampled,

By the mere fact that she "would file immediately" if you contacted the OM tells you there is LOT going on she does not want anyone to know. I would contact him in a heartbeat and then get ready for her reaction, which will always be nasty, so be prepared.

Sorry to hear of your story.

read wats post on exposure like he said...

and live, breathe and eat PLAN A>>>>>>>

make yourself as inviting and attractive to be around as you can muster...

raise the stakes in the home so that it is not a place of gloom and oppression but that it is a place of sanctuary where she would want to be...

do you have children...do not play built in baby sitter but get busy yourself doing things..that are interesting to you.....

2xburned..one does not jump to plan b without doing plan a....it's one of those annoying technicalities.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

ark

2X - please read up before giving advice like that.

You don't jump immediately to Plan B and there can be much gained by contacting the OP.

WAT

What other exposure have you performed?

Pretty much have told everybody, my family, her family, mutual friends, etc. Most thing I'm crazy for staying in the situation. She has pretty much cut herself off from everybody except for him and his friends who she spends most evenings, weekends, holidays (this last weekend really hurt) with.

I'm Plan A-ing the heck out of things right now. That's why I'm concerned about "rocking the boat" per se about contacting him. I like the idea of a letter, but I have to figure out how to get it to him. I only have a phone number right now (cell phone which is difficult to reverse).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Trampled:
<strong>Most think I'm crazy for staying in the situation.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course they do - because they aren't aware of the dynamics of affairs and the opportunity they present.

The reason you need to contact the OM is to dispell the story your wife has told him that you want a divorce.

More important than contacting him is contacting his wife, if married.

Do everything you can to identify OM and determine if he's married.

Plan A your butt off.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Of course they do - because they aren't aware of the dynamics of affairs and the opportunity they present.

The reason you need to contact the OM is to dispell the story your wife has told him that you want a divorce.

More important than contacting him is contacting his wife, if married.

Do everything you can to identify OM and determine if he's married.

Plan A your butt off.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WAT is right on on every point.....

But, if you're expecting a reaction, be prepared for your wife to be pi$$ed , as this is "her life, not yours." (Right? Whatever.)

Also do not expect much from the OM, as a real man would respond to such confrontation. However a "real man" steers clear of married women. Which is OM?

But there is some infomation that can be gleaned from such a conversation.

Good Luck.

Ethan