I'm sure many of you have seen it already, so I won't go into it much. It basically discusses how women are now far more likely to have affairs than in the past.

Only one thing really strikes me: there is little or no mention in the article of the morality. On the contrary, it almost presents the phenomenon as "inevitable" and makes no moral comment, not even a suggestion that there may be another way, much less any mention of the possibility of being honest and either ending the marriage or finding a way to save it. Amazing. We've become so enamoured of our "rights" and so tied up in ourselves, that even infidelity is now presented almost as justified and inevitable...a sad state to find ourselves in. A sad state of separateness where what our fickle emotions dictate is somehow seen as ok...even acceptable. Inevitable.

I read the first portion of the article but couldn't finish because I became ill. What has our society come to? I swear they made it sound so NORMAL so OKAY... where was the moral outrage the portion on how it tears familys apart, the pain it causes the BS and the children? Okay I'll get off my soap box now.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hey Cadet,

Howa' bean? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Howdy Space! Good to see ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Orchid, & ML!
Doin' good down here!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Just had to say hi too, from lil ole me! Good to see ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ July 07, 2004, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>

Hey Cadet,

Well that was a short howdy do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Glad to hear you are doin' ok. Of course, I want the details. Just kidding. We won't be here much longer (in CA). You'll have to do some fancy dog paddling to come see us but you are always welcome, ok?

Need to ask you an MB favor and question. Care to e-mail me? mborchid2@yahoo.com.

Don't worry, nothing embaressing, I need to copy faith1 on it also. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

thanks,
L.

There's lots of us that want to know how you are doing.

How are you doing?

What are you doing?

Who are you doing it with?

SS

That MSN article from yesterday about women cheating and why was the same way. It even had a cutsie picture showing man and women on top of a wedding cake and another tuxedoed man standing next to it with wife making a cute indicisive face. I don't know. When one of the most vile, betraying acts is becoming almost acceptable it is scary and disheartening. Marriage means nothing to many these days. Very sad.

Wow, lots of old well-known names!
These days I check in and don't recognize most of the posters anymore!

It seems to me that like in so many other ways, we've become a nation of egoists. The same mentality that says "Me 1st!", and the same mentality that celebrates and encourages that type of thinking creates acceptance for things that were not acceptable in the past. And when you couple that with no personal responsibility, ("I felt like doing it, so I did it, regardless of the moral implications"), and our society's acceptance creates not only this monster but many other similar ones. Heck, even therapists encourage that kind of behavior these days!

I am doing very well, working in the maritime industry and having a lot of fun (coupled with long and crazy hours!).
It's been a bit over 1 year since my divorce became final, and although there are a few prospects, I have not seriously dated yet.
I have an excellent relationship with my ex, and things are going very well with my children.
J graduates from college in December, and he's got an excellent job offer in Atlanta, and the twins graduated fron HS this summer and are headed to a 1-year study-travel gig overseas.
Life is good!

Thanks for asking, old friends!

I don’t know if married women are having more affairs, or that they are becoming more honest about their behavior. This is taken from an article about the Newsweek story.

NEW YORK, July 4 /PRNewswire/ -- More married women are cheating on their spouses than ever before and the infidelity gender gap is almost certainly closing, report Contributing Editor Lorraine Ali and Senior Editor Lisa Miller in the July 12 Newsweek cover story (on newsstands Monday, July 5). It's hard to say for sure just how many married women are having sex with people who are not their husbands, because people lie to pollsters when they talk about sex, and studies vary wildly. (Men, not surprisingly, amplify their sexual experience, while women diminish it.) But couples therapists estimate that among their clientele, the number is close to 30 to 40 percent, compared with 50 percent of men.

I remember reading a study that suggested that a shockingly high number of children born to a married couple were not biologically related to the husband. That gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling, no?

i haven't seen the magazine or article myself and i guess don't really care to. hope my H and the OW don't see it the article either, they have enough "support" for what they are doing. it's just all very very sad.

Hey You Guys!

You can always check in on ol' SC by going 2 www.iloveulove.com and checking out the forums there.

SC has put together a wealth of resources there about a ton of topics. My favorites deal with subjects like forgiveness. I've 2uoted them many times here.

2dles,
-ol' 2long (aka Qfwfq)

Well,,,
I just read the article,,, and,,,,,and,,,,
I think its repulsive,,, here are women telling other women "hey its ok have sex with another man,,lets get us a taste of the action". How many BH's here cheated on thier wife before they did?
Its like they say women are just getting even.
Bull....! What about the other 50 percent of men who never dreamed of being with another woman and got ripped by thier wives.
They talk of no damage an affair causes kids, spouse and sometimes innocent people.

Here is an example,,,,, A few years back one of our county Deputies is on patrol. He sees a car speeding and driving recklessly. He flashes his overheads to pull the car over. After the speeder pulls over our deputy approaches the vehicle from the driver side. He taps on the window and 'BOOM' he is shot in the throat by a .380 caliber bullet.
Driver speeds away he is eventually captured after a high speed persuit and shoot out.
When investigated it was determined this man was not intoxicated nor on drugs, he was not wanted and never had a criminal record. When asked what he was doing with the gun the man replied "I was on my way to kill my wife and her lover" The officer simply got in my way". The deputy was a well known christian man everyone loved. He died at 2:00 am that night. Leaving behind 2 children boy 5 and girl 8. His wife could not recover,, she later killed herself.
The man who shot and killed the Deputy also committed suicide while in prison over his guilt of the Deputy and the divorce papers his cheating spouse served him with.
AFFAIRS DO HAVE GREAT CONSEQUENCES! It is not some damn game.
If you choose to have an affair remember what the possible outcome can be! THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION! Not for men or women.
I cant believe that article,,,, Affaiars can make the BS go insane from the hurt that is inflicted upon them.
Just wanted to share that.

SC,

It is good to hear from you. I am glad things are going well and that the kids are doing well. Keep in touch more and let us know what you are up to these days.

JL

The way the article is presented, it almost seems designed to serve one of two purposes:

1) To convince those who are or have been involved in affairs that what they are doing is somehow acceptable and OK.

2) To convince them that, as a result, there's no need to either end the affair or to be honest about it.

The lack of acknowledgment of the devastation is galling. The worst result of such an article would be that it might give somebody like my TBXW the idea that what she did to me was not a big deal. On the contrary... it damned near destroyed me.

It's a sad commentary on our society when things like vows, commitments and responsibility mean so little in the context of interpersonal relationships. After all, other contexts, lying, cheating, and betraying can land you in jail! Where do some people get the idea that what's unacceptable in one context is somehow acceptable in another just because there's no state-mandated punishment attached? Maybe they get the idea from articles like that one.

Like I have mentioned before several times:

*entitlement*

Seems to be the way in which the world turns today, not that many people are deserving of these rights."I deserve to be happy all the time at the expense of anyone or anything that gets in my way". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> This is the message that we are being spoonfed.

I think Infidelity is so bad in this country,and getting worse,that sometimes I just want to become a recluse and never leave my home.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong> I think Infidelity is so bad in this country,and getting worse,that sometimes I just want to become a recluse and never leave my home.

O </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe the whole marriage-monogamy model is no longer a valid paradigm in modern society. If 50% of married folks (well men anyway) can't seem to live it . . . is it past its usefulness?

It is no wonder that young people are waiting longer and longer to marry. The probably won’t bother at all in a few generations. That will really piss off the divorce lawyers

CN:

I know what you mean, but:

"Maybe the whole marriage-monogamy model is no longer a valid paradigm in modern society. If 50% of married folks (well men anyway) can't seem to live it . . . is it past its usefulness?"

Screw the paradigms (I'll see your paradigm, and raise you 5 cents - here's my quarter!).

Generalizations have no place in my personal recovery. I have never cheated on my W in our 30 years together, and after her 13-yr A would certainly not start now.

The marriage-monogamy model is still "useful" to ol' Qfwfq.

-Qfwfq (aka 2long)

I think OG has it right on the button: Entitlement. Horrible things have been done under the banner of entitlement. Not the least of which is that most of us actually believe it, and live our lives as if this were actually the way it should be! These "temporary fixes" that become permanent only lead to grotesque consequences later.

And that was precisely my point about the article: while it accurately describes the "situation" (or as accurately as polls and such allow) it does not in any way question the morality, validity, or any other part of this phenomenon. Therefore it comes across as validation for the behavior, almost saying "that is the way it is", period.
I can certainly see most WSs finding further validation for their actions there!

I might buy into the idea that "marriage and monogamy" could be "past their time" if only this is what they were actually doing. But what WSs are doing is changing from one "marriage" or "monogamous relationship" to another. This is not about abandoning the institution, it's about having your "fun" (entitlement?) outside of it, while still deriving most of the benefits of it.
It'd be far more honest to just end the relationship and move to another one, but attempting to somehow justify it with the argument of marriage being "old fashioned" or "obsolete" is bunk while they remain in it and have a hidden outside relationship.