In reference to my post on July 7, 2004:

She left it to me to make appointment with a marriage counselor. Don’t know if she thought that I was bluffing or not since we really don’t have the money for one. But I managed to get the money together for an initial consultation anyway. As soon as I told her that I got the appointment for next Tuesday, she began some serious apartment hunting and said her friend would lend her the money for a deposit and stuff. So I guess she will likely be out of here in a short while.

I am wondering now if I want to file for divorce anyway and just let whatever happens happen because I want to look out for the best interests of my child. I sort of think she is being selfish and showing some rather destructive behavior that I want to protect my child from if at all possible and not wait until it is too late. Any thoughts?

I am hoping she doesn’t actually sign a lease until after our appointment. I guess I don’t really know what to expect of our first appointment, but I hope the counselor can maybe point out to her some reasons not to make a hasty departure. Apparently the reasons I have given her aren’t good enough (kids, money, counseling). The counselor I choose seems very pro-marriage and appears to maybe be the best in town, so we shall see. I am just not entirely sure about her level of commitment to this yet.

I have been positive and pleasant the last couple days when she was around. She even agreed to have lunch with me yesterday while she was out and about and it seemed to go okay.

Thanks for the reply ark. I see that my Plan A needs more support or commitment from me. I will work on it. Can you effectively continue Plan A and file for divorce at the same time? Will divorce be a wake up call to her or be just the thing she needs to be done with me?

<small>[ July 08, 2004, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: Lost at Exit 93 ]</small>

Spoke with WW this afternoon. She has accepted a new job offer and is still apartment hunting. Says she wont be home again until Monday morning (11-year old SD is at her dad's house through the weekend). Says we may need to postpone our counseling appointment. She needed to borrow gas/food money until she gets paid again - I gave it to her (was that stupid?).

Still wondering if I should go ahead and file for divorce. Obviously WW is not ready to give up OM and work things out at home. Plus, need to think of 6-year old and how I want him living with me and not being neglected because of mom's new job, mom's school hours (she is studying to become a nurse), and mom's OM who will likely occupy a lot of her thoughts/time. I will have to hope that the court sees me as being the more responsible and better choice of primary parent and not just give in to her because she's mom.

Also thinking I may tell SD's dad so he can be ready handle any sudden changes in SD when WW moves out.

Still would like to work things out with WW though. So, I ask again, can I file for divorce and still expect Plan A to be worth continuing? Or will it pretty much be done?

Don't file for divorce unless you want one. And I wouldn't give her any money, she should not expect anything from you under the circumstances. She doesn't want anything from you unless it is convient for her, reality is that if she wants to pursue this OM she should not expect your support.

Plan A-Plan A-Plan A

She probably agreed to the MC because, like you said, she didn't think it would happen. Now that it is, she is stalling. Spend the money on your MC and not her apartment. The MC will soon tell her that she must end contact with OP for MC to work.

My WW stopped MC after that, but it must be said, and it must be done before any reconciliation can be attempted.

No don't file for divorce unless you want to be divorced. What would be your purpose for filing?

That will be the last time I loan her money. She really kind of ticked me off tonight.

Background: Our house - the one I will likely lose when she moves out because it cost us a fortune that I can't afford by myself and still commute to work, buy groceries, and/or do anything else - is in a small town about 35 miles away from the nearest metro area. She loved the house when we bought it (we both did and wanted to be out of the metro area to raise the kids) and after about a month living out here she hated it (too far from anything) so she really doesn't care if we (I) lose it.

Anyway, 6-year old DS and I were in town (metro) tonight for a baseball game. WW currently works at a restaurant in the metro. WW said earlier that she had to work tonight because she needed the money. DS became bored with the game so we left early after the fourth inning. Knowing (thinking) WW was working tonight we drove to the restaurant to get dessert and DS could see his mom. We got there and found out she wasn't working tonight. DS was very disappointed.

I don't get it. I know about the A, WW has not told me that the A was over. She knows I know it is still going on. She told me she wouldn't be home again 'til Monday. So, why continue to lie? If she wasn't going to be at work why lie about it now? Maybe so I would feel sorry for her and lend her the money. Last time. You are right, I should not be supporting her apartment or her A.

WW do three things ....
they lie
they lie
they lie

My WW still denies the A. They will lie because it is easier than telling the truth. I honestly think they even believe their lies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

WW calls at 5:45 this morning (good thing because a storm knocked the power out last night and my alarm was messed up) to say she was sorry she missed us at the restaurant.

Said she and some of the girls decided to go out to celebrate her new job offer. Whatever.

Talking to attorney this afternoon, not to start anything, just weighing my options and getting a legal opinion on some stuff.

Will continue Plan A for a little while longer. See how things go at MC and what happens with her new job next week. She will be working days, and SD will be home, so she will likely be home at least a couple nights.

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 01:18 PM: Message edited by: Lost at Exit 93 ]</small>