frank

You need to do something recognized by the courts in regard to who has custody and visitation with your D.

If there is nothing on file at the courthouse then your WW and OM could leave the state or even the country with your D and very little could be done about it.

If she has set up residence with OM you need to some kind of legally recognized arrangement worked out.

Frank,
I am glad that you are listening to Melodylane, she IS right!

Don't let your D go to the OM's house again. Don't let your W "normalize" the infedelity that she is engaging in.

She does not have to choose between the OM and her D as long as you deliver your D to the doorstep of the affair.

Be a father, stand up for your D's rights. As Melody siad, children don't always ask for what is good for them. You are the adult here and have to make the tough decisions. You need to protect your D from this situation!

If your W wants a relationship with her D, she will have to come to your house and deal with you, period!

You need to seek legal advice here. You need details of the living arrangements, the blocked phone # etc. NO judge is going to send a 10 year old into an adulterous household over a stable, loving father. Be that father and put your D first.

Your marriage may not have any chance of surviving, but you will always be the father of your D. Protect that relationship!

Frank,
Melody and Lady are 100% right.
Please follow thru on this. This is what separates you from her. This is what shows you are grounded and have priorities. Don't slip into BS FOG, don't let your WW do that to you or your D. She has no right to make those kinds of demands. You are not only legally right to refuse to subject your D to this garbage....

You are morally right....

Stay strong and do what must be done...
You can do it...you WW has no excuse for this type of action.
PERIOD! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Just in case you need a second opinion. I AGREE! Keep your D, and if your WW wants to come and stay at the house with her... great, if not find someone else to stay with her.. you have other family? Like sisters who have other kids..and she can stay with them.

Plan A is meant for recovery, but not to be walked all OVER... you are giving her the greenlight to continue her affair and she is making it normal for her daughter to come and live in that MESS..
Make sure you keep her next week at home too. STIR THE POT! If you don't she won't move and you'll lose everything out of fear.

Big hugs*

I'll jump on the bandwagon too and say that children do not need to be exposed to these pretentious,hurtful users(op) so at all costs keep your daughter away from the stinking A.

Almost from the beginning,I have told my WH that the homewrecker in my case is to NEVER be around my daughters.And they have not and will not.That was an extremely important issue from the get go.My daughters have been sheltered from much of the worlds garbage because that's the way I wanted it and how they have been raised and they are thriving but this A my WH had was a threat to that and he knew I would go ballistic if he tried to expose my girls to that homewrecker.

Do what you must to protect your kids.It is your duty as parent.

O

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 08:16 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Imagine the worst-case senario....

25-year-young stud-muffin OM fondles your daughter.....

You'd have regrets for the rest of your life that you failed to protect her from a possibly smarmy situation....

It is not unusual that boyfriends sexually abuse the children of their girlfriends.... it happends ....... and the girlfriend (your WW) is usually too relationship-dependant to recognize the potential....

It's up to you .... be the very very very protective DAD.

Pep

Sorry to hear your story Frankd!

Please listen to what the others are saying - not only could the bf try a physical relationship with your d, but other terrible things could happen in her mind. i have had to sit by and watch my neice's world be torn apart, because my in-laws want to protect her mom (their d). She has had too many a's over the years for me to keep up with. last year, i took her kids into my home for 6 mo. so she could "find herself", now 1.5 yr later, i'm 99% certain she's in another a. last week, her d, at 7yr., is telling her other aunt to "look at all those boys following me - they think i'm beautiful and want to be with me". WHERE DOES A 7 YR OLD COME UP WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF?? from watching her mom be with OM (men) and dad not standing up for his family and saying enough is enough -

DO THE RIGHT THING - for yourself and your D - if your W chooses to leave, not having her D will put a huge strain on her and OM's relationship. Get the guts to expose this - for your D's sake and your own!

As for the headache thing - when i get them really bad, my doctor gives me shots - gets the meds in faster, puts me on my butt for a few hours, but it'll help lift your fog.

Best wishes to you....

Found out why OM blocked phone line...........apparently some one called OM probation officer and told them he was driving with out a drivers licence.........I called to tell WW that D was not coming down this morning and WW told me that we need to talk.......WW said that OM thinks it was me that called...........LOL ( I would never do that>>>WINK) WW told me today that she wants D more...She said that I have to drop her off on mondays and I can pick her up on fridays.........She told me that I can call D when ever I want......I said how do I do that with the phone's blocked........She said that she will take care of that..........I did get my D for the weekend.............D was upset when WW told her the new arrangement on the phone.WW also told me that she wants the divorce and wants costody papers drawn up...She said it has been 6 months...She said I need to find some one else and move on with my life.........I was very nice and agreed with everything she said......Then she stopped being so defenceive........I think when OM got home from PO yesterday he started on WW about The Big D and support....I stop paying her last month........He is starting to push WW for the Divorce....PUSH<PUSH<PUSH........I told WW I had no problems with what she had to say......Then WW said you can have D for the weekend.........now WW was sappose to have D thursday nite through Saturday. Go figure.....


Well I called WW at 12:00 pm to ask her if she had $900.00 for her half of Divorce....She said no ,then I said neither do I........She said she don't care about that right now she just want coustody papers drew up......I told WW that I want joint coustody and I am not paying nothing.....She takes care of D when she has her and I when I have her........she agreed.........Well I am not takeing D there monday.........She don't no that yet......It is funny how when you agree with them and tell them they are right they don't take the defenceive.........act as IF............This guy is a real jerk.......He is worried about me and he should be worried about WW new boss..............so stupid.............

Found out why OM blocked phone line...........apparently some one called OM probation officer and told them he was driving with out a drivers licence.........I called to tell WW that D was not coming down this morning and WW told me that we need to talk.......WW said that OM thinks it was me that called...........LOL ( I would never do that>>>WINK) WW told me today that she wants D more...She said that I have to drop her off on mondays and I can pick her up on fridays.........She told me that I can call D when ever I want......I said how do I do that with the phone's blocked........She said that she will take care of that..........I did get my D for the weekend.............D was upset when WW told her the new arrangement on the phone.WW also told me that she wants the divorce and wants costody papers drawn up...She said it has been 6 months...She said I need to find some one else and move on with my life.........I was very nice and agreed with everything she said......Then she stopped being so defenceive........I think when OM got home from PO yesterday he started on WW about The Big D and support....I stop paying her last month........He is starting to push WW for the Divorce....PUSH<PUSH<PUSH........I told WW I had no problems with what she had to say......Then WW said you can have D for the weekend.........now WW was sappose to have D thursday nite through Saturday. Go figure.....


Well I called WW at 12:00 pm to ask her if she had $900.00 for her half of Divorce....She said no ,then I said neither do I........She said she don't care about that right now she just want coustody papers drew up......I told WW that I want joint coustody and I am not paying nothing.....She takes care of D when she has her and I when I have her........she agreed.........Well I am not takeing D there monday.........She don't no that yet......It is funny how when you agree with them and tell them they are right they don't take the defenceive.........act as IF............This guy is a real jerk.......He is worried about me and he should be worried about WW new boss..............so stupid.............

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 09:01 PM: Message edited by: frankd ]</small>

Frank,

Something to consider...does this man have his own place...or is your ww income part of his 'rent'? Is he a person that would honestly 'raise' your children like your wife desires (not you, her.). If he is depending on her, and he honestly isn't in her 'character', not the affair, but the man...then, go to plan B.

I was in your spot, but I wouldn't allow my children to go to the apartment. When dday came, it was the day before all the rules were about to change, and I was gonna reveal the truth to everyone. It was a set day, no threats or anything...just that is the way it would be. It revealed her true intentions, my wife always planned on coming home to me, I do believe. I don't think she knew it, but I believe that was the plan all along...

You should not use the children in any fashion in this though. Agree to allow her to watch them in your house, or if that won't suit your needs, then day care, or a legal separation would need to be filed by her for them to go to the OM's house. But, that is really the side affect of it all...you need to break off contact with her. Plan A in your scenario isn't gonna hold up, because she is out of your house. Honestly my friend, don't go off of us, you should really call the Harleys phone line and get some advice from him.

I hope things work out for you.

bump

Hey Frank, it sounds like you handled it real good. Of course, I would let her know that if she wants a divorce, she needs to get it and she needs to pay for it ALL. 100%. You shouldn't have to pay for a penny of it since she is the one who wants it.

And SHE is the one who can file for custody. [she has plenty of money to do this, right? Or the 25 yr old man will happily pay, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ]

In the meantime, I would let her know that D won't be coming back into that atmosphere. If she wants to see D, then she needs to come THERE to see her. And she can also start paying you child support since you have the full care and custody.

Frank, it is time to put the squeeze on her and start making it uncomfortable for her to carry on her affair and be a mother at the same time. It has been far too easy for too long.

In fact, she has been calling the shots for a very long time, at the GREAT EXPENSE of you and your daughter. Its time that someone SANE starts calling the shots, and I mean YOU, Frank. She is the last person who should be in charge since she has lost her mind. Take back control of your life, Frank!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WW told me today that she wants D more...She said that I have to drop her off on mondays and I can pick her up on fridays.........She told me that I can call D when ever I want......I said how do I do that with the phone's blocked........She said that she will take care of that..........I did get my D for the weekend.............D was upset when WW told her the new arrangement on the phone.WW also told me that she wants the divorce and wants costody papers drawn up..</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you tell your D that you aren't taking her there for the week and that she has nothing to be upset about? Did you tell her that this is not an appropriate environment for a little girl and that she isn't going back? Please protect your daughter from your W, Frank!

Did you tell your W to get the papers drawn up herself?

I have a feeling that the OM is pressuring her to get her own money and she thinks by keeping your daughter all week that you will be forced to pay her support.

And if she can do that, then she can PROLONG the affair by using your D as her affair and meal ticket. Essentially she wants you to PAY HER to shack up with the OM but needs your D to achieve that. See what I mean?

So, if you tell her thanks, but no thanks, no money and no daughter, her little plans fall through and you bring great conflict into the affair. There will be BIG TROUBLE in little sleazy paradise! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 09:46 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Melody is right again (and so many others).
Frank man I'm trying to say this politely because I'm not a jerk, but Jesus Christ DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW YOUR DAUGHTER TO BE IN THAT HOUSE! Your WW is CRAZY, get it? She is not thinking rationalyy or in the best interest of your D. Your W is in some serious FOG and her decision making abilities all hinge around the A.

One more time Frank, do not let your D be subjected to your WW A.

This is non-negoitable.

Frank,

Did you say that the OM has a probation officer? What for?

Can't you make it legal for your D, NOT to be allowed around the OM?

Sounds like your W wants your D as a device NOT a child. The device is to keep you on a string. So she c/b using both you and your D for her own warped A purposes. Do you want to be an enabler for the A?

I know your resources maybe limited as to taking care of your D but take a look at them again, ok? For your D's sake.

take care,
L.

I agree with everyone here...........It is hard but everyone is right.......OM is renting this place.....It was a hit on her when I did not give her any money last month.I went to child support last month and they told me that if there is no court order I do not have to pay........I showed them my log book and calendar..WW took me there in march and she canceled it two days later.......I agreed at first to pay her but after I had D most of the time I told WW I was not going to lose house over her.......I am going to go for it .......keep D monday and go from there.......Should I go to plan B ??????

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> Frank,

Did you say that the OM has a probation officer? What for?

Can't you make it legal for your D, NOT to be allowed around the OM?

Sounds like your W wants your D as a device NOT a child. The device is to keep you on a string. So she c/b using both you and your D for her own warped A purposes. Do you want to be an enabler for the A?

I know your resources maybe limited as to taking care of your D but take a look at them again, ok? For your D's sake.

take care,
L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, He has 2 yrs probation and a years without a drivers licence and did 1 weeks house arrest the week after WW moved in.......He had it all planned to use my wife..........she is so dumb.. He had a DUI.charge.......To my knowlage he is not drinking..WW is keeping him stright.He also has past convictions ,weapons charge........

Take protective action for the sake of your daughter. Anyone with a weapons charge should not be around your children. You have no clue when he will become irrational and put your family in danger.

L.