WW just asked me where I wanted to have my papers served.

She also said she wanted me out of the house when I get served.

Guess my bad feeling today was an omen.

I'm very sorry for you but just so you know that it's never over till it's over my FWW served me at work and the papers said that I could not return to my home for two weeks. That was in March and we are now a full month into recovery.

Take care and always remember that IT'A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why should you get out of the house?

She should not dictate terms to you, she is the one who is having the affair. Tell her that you will be in the house anytime that you want, as it is YOUR house too! DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOME!!!

I don't know how, I told her that I wasn't planning on leaving. She told me that if I wouldn't leave that she'd get a judge's order. I don't know what her basis is?

Fla Man,

If you own the home jointly,she can't force you out.She is just huffing and bluffing.Unless you were somehow abusive,maybe she could get a restraining order but I highly doubt she has ANY grounds with which to oust you.

But,if you don't already have an attorney,now is the time to get one.If she's going to play hardball,you have to protect yourself and those kids.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 1Fla Man:
<strong> I don't know how, I told her that I wasn't planning on leaving. She told me that if I wouldn't leave that she'd get a judge's order. I don't know what her basis is? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whatever you do, don't leave! That will give her a legal advantage if you do. If she wants to separate, then she needs to move out herself.

OG,

Yes I've consulted a few and am going to hire one today or monday. I was bracing for this but it still hit me like a load of bricks when she asked me about where the papers should be served. I realize now that when I actually get them I'll probably fall apart.

I haven't done anything abusive. I have had angry outbursts in the past, but never physical, and no Angry outbursts for several months. If anything she has emotionally torn me up the past 6 weeks, uncalled for nastyness and hurtfulness.

STAY IN THE HOUSE! It is yours. Let her move the 1,500 miles away. She will be back.

See my reply to your other thread. Even after divorce, all is not lost. Check out hopeful_person's post for inspiration.

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: RAG ]</small>

The WW just got out of bed. Said good morning, and she replied with, "You really need to find a place to move" Told me she can't live here with me and that she won't move.

Then she comes over and tells me this. (We have a rental condo that I bought 5 years before we were married) She says in a very nice and considerate tone, "You know, I have no intention of going after the condo, that is yours. I want you to have that place." Then she says in a very cold mean tone, "but if you continue to be an Assh0le then I'll go after it, I'll take it."

She said that I was being an Assh0le by staying in the house, if I stay in the house after the papers come, that she will go after the investment property. I always assumed she would anyway.

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 07:06 AM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

she is going down today to sign the papers.

WHAT??!!! what are you doing still talking to us? GET YOURSELF A LAWYER.. this serious. I've heard you can find yourself in the street with bitter WS. This is terrible.. yes, but deal with the emotional blah blahs later, PROTECT YOURSELF! next message, I want to hear that you have a lawyer to protect you. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE EITHER>>..... SHE HAD THE AFFAIR, she's at fault.. and Adultery is legal cause for divorce and she will NOT look good in front of a Judge ..no matter WHAT!

Be strong!

1FM,

I know this is a marriage-building site and some may not like the advice I am going to give, but here goes....

You need to retain an attorney today and have them beat your WW to the punch by filing first. I know you don't want a divorce, but if you file first, your attorney's can apply for Temporary Orders that allow YOU to stay in the house. Also, if you file, you can make sure that one of the stated grounds is adultery. That becomes a public record for anyone to see if the so choose. Don't waste another minute. Now it is time to protect yourself. Move, move, move. You need to make a preemptive strike.

Regards,

Brit's Brat/BS-43
XH/WS-45
DS/2-1/2
Status: Divorce final May 24,2004.

Then she comes over and tells me this. (We have a rental condo that I bought 5 years before we were married) She says in a very nice and considerate tone, "You know, I have no intention of going after the condo, that is yours. I want you to have that place." Then she says in a very cold mean tone, "but if you continue to be an Assh0le then I'll go after it, I'll take it."

Okay, its been 18 years since I sat for the bar and it was in a state other than Florida, so I am going to generalize what I remember from Family Law, what I learned from my divorce, and what little I know about Family Law in Florida. This is not to be construed as legal advice - consult a Florida licensed attorney. Okay, disclaimer out of they way...

She's talking without knowing what she's saying - she's trying to scare you into leaving. If the condo was yours BEFORE you were married it remains yours, regardless. If it was paid off before you were married. She gets NOTHING money-wise. If you continued paying for it after you were married, she is entitled to 1/2 of the equity earned during the life of the marriage. Nothing more, nothing less.

DO NOT move out of your house. Tell her if she can't stand living under the same roof as you, she's the one that needs to find someplace else to live. Next time she tells you that you really need to find somewhere else to live, tell her, "Yeah, I was thinking the same thing about you. You really need to find somewhere else to live."

Regards,

BB

1FM, she is bluffing. It's so transparent. She doesn't know what she's talking about. You know how high school kids get together and piece together their limited knowledge of how something in the grownup world works, and they fill in the gaps and then think they know all about it? This is your WW and OM. They're clueless numbskulls.

Your WW may be planning to file on you, but if she's been talking to a lawyer (which might also be bullroar) she knows she has no grounds for booting you out. I am worried she'll say you're abusive to get you thrown out. I hear the authorities generally side with a woman in he said/she said questions of physical abuse.

Retain an attorney IMMEDIATELY. Not Monday. Make sure the attorney knows from the outset you don't want a D. If you're not moving on this yet, GET MOVING NOW. If you wait much longer I assure you, you'll regret your inaction terribly. If you have to work, call in sick. If you're at work, say you have an emergency. Get to the law office, damn your eyes!

I'll be thinking about you all day today, 1FM. I want to hear good news from you later.

GC

Thanks Britt, I have the appt with my Attny Monday afternoon. I'm scared, but I've been scared for 2 months.

WW came to me again later this morning and started in on all the bad stuff in our marriage, almost like trying to talk me into her view of ending the M. She said it didn't just start with the A, of course she stills denies the A, says it is just an internet friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I told her she was telling me for last three years how good things were getting, and how much she wanted to be with me.

I realize now that I wasn't meeting some of her needs during that time, but I didn't realize it made her that vulnerable. Told her she should have said something before the A (which she quickly denied again, and told me I better stop saying that)

She now says that all those things she said about doing well were lies. I think she is just changing history, or at least that's what I want to think. It would have been different if she was honest about things, let me know how serious it was... but of course now it has been bad for 15 years. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 07:08 AM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

GC, thanks. Always appreciate your support and also the swift kick to the butt.

One of WW friends called the morning and I answered. (She is separating from her husband and is pretty much OK with it, says we just move on, get over it, we can always change our minds later. Some mistakes you can't recover from though)

We talked a little, I asked about her M. She said he would be moving next week. SHe asked if I was apartment hunting yet. I told her I wasn't moving. She seemed surprised, told me it probably be better for everyone to separate.

WW is too unpredictable now, very off the wall. I try not to be alone with her, and leave the doors open.

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

Gee, what a mess. I would talk to your wife calmly (I know you are tired of that), and tell her that you did not realize how bad the marriage was, and how hurt she was. Tell her you love her, and would like the chance to make it up to her.

I do think you need to see the attorney. It is very easy to fake abuse. When I was trying to keep my WH out (he was still seeing OW, and taking things from our home), I went to court to try to get a protective order.

I got to see the judge the same day - just me and the judge, and clerk, and bailiff. I had filled out the paperwork that said WH was removing our property from the house while I was at work. It made no difference.

The judge even noted that there was no mention of abuse, and asked me if I wanted to change the paperwork! I couldn't believe it.

Tell her that if the condo is good for you that it should be better for her! I would not talk to her at this point. She is not rational and will view any challenge to her plans as an attack on your part. Have you considered calling the local police department to explain to them what the current situation is in your home? Tell them that you are concerned that she may allege abuse in order to force you from the home. Then again, a lawyer may be better able to advise you on that one. Let me put an interesting spin on this. Is she making the OM think that he can live with her in your home while she supports him with money from the divorce settlement? He may be nothing more than a predator and may have pulled this on other women in the past. Can you do a background check on this guy? Bottom line, you need a lawyer ASAP!

Many WS's rewrite history. My H said he was unhappy in our marriage for the whole 20 yrs at the time...never happy. He had moved in with OW at one point. We had several false recoveries before we were through it all.

Now recovered, he can't hardly remember feeling that way or saying the things he said. It all is embarrassing now. He sees how foolish it all was.

I also do not think you should move out...if anyone should move out it should be her: she is the one in the PA....even though she is still denying it. Protect yourself.
Just because she is a SAHM doesn't mean she shouldn't have a dose of reality at this point.

I am glad you will be seeing a lawyer on Monday and I hope she doesn't try to lie about some sort of abuse. I still don't think she can force you to move out until the divorce is final. If she wants a separation then let her move into the condo.

Your kids are old enough to voice their opinion if and when it comes to custody. They should know the truth about her 'friend' and how inappropriate it is..when the time it right.

Don't just roll over for her.