I wasn't planning on moving out until I had to. But I am afraid of WW making false accusations, she has told one month ago that she didn't realize how much I abused her ... so I think she may have thought this through more than I gave her credit for, or she is getting guidance from friends.


I thought about trying to encourage her to go out west to be with OM and pursue her fantasy.

I believe WW has much more invested in this R than him.

Here's to hoping. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

1Fla man - Saw your pictures and you are hot. Oops, not supposed to say that here, but you are. Please hang in there. Wife cannot possibly keep this fantasy going on. Stay in Plan A.

On the whole, Judges aren't too keen on adulterers. If it goes before a judge, she may very likely be the one on the street. She's blowing smoke. She's either not listening to her attorney or has a nut for one.

STAY PUT! Do not under any circumstances other than a court order leave that house.

A judge looked at my husband and told him he never wanted to see his face in court again and if he did, my husband would great regret it. He then looked at my husband's attorney and instructed her to have a serious talk with her client.

Don't let her push you around.

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 03:07 PM: Message edited by: jph ]</small>

Believer, LOL. In my mind your pretty hot too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The compliment does me good though, maybe there will be life after the DV.

JPH,
I don't think she told her attny about the affair. Probably said it was just an internet friend. WW and I have a sordid little secret though, debated sharing here but know I'll get the 2x4.

She is still maintaining it is just a friend. And that they just talk about stuff, nothing sexual. She says I'm just suspicious and insecure, that this "friend" has nothing to do with what is happening between us.

DUH! Of course why didn't I figure that out on my own.

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 07:13 AM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

Hey, 1FM,

Whereabouts are you? I'm in FL too. As is Serendipiti, and some others too.

I'm sorry to hear your current situation. But I am glad you are seeing an attorney to find out your rights in this state. Unforunately, it's a no-fault state, and that pretty much sucks from an adultery standpoint. I think that is so unfair!

They can do whatever they want and walk away with a rap on the knuckles.

Anyhow, keep your chin up and be strong.

ISGirl, Central Fla Here. Yes it does suck from a fault stand point.

But it just keeps getting better. The wife took DS to movie while I took DD shopping. WW was disappointed that DD didn't want to go to movies, since I had promised clothes shopping. We hurried and got back so DD could catch movie with WW and DS. We got back in time and DD hurried into room to change into different clothes. WW drove away as DD opened door to join her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I went out with a few friends later. I just got home a few minutes ago and Children told me to call WW. She left for the weekend... she never told me she was leaving. Left at 10:00 pm for a hundred mile drive to sisters. (supposedly) I work all day tommorrow, and she didn't have the courtesy to tell me. I guess she expects me to leave the kids alone at home. I work 24 hour shifts.

I suspect OM is in town again. She took her computer with her.

Oh, that is crazy! Start a journal, and put that in it. I think you will get the kids if she leaves. I don't think the OM will want them around.

It never ceases to amaze me what these WS's do. Hope you can get someone to watch the kids.

Believer, already decided I'll call out sick. Can't leave the kids like that. What a bunch of BS. I can accept the treatment I'm getting I'm a grown man, (well alot of times it's hard there too) but these are the kids. What the hell is the matter with her!!!!

Kids don't want to believe it.

When they are infautated, they are exactly like an addict. It has something to do with brain chemicals.

Just like a heroine or crystal addict, everything in their life comes second to their addiction. It is very strange. When she comes out of this, she will be deeply ashamed, and then you have all of that to deal with.

Believer, I don't know how you could do this for so many months, you must be very strong and loving.

For some reason this most recent thing really galls me. I guess its because its the kids and not me. I'll take my beatings, I just hate seeing the kids ignored, and marginalized like that.

Going to take DD to her volunteer work soon. She does it with a few friends from school. One of her friends was supposed to come over afterwards and spend the day. She can now cause I'm home.

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WW just asked me where I wanted to have my papers served.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hand her your attorney's business card. The papers can be served there. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WW and I have a sordid little secret though, debated sharing here but know I'll get the 2x4. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It might be helpful for you to layout the whole story before circling your wagons. I would like to think that you are not misleading readers by skewing the facts in your favor.

You mentioned that you thought things were improving in the last three years. Did something happen to the marriage just prior to that which warranted a recovery period?

Good Idea on the Attny. Will do that on Monday. She left for the weekend, and like I said suspect she is seeing him. Know they were looking at flights together on the net for this week. That is how I discovered her first meeting with him, saw his flight number on the computer, she took her lap top with her this time. Left at 10:00pm and never told me or the kids she was leaving until 5 minutes before she drove off.

Not skewing any facts. I was ignorant of some of the bad habits I had developed and had neglected some areas of our marriage because I thought I was doing the right thing by our family. I own up to my own mistakes, most of them done with good intentions or out of ignorance. However, none justifies what she has done.

<small>[ July 10, 2004, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

1Fla man -

I think after you see so many people in the same position, and the WS doing such crazy things, you stop taking it personally. Keep reading, and you will see some really unbelieveable stories.

1Fla man -

Hmmmmmmm, Central Fla. huh? I better go see just how HOT you are!! Might have to meet up for lunch for something.........

No, no, didn't mean that. I AM trying to rebuild my M!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

In all seriousness, I don't think you "heard" what Believer was telling you: START A JOURNAL. Document, document every time she isn't where she's supposed to be, every time she leaves the kids alone. All of this can work in your favor as far as maintaining the "household" and retaining custody of the children when you end up in front of a judge working all this out - when you don't move out after being served like she wants!

If you can show that SHE is the one "abandoning" the household, leaving the children unsupervised while you are at work, that will look like a danger for them, and you have leverage in staying in the home and taking care of the children. In short, you will look like the more responsible parent (which you are, right now)

Believer also came back and said they "act like addicts" when they think they are "so in loooove." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> There's another "action" they take: they act like love-sick teenagers who don't want to be told they shouldn't be seeing so-and-so......... It's so predictable and immature, it's pathetic!!

Keep posting, you're doing fine! And listen, one other thing: "Being served" is really not that big of a deal........I mean, you know it's coming......... so no biggie. It's kinda anti-climactic, once you're mentally prepared. Someone the other day said, "It's overrated." I agree. I thought I would fall apart, too, but I didn't. I was expecting it, and wished it hadn't happened at work, but they were very discrete, and it took just a few minutes, so I was OK.

It's just one more step that has to be taken to "endure" this thing and emerge better on the other side of it........

My 2¢

God Bless,

TY Lupo, I needed that I guess.

BA109, oh yeah. I had been spending an inordinate amount of time at work, taking on lots of "extra" responsibilities, and working other jobs too. About 4 years ago I backed off that area, to spend more time with the family. That is where WW was saying things were so much better the past 3 years.

The extra responsibilities were very stressful for me, I didn't realize it at the time. And also I thought I was doing the right thing by the family while I was doing it. I think the stress caused some depression on my end.

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: 1Fla Man ]</small>

Been reading some on the Divorced/Divorcing Board... Can the wife make me leave during the proceedings? Reading on the other board makes it seem very common. I'm not ready to leave, and financially would be straining. I am expecting DV papers sometime the next few days.

Friday morning she told me in a nice tone that she doesn't want any of our rental property, She said that was mine before we were married and she wants me to keep it, Then she said in a very cold, ulgy tone that if "I" continue to be an AssH0le that she will take everything she can get.

I asked her how I was being an A-hole. I work, make sure the bills are paid, cook and grocery shop, and when I'm home I am pleasant and avoid contact. She said I'm being an Ahole for not leaving, she can't be here with me anymore. I told her I understand how she feels and if she needs to get away from the house maybe she could stay with some friends. She is welcome to come home or come by the house anytime she wants.

Anyway, just getting ansy again about being forced out of my home and away from my family. Guess I'll know more tomorrow.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 1Fla Man:
<strong> .....Friday morning she told me in a nice tone that she doesn't want any of our rental property, She said that was mine before we were married and she wants me to keep it, Then she said in a very cold, ulgy tone that if "I" continue to be an AssH0le that she will take everything she can get.

I asked her how I was being an A-hole. I work, make sure the bills are paid, cook and grocery shop, and when I'm home I am pleasant and avoid contact. She said I'm being an Ahole for not leaving, she can't be here with me anymore. I told her I understand how she feels and if she needs to get away from the house maybe she could stay with some friends. She is welcome to come home or come by the house anytime she wants.

Anyway, just getting ansy again about being forced out of my home and away from my family. Guess I'll know more tomorrow. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You did good by getting her to say what she has been thinking. Now those words to you (as babble as they can get), will ring in her ears. To any normal and sane person, what she accused you of is ridiculous. In fact she's the one who is the AH because she wants you to leave and she is the WS.

Yep, let others meet her needs. Let her find others who will meet her needs and support the A.

Your family does not have to stoop to that level.

Eventually one day, you may get to play back her words to her. Once out of the fog, she may find it hard to believe she even uttered it.

JMHO,
L.

Stick with Orchid - she is an expert.

I was looking on the web for Florida divorce information, and found a site www.floridadivorce.com. It seems to have lots of information and is free. I could not access it because I don't have a Florida zip code. You might want to check it out. It seems to discuss everything.

TY Believer, it was a goldmine of information. Though not all to my liking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I should have been looking for that stuff before, thanks for looking out for me.

You are welcome. That is what is so good about this site. I can't tell you how many times memebers here have helped me. If we all put our brains together, who can defeat us?