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I just KNOW you lurk around. Well, I've been humiliated more today than in all my 50 years on earth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed all our talks. If you ever make it this far down under, you know my e-mail address. Look us up. Jenny <small>[ July 14, 2004, 12:58 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>
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Jenny,
What is up?? How were you humiliated? Are you and H OK?
God Bless,
JL
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JL, you are so kind to ask after me that I'll withdraw from my sulk to answer you.
My silly and immature remarks on the Jelly thread to KY - who I'm in daily e-mail contact with off the board - were taken out of context and used against me by a moderator in an extremely humiliating and embarrassing way.
H and I are absolutely fine. My son said the other day how nice it was to hear us laughing together again.
Jenny
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Hi Jen,
I'm around. Only been posting a bit. Trying to help Homertyme over in Just Found Out.
I haven't seen your silly post nor the response now I'm curious.
Glad you and Bob are doing well.
I'm a little disheartened. Lately whenever I get a trigger I'm afraid to tell wife about it. Unfortunately I haven't had a summer since DDay2 and there are lots of triggers...beach, ocean, dolphins. She was walking around in the "same" boardshorts this past week. She just gets upset. She also said last night that when I'm triggered I stay upset/angry for "days". So much for any empathy. Feels like we are just going in circles. Not a rollercoaster but a (not so)merry-go-round.
Anyway that's life on the other end of the big blue Pacific.
cwmac
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Jen,
Just saw the post amd I don't get it. First of all I don't think the moderator was specificaaly after you but I really don't get why (s)he was so upset. I didn't read the entire thread so maybe earlier there was some provocative stuff but...
Oh well
Don't be passive aggressive on me here.
cwmac
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CW, first I've got to say that between posting my first post on this thread - all sulky and offended - I've been reading a book H bought me to help me deal with my subordinate at the new job who is going to cause me all sorts of trouble. Anyway, the book's called "How to deal with difficult people." Lots of little charts to fill in about how you deal with things. So, so funny. I come under the category passive-resistant or passive-aggressive. Using sarcasm and manipulation (sulking, silent treatment) to get my way. Do you read my mind or something? LOL Also, turns out I'm not so good a listener. He he he. Who would have thought. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Anyway, I've listened to how your triggers are affecting you. I believe they'll get less with time. Rob never tells me if he's been triggered by anything and I'm glad he doesn't. I don't know how I'd react if he said something like "that movie upset me." I think I'd be p'd off that he was bringing up "THE A" all over again. Am I allowed to say (don't want to just launch into my own experiences - oops, used sarcasm - but affectionately <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) that the ski season here is a very unpleasant time for me. Lots of reasons, none of them to do with actual skiing because I haven't been skiing or near snow for years. LOL. Jen <small>[ July 09, 2004, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>
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Kiwi, You siad... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ... I don't know how I'd react if he said something like "that movie upset me." I think I'd be p'd off that he was bringing up "THE A" all over again.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why wouldn't it be OK for him to say that he's been triggered? If it's happening it's reality of the recovery process. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Rob never tells me if he's been triggered by anything and I'm glad he doesn't. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe he doesn't tell you because he knows you'd be p' off. IMHO that's the type of behavior that got my marriage to the cr@**! state that it was in preA. The new M is either going to be one where I can express my feelings and vice versa for my wife or I'm outta here. IMHO I think that's why we seem stuck in recovery. Wife seems to want to go back to the marriage that's dead and gone and the new cwmac communicates how he feels. He communicates. He shares thoughts, dreams, hopes etc. Wife clams up when I ask her to communicate thoughts dreams hopes etc. Again goes back to my feeling that W thinks that 99% of the preA issues were mine and 1% was her. Since discovering the relationship, I've been the one that reads the books to try and improve our marriage. I'm the one that goes to IC bc I'm a "nut" and she's "normal". The best way to put it is that "she's not invested." She really hasn't done much to improve the marriage other than just being here. Sorry as I said up above that's no longer good enough. cwmac
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CW, do you really think she's not invested. It's so hard to tell from here because obviously I've never spoken to her and I have no idea what processes are going on in her mind. And do you also really think you're stuck in recovery? It does seem to me you still haven't got the marriage you want. Our situation is different in that problems only began in our marriage after a major crisis (the deaths of all our parents, apart from my mother, in one single year.) Up till then Rob had always been my rock and when he wasn't that anymore (major depression and withdrawal from me and anyone else) I had no skills to deal with it. Hence, according to our MC, I went looking subconciously for another rock. Now we have the skills to deal with any other crisis that looms. As I say I have no way of knowing how your w really feels. It would be a great shame if she was "just there" and I can understand you feel you're beating your head against a wall. I can't understand someone staying in a M and not trying to make it the best M you can have. My take on my M now is that we have decided we are in this for the long haul so we may as well have the best M we can have, the envy of everyone else. As to Rob not mentioning triggers - I asked him the other day if thinking about this was still painful and he said, sometimes, but we've moved on. All he ever wanted was for that unloved, lonely, scared feeling to go away and it has. Jenny BTW watch out for trolls today - there are a few about on the board. Whatever gives them their jollies I guess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <small>[ July 10, 2004, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>
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OK, I'll take out all the sarcasm about you not replying and just.... ^^^^bump^^^^ Jenny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <small>[ July 12, 2004, 01:54 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>
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Jen, Good evening. Did that tiresome employee give you any trouble today? Send me her e-mail and I'll give her a piece of my mind (such that it is) I know I haven't been good at responding. As I've said I've been here less often although this weekend seemed to post a bit more than usual. Speaking of not responding you didn't respond to my question in the earlier post... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why wouldn't it be OK for him to say that he's been triggered? If it's happening it's reality of the recovery process. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know each couple has their own dynamic. But if he's (or I'm) thinking about it and you know he's probably thinking about it and he knows that you know that he's... well you get it. Why would you just pretend it isn't there? I don't think it goes away any faster by pretending it's not there. At least that's me. I realize I'm not Rob. Have a great winter day. Mac (formerly the MBer know as cwmac) <small>[ July 12, 2004, 01:00 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>
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Mac, (I prefer to call you CW, but Mac will do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , I seriously don't think Rob has triggers. I asked him the other day if the A was now a taboo subject and he said no, not at all, but we've moved on. Believe me, we have. I would know if he was upset about anything, he would be looking off into space with a frown on his face. It just doesn't happen, we're too busy talking and laughing and other stuff..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I also had a major breakthrough with difficult underling today. So your e-mail won't be required thanks - I can just imagine your e-mail too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And the weather here is no laughing matter - it's freezing - I walked from my car today in boots, coat and gloves and a girl walked past me with bare legs and flip flops. He he - us kiwis are a funny bunch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Jen PS Why the change to Mac? <small>[ July 13, 2004, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>
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Jen, Because some people have started calling me CW which is weird to me. All my good friends call me Mac anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Like alot of you Kiwis and the Aussies I have a bit of ScotIrish blood in me. Mac <small>[ July 13, 2004, 08:22 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>
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Mac (well it has to be Mac doesn't it - otherwise I won't be counted as a friend) I actually think Dr Feel Good is the best name of them all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You're not pushing ADs - they go with the territory after an A. I went on them during the A so I could live with myself. I probably could have lived with myself better if I hadn't had the A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I'm off them now - still taking St Johns Wort but I have no idea if it's doing good or not. I feel pretty good so maybe they are. Maybe I just feel pretty good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jen
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Ok if you insist then its Dr. Mac <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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Ok Dr Mac, I always thought the CW was your initials. We could keep this up for hours, talking about your name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Beats geographical information about NZ I guess. So, you have the advantage of having seen my picture, calling me Jen (which is really only what close friends and family call me - and you are welcome to keep calling me that) and I only know that you are called Mac and come from California. So where's your photo dude. Jen
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Mac, Dr Feel Good and cwmac = big chicken on the photo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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What? Too good looking? Not good looking enough? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Jen
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Nothing to do with looks. All about anonymity.
Don't care about self but W would kill me if someone recognised my mug.
I have about 20million neighbors her in so Cal.
Mac
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It was a JOKE. When I told H I'd put my photo on here he and my son both said "You did WHAT!!!!!!" My son's lecture was worse than Rob's. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Anyway, on to difficult person at work. She called in sick today and said she wouldn't be back till Monday. Tummy upset. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> And the new semester starts on Monday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Anyway it gave me a good chance to go through some of the outstanding stuff on her desk - which is my right as her boss. Also, the gnarled old professor who taught MY professor was in today and he asked me if I was going to be able to deal with "the situation". Good grief, who cares about A's and OM's and all the rest of it when I have this little challenge ahead of me. And, do you know what, I'm having the time of my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Jen
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