My H filed and we agreed on visitation. It still is very hard to deal with. It definitely is real now. I am done speaking with him until the baby is born. I LBed him quite a bit when discussing the situation. I just can't take it when he states I don't know what he is going through, that this whole thing is one big greek tragedy. I found it funny that he told me he had a terrible day because I told him not to come to the doctor with me and OW lost her engine in her car. ($10,000) I think that is karma.
For now I am trying not to think about the D details and focus on delivering a baby and the joy it will bring. (sometimes easier said then done).

I just wanted to give you a hug. I'm sorry for the situation that you are in.
My DD is the only reason I get thru most days. Be strong for that beautiful baby and take care.

Durham,

I've been following your story and I really feel for you. I've never been pregnant before, but I would love to have a baby someday and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to go through all of this alone when you are supposed to be sharing this miracle with your husband.

Your husband sounds like a real [censored] right now and I admire you for dealing with him in such a calm matter all of this time. He's really put you through the ringer. Who cares what the f*** (excuse my French...)he is going through right now? It's all of his own making. What does he want from you - sympathy??? He needs a reality check. And I bet it's coming....

I think you should go back to Plan B and stay there. He's just getting you way too worked up and upset and it is not good for you or the baby. You should be getting plenty of rest and relaxation and focus on the upcoming delivery. You will need a lot of strength. Do you have anybody going with you in the delivery room? A friend or family member? I've been there with a friend before because her husband was stationed overseas. You will need support.

Please know that people here care about you and your baby and we cannot wait to hear the good news when he/she is finally born.

Take care of yourself!

Kati

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 09:00 AM: Message edited by: Kati ]</small>

Hi durham,

I'm sorry your WH is making another huge blunder in filing for a D when you have a baby due in 6 weeks Geeze.I hope you didn't put into writing any visitation agreements.Don't agree to ANYTHING,not now.Frankly,your WH deserves little at this point.He is willing to give up his parental time to his yet unborn child for the sake of a homewrecker and he wants visitation already? That will be difficult as you know while the baby is a newborn.

You need to take care of yourself and that baby 100% and your WH should have the decency,if he does,to keep all matter of A and OW discussion miles away.It should be all about you and your baby right now.Get all the support you can from family and friends and have a spokesperson for you that will keep WH away from talks about HIS poor life and sob stories. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

As for the OW,I hope she keeps getting these messages about how wrong it is to be involved with another woman's husband.Maybe next her roof will cave in.Oooh, I feel a bit grouchy today to OP. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

O

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 09:03 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Hugs and prayers to you. Give it to God, he knows and only he knows. That child will bring you joy like you have never felt before, you won't need to give WH another thought, esp if you have family around you.

HINY

Durham - Forget about husband for now. Did you have your shower?

Start resting up, and pampering yourself. When baby is born the hormones kick in and all you will think and talk about is baby, baby, baby.

Try to find some other women who have newborns, because everyone else won't understand.

Durham -

I have followed your story from the beginning. I am sad to see your WH's latest comments. How insensitive! You have been given some great advice here. Stay in Plan B and cut off any contact with your H. Get a middleman for when the baby is born and avoid face to face contact. It'll only upset you.

I have 2 children...both girls. I remember giving birth to both of them. You're life is about to change and you will have fullfillment like you have never imagined. Being a parent is the best thing in the world. It's also very terrifiying. You will be that baby's world and vice versa.

The guilt will eat your H from the inside out. You do not have to do anything for that to take place. He's in the fog but once it has lifted he will realize that he will never get this time back with you. He won't remember what it was like to watch your tummy grow because he's had his head up his own.....ok...that's not productive.

Just know that you are loved and supported. God will see you through this. Rest assured of that.

As for OW's car....boo freak'n hoo! That was mean and not productive either but I just can't help it. This just stinks!

Did he say greek tragedy ???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I think it's more like geek travesty!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Oh poor him .... boo effin' hoo.

Little boy lost thinks of himself as some tortured protagonist in a dramatic piece..... barf <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

and his pregnant wife and child ....... get assigned what roles in this man's tragedy?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

weird double post....

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 10:39 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

The loss of the car engine was definately a sign from above. I'm glad we're not in their shoes, because that is just a tiny, tiny, tiny glimpse of what the future holds for them. Why should we waste our time and efforts on revenge? Let someone much more powerful then any of us handle that side.

I unfortunately know how horrible this is for you and I am praying that the birth of this baby will bring you the peace and happiness that you deserve.

What a selfish idiot.

Durham, I know you've expressed the morally motivated desire to have your husband become part of your child's life. Allow me to suggest that you permit the divorce to go through without resistance, but also without help, and then find a real man to join you in the parenting process for your child. Your husband has demonstrated the capability to father a child, but not the qualities necessary to be a parent.

Don't be so generous with visitation. Don't expect him to be a positive influence for your child. Direct your attorney to bleed him dry. You may hesitate to do this now, but if you don't, you may regret it later.

JMHO

WAT

Durnham, my heart goes out to you. You have become such a strong woman. Let your WH go to H***. He is not worthy for you to fight for. Take care of yourself and the baby. Lots of love , hug and prayers for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Durham: My H filed and we agreed on visitation. It still is very hard to deal with. It definitely is real now. I am done speaking with him until the baby is born. I LBed him quite a bit when discussing the situation. I just can't take it when he states I don't know what he is going through, that this whole thing is one big greek tragedy. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Well when one files in the fog, he is bound to confuse the rest of sane humanity. Do what you need to reduce your stress and be safe. As for you not knowing what he is going through, it probably w/b better to agree with him. Logic doesn't sit well with fogheads. He will probably give you a blank look when you agree with him but spin it back in fog babble and tell him you don't know and don't want to ever get to that frame of mind to know. That'll confuse the b'geebers out of him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Durham: I found it funny that he told me he had a terrible day because I told him not to come to the doctor with me and OW lost her engine in her car. ($10,000) I think that is karma. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Did the OW lose her engine in her bra?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Couldn't resist that comment.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Durham: For now I am trying not to think about the D details and focus on delivering a baby and the joy it will bring. (sometimes easier said then done). </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: You are correct with your viewpoint. Keep it in mind. The WS may try hard to get you to enable his A. In reality, the WS and OP need to anger the BS because that is what fuels their A. Remove the fuel and the A engine will die.

Take care of you and your little one. Greek tragedy or some other fantasy, mythological, made up, stupid A story is just that..... stupid. Don't get caught up in their game. You have a lot to look forward to. No one should take that joy away from you.

L.

Dear Durham,

I was hoping that H would find better logic in the process of talking to a lawyer about filing for divorce. Apparently my hopes were misplaced.

You might check with your lawyer to be sure you and he understand what options you have to file Motions, Discovery, Motions for an Extension of Time, and other court filings that will create delays in the Divorce procedure.

Now you can be standing by delaying the divorce proceedings. You should feel the protection of the court, as the visitation order essentailly gives you sole custody, even though it is technically joint custody.

Perahps you feel sad, and I can understand why the situation would make you sad, but I really think you are in a strong position both legally and spiritually. Let us know what your lawyer is saying now that H has filed for divorce.

Blessings

Durham - How was your weekend? How are you feeling? Is the little one letting you get any sleep?