Ok here is the letter I sent - It's kind of long
My Dearest H,
I apologize to you for my part in creating the environment that helped make your affair with Bit@@ possible. (OK I called her by her name, but Bit@@ always makes me feel good)Although I've ALWAYS loved you with my heart and soul, I made you feel that EVERYTHING was more important to me than you. I often put my family and feelings first. I am sorry. I said and did many things in anger that I never meant. I know I hurt you. But believe me, whenever you hurt so do I. I wish I never did them, but what can I do now. If I had known what I know now, it never would have happened. I would hurt back when I was hurt. I have learned this is wrong and through the counseling I have learned to stop it. I’m sorry for all the events that you have not enjoyed and the things we have missed out on together. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I have made in the past and create a NEW life for us that will meet your needs. I truly believe that it is possible with what I have learned. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Tanya once and for all.
The past year has been a difficult time for me, the most emotionally traumatic in my life. I believe that we are in recovery and trying to rebuild our marriage, only to find that you are still in contact with OW. I am still feeling the hurt and pain when I don't know where you are, or when you'll be home. I am scared when you are late from work or when you leave the house that you are immediately on the phone with her. I worry that when you are at work that you are finding excuses to see her or that you call her.
I still believe we can have a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage. I believe we can learn from our mistakes, grow from them and with effort and desire we can begin to slowly rebuild the love that we once shared and start to become a family again, for our sake and our beautiful baby, Stephanie. I believe we can have a marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams. The kind of marriage we both imagined when we said "I do". I'm not naive, I know there's been a lot of damage done. I think we need help to learn better ways to communicate, meet each other's emotional needs and begin to rekindle the spark of emotional intimacy between us. It won't be easy, but it can be done. I love you now more than I have in a long time. I see something special between us and I know that you see it too. We have laughed lately and seem to enjoy each other with Stephanie. I would like the chance to try to save this marriage for I know with all my heart that we could be a wonderful family together.
However at this time, I just cannot bear to be with you or see you while you are still involved with OW and give your love and emotional connection to her. I’ve loved you since I met you, I loved you when we married, and I continue to love you today. Being with you while you are still connected to OW is slowly killing me and destroying our chances of rebuilding our marriage. I need you to stay away from me until you can look me in the eye and tell my that you love me and you know in your heart that you want to be with me. And that you will do everything that it takes to make our family work. I need you to stay away from the house. Please do not come here. We will make arrangements that you see Stephanie at much as possible. She loves her Daddy dearly and I want to do nothing that will hurt her. This is not to punish you, It is to protect my feelings for you and our chances at rebuilding our marriage. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left. Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with OW. I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing you are unsure about who you want to be with. As you know, I have made several changes and I have do everything I can to make this a happy home. You even admitted that I have do everything right. I just can't fight for our marriage alone anymore. I am weary. I still love you, but I cannot see you under these conditions any longer.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OW, demonstrate it in a credible way, and are willing to follow measures to ensure total and permanent separation, then I will be willing to talk about our future, and the future of our family. I look back through our life and I choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I am trying to forgive whatever pain you have caused me and hope that in time you will forgive me too. I hope with that we can both put aside our harsh feelings and frustrations and see the good, and see the hope. I want to be able to rebuild our marriage. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then, there will never be a need for us to separate or to have "friends" other than each other again. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.
I love you with all my heart,
Me
Hope it was ok
