Well, the bad feeling I had yesterday was dead on. Gut instincts are still intact apparently. I got home and she said we needed to talk. I had told her the previous day as she was leaving to see OM that things had to change. It is just killing me watching her openly see OM without a shred of conscience. I have been trying to Plan A my butt off and I wasn't expecting any real reassurance from her (as many have noted would be the case) but it doesn't make one feel any better.

She has decided she is moving out. She still says she doesn't want a divorce because in her words, there is a "shred of hope". She has set her own time limit to 6 months (lease of the place she is looking at). We talked about it for a couple of hours, I did a pretty good job, but still committed some LBs, mostly mentioning OM and saying some things I know I shouldn't have said, but unfortunately my tognue is faster then my brain sometimes. I think she was fairly honest with me which gives me some hope and I was completely honest with her. I did mention that if at the end of the 6 mos (or sooner) she decided it is worthing giving it another go that all contact with OM must be dissolved and she totally agreed, didn't argue at all (I expected her to say she wanted to remain friends).

My question is...how important is the letter, and the "no contact" rule. If she initiates contact would it be acceptable to see her during her self-imposed seperation? I will fully admit it will be difficult to turn her down if she wants to get together, but at the same time I don't want to enable her if she's still seeing OM. She has this idea of "dating" again while she's away, but I don't like the idea of "competeing" with wonder-boy.

She is aware of the fact that she is pretty much on her own financially, but I assured her I would help out in certain areas, specifically I wouldn't dump her from my benefits as she has none on her job and I told her if she gets in any sort of bind with her counselling, psych, or medications finanicially, I would do my best to help her out. I know that is partially enabling her, but I also know that it is vitally important for her because of the depression and issues she has to continue these things. If left on her own, she probably wouldn't be able to afford them and would stop and that would only make her spiral further out of control.

I know this has to be done, though. I have to have some peace...even last night in the middle of our conversation she just decided she was done talking, called OM and left until 3:00 in the morning. I can't go on this way and let's face it...I have nothing else to lose.

Can anyone give me some advice on effectively implementing Plan B, experiences, and results?

Do you mean how important is the Plan B letter and no contact between you & her?

If you do not send a letter, you are not in Plan B. Period.

If left on her own, she probably wouldn't be able to afford them and would stop and that would only make her spiral further out of control.
So? You really can't "help her" any more than you can help someone to stop drinking. If they don't want it, it won't happen.

Why do you think she will start doing this stuff? Once she gets you "out of her hair" she will have nothing but "good times" with om. No "bad husband" to get in the way and cause her all this pain.
(I say this because it will be her thought process)

Is this something you would keep doing after a divorce?

Plan B is for two things.

1 Get you away from her and help you heal without the pain of her affair being in your face.
2 Let her deal without you filling any of her needs (emotional, financial, etc) & let the om try & do it.

I say keep her on the insurance as this may not be something you could legally do anyway.
But you should not try to "help her out" as best you can. Plan B is hands off. No communication. Both ways. If she sends something to you, don't read it & don't respond. And don't initiate contact with her.

Once you send the letter (which you will post here BEFORE you send it, correct?), she will get pissed off.

I read on BB's post that there is a good possibility that the OM, who WW claims is just a 'pal' may not know that you are still trying to work on the M. That he doesn't want to jump into bed with her because she is M, so she may be feeding him a line about how horrible the M is, and how abusive and mean you are.

It may be time to give the OM a call, she is probably lying to him, and it may be time to let him know you want to save the M. Enlist his help. What if, she moved out and OM 'broke up' with her, or things never got started the way she wanted because...heaven forbid, OM has morals.

Yes, I do believe some OP get trapped into an A because of the lies WS tell them. That's what happened with our OW. WH told her we had an 'open' M. Hmm, news to me.

I'll work on the letter this weekend. Yes, I think I would like to post it for a "review". I have already stolen ideas from others, hey, I'm not above a little plagarism <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , but I would like some advice on it.

As for the "help" we talked about it last night. She honestly does want to continue the counseling. I truly feel this is for the best because she does have issues to resolve, which must be resolved for her to be able to function in a relationship period. The medications are also necessary, I've seen how clinical depression can sap a person of there will to move on. During these next 6 months (again, I hope less) I would like to help her out because with her current job, she simply may not be able to afford them on her own. She will have no access to my finances so it's not as if she can go hog wild. I will simply have her med bills sent to me. If she chooses not to go, I agree, that is her choice and then I have little to worry about.

Thanks for the advice.

If she is depressed the OM will find her less appealing. Maybe you need to take some of their fantasy out of the picture and give OM a fair picture of who she really is?

Is there a link to some good Plan B letters somewhere? I would like to see some examples...especially ones with positive results in the end! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />