Hi,
I read your questions on my update thread.

It's hard to say what will work for you, as our husbands are different people.

All I know is that in my husband's case he needed time, time, and more time. He clearly wanted nothing
to do with me for almost three years after D-Day!

If you continue to let him know you love him every so often, and want another chance you might have a chance someday.

On a side note, I found out after getting back with my husband that he had 'dated' some during our time apart. I had no idea, and everytime I bravely asked him if he was he said, "No." He also had a long-distance
internet, phone female friend that he met through work. He never met her, but nonetheless I think these attachments helped keep us apart longer. However, I see that in the long run he needed time away from me. In an odd way I'm glad to know he found someone to talk to during our time apart, and that he wasn't a complete island emotionally.

Crying and begging didn't work. Nothing did, really. Just time, time, time.

If you have interest go back and read some of the old threads from 2002, 2003. You'll see what a roller coaster I went through. This experience of losing my husband was hideous, especially knowing it was my fault.

I did ask him out for years before he finally agreed. One time right after DDay he agreed to go out, and backed out. This happened again a year after that. It took another 18 months after that before he finally actually did go out with me. So you see patience is important. Never give up, but don't be pushy.

I asked him if it would have helped if I'd have just shown up at his place. He said no! He said the cards I sent meant nothing to him, and he threw them all away. Nonetheless, I think they were a good idea as it kept him knowing I cared and loved him.

I won't be near a computer for several days, so that's all for now. I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers. (I don't know if you're religious or not, but nonetheless I'll pray for you as I know you're going through a horrible time.)

Take care,
HP

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 12:44 PM: Message edited by: lostnlonelygirl ]</small>

Thank you so much hopeful person...You are my ray of sunshine! Your prayers would mean the worl to us. God has never let us down before. I think one of the main reason for my vulnerability to having an affair in th first place was that I was losing my faith.

My husband and I were very spiritually connected at one time. We met at church! We worked in childrens ministries together, prayed together, attended bible studies together...and our marriage was on fire. Over the years our own personal success began to invade our hearts, and we both drifted away from God...I went straight down the path to sin! Even my husband believe that living our lives for ourselves instead of for God caused the majority of our marrital problems.

I know God has his hand in this recovery though, at 2pm I broke off the affair with the OM, and by 6pm, my husband had found out (D Day). If that's not devine intervention, then I don't know what is! There was no way to continue the affair now (I had broke it off before, but always went back), I had been exposed, and I ready to end the lies once and for all now that it was in the light. I even tried to e-mail the OM the following day(I was still addicted), and my husband magically walking in at just the right time. God was sending me a message loud and clear! Now is the time...you are done with the affair now! I got his message...I'm done. I only wish I had not been so hard of hearing for so long...He had to rock the earth to make me listen! My ears are open now!

Thank you so much...You are a blessing from God! I imagine your life is busy, but please know your posts mean the world to me. You understand me like no one else I've talked with. Thank you!