I thing W is still in contact w/OM, but is only a hunch. What do I do? If I am wrong, and keep pestering, it will drive her away. I am trying to plan a but it is hard. Suggestions?

Has she written him a No Contact letter?

She can't, he is Italian, and we would have to hand deliver it (we live in Italy).

She can't
Why not? They don't deliver mail in Italy?

he is Italian, and we would have to hand deliver it
So she CAN write a no-contact letter.

(we live in Italy).
What does this have to do with anything?

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

HI i'm in the exact same type postion (just posted a question also) my husband swears no Contact but they work together~! i have strong susupions there still in contact but no proof since 6/21/04.... so i'm trying to keeep my mouth shut b/c i end up haveing bad dayss (like yesterday ) and taking it out on him and then it just is LBing and not getting us any where i'mtrying to have the attitude of that i'll never know weather or not they are talking at work so i better stop pestering and let it go UNLEss i have some Concrete PROOF!

so i better stop pestering and let it go UNLEss i have some Concrete PROOF!

You answered your own question. No one said you had to stop snooping, but don't get caught. That would constitute a LoveBuster, just like pestering is, without proof. Trust is not just "awarded", it is earned by the WS.

If you have genuine concerns about continued contact, do what you need to do to prove to yourself that no contact is either NOT in effect, or it IS in effect.

I believe my FWW has not had contact since Feb 26, 2004, but I still spot check e-mail, snail mail, if she's out and I don't know where, I'll drive by the OM's house, I still have a phone recorder and I still check her odomoter. The trust I had in her after nearly 30 years of marriage was "shattered", and I won't be caught with my "shorts around my ankles" again.

I am not obsessed with checking, and just do it sporadically, but, it's just part of what I do, and who I am, post A.

Hope this helps...

SD

<small>[ July 09, 2004, 02:52 PM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

I second SD--snoop. It's either going to confirm your suspicions or reassure you.

The first time my WW told me all was over. I persited in my snooping and my to my dimise I found that things had moved forward. I still do checks on a more regular bases though. Like I know they spoke 48 times last month via phone. Not what I call backing off or NC.